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The First Vampire Comic

Emmett is bored, so he decides to write a vampire comic. Only one problem.... One-shot!

This is sort of random....

1. Comics

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1196   Review this Chapter

“I have taken up a new hobby!” Emmett announced as he entered the living room of the Cullens. I sighed.

“What is it now, Emmett? I was sort of busy!”

“Doing what, Alice?” he snapped at me before turning to the rest of his family, who were all staring at him.

“Well? What’s the hobby?” Edward asked, looking up from his book.

Emmett gave us all a huge smile. “I’m creating...VAMPIRE COMICS!” He looked at everyone, as if waiting for a round of applause. None came.

“Come on!” he exclaimed, his hands dropping down to his sides. Then, he pointed at every one of us. “You’ll see. I’m going to come down with the most spectacular comic ever, and you’ll be sorry! And when I become famous, all you’ll regret it!” He ran out of the room and we all looked at each other skeptically.

“Is he in his right mind?” I wondered.

“Emmett doesn’t have a right mind,” Edward pointed out, burying his nose in his book again, and Jasper snorted.

That afternoon, Emmett came downstairs triumphantly.

“Ah-ha! There you all are!” He strutted up to us proudly. “Well, aren’t you all sorry now?”

“Why?” Edward asked.

“Because I have the first copy of ‘Vampire Life’ right here!” Emmett exclaimed, waving around a piece of paper. Edward grabbed it and scanned the messy drawings.

“I want to see!” I exclaimed, crawling over the couch to where Edward was. Emmett’s unruly scrawl barely fit in the minute speech bubbles he had drawn. There were four figures with fangs standing around.

I looked up at him. “I don’t get it.”

Emmett rolled his eyes and took his paper back. “Obviously you aren’t smart enough to realize this masterpiece!”

I hopped up and skipped over next to him.

“See?” he asked. “This vampire, modeled after yours truly, is famous and he is the star of the whole world!”

“Who is the vampire that keeps getting pushed down by the star?” I asked, pointing to the figure in the background.

“Edward,” Emmett said proudly.

I frowned. “I still don’t get it. Where are the jokes?”

“Everywhere! The stupid vampire could never match up to the star vampire! See?”

I sighed and fell back on the couch. “No.” I frowned again.

Emmett sat down next to me and began reading his comic again. Suddenly he burst out laughing.

“What?” I asked. “What is it?”

“I am just so funny!” he exclaimed. “It’s not even funny! Just look at these clever characters! These intricate plots! These hilarious jokes! I’m amazing,” he sighed. The more he read, the more funny he thought it was.

“Emmett, could you please shut up for a minute?” Jasper finally exclaimed. “I’m busy, and your laughs are like an earthquake.”

“Well, I’m sorry Jasper that you have such a hilarious brother! Maybe you just wallow in your.......not-funny-ness!”

Jasper smirked and went back to reading his magazine. “Yeah, Emmett, you’re hilarious.”

“Thank you...I’m glad someone finally sees...wait, was that supposed to be sarcasm? Are you using sarcasm with me?” Emmett narrowed his eyes.

Jasper looked up. “Oh, I’m sorry, am I not supposed to use sarcasm with the star?”

Emmett huffed. “Obviously you guys have no sense of humor! I’m going to go and make the second chapter!”

He stomped upstairs. I turned to Edward.

“I still don’t get it!”

He patted my knee. “It’s okay; I don’t either.” I smiled at him and grabbed a bottle of nail polish and began painting my big toe.

I was barely done with my first foot when Emmett came galloping downstairs excitedly.

“Ladies and gentlemen....and Edward,” Emmett announced, another piece of paper clutched in his hands. “I present to you...the second chapter...of my vampire comic series!”

I jumped up, making sure nothing came in contact with my toes, and grabbed the paper from him. I scanned over it and looked up at him.

“I don’t get this either!” I complained, handing it to Edward. Edward examined it.

“Emmett, this doesn’t make sense,” Edward shrugged, handing it back to Emmett. He snatched it and looked it over furiously.

“You all are just jealous! It makes perfect sense! Huh....maybe I’m just so much better smartly and funnily than you all!”

“Emmett, you used smartly and funnily wrong,” Edward pointed out.

“I don’t care!” Emmett snapped, running back upstairs. I giggled and switched feet, dipping the brush back in the nail polish.

By the time I had my second foot painted, and my first foot was dry, Emmett stomped back downstairs, a huge grin on his face.

“I have the...” he began.

“...third chapter of your comic?” Jasper interrupted him, not looking up from the magazine in my lap.

“I was getting to that,” Emmett hissed. Then his smile came back. “But yes!” he declared triumphantly. I sighed.

“I don’t get it!” I said, switching nail polish from a dark purple to a light shade of blue and starting to paint my left hand.

Emmett looked hurt and confused. “But you didn’t even see it!” he complained.

“I was saving the time,” I shrugged.

Rosalie came prancing into the room. “What’s up?” she asked.

“Hey, Rose!” Emmett exclaimed, brightening. “Look! I have the first 3 chapters of my vampire comic!”

Rosalie kissed his cheek. “I’m so glad you finally got a hobby!” she said, enthusiastically.

“Yeah, so he can stop raiding Wal-Mart,” Jasper commented.

“Or running after first graders with plastic fangs,” Edward put in.

“Or painting all over dolls with gold lipstick,” I chimed in, finishing off my left hand with one last, short brush stroke. “And by the way, you owe me three tubes of that!” I glared at him.

He snorted and turned away. “Thank you, Rose! At least someone appreciates my amazing talent at funniness and smartness!”

She beamed and planted another kiss on his cheek. Then she looked disdainfully at all of us.

“Now, who took my purple nail polish?” She snarled at me. I looked up at her with huge, innocent eyes.

“I’ll bring it back!” I exclaimed in a meek voice. Rosalie rolled her eyes.


I smiled and giggled before switching hands and beginning painting my right thumb blue. “Thank you, Rose!”

She rolled her eyes and glided upstairs.

Emmett looked over his comics.

“You know,” he said thoughtfully. “I might start a daily newspaper! And each issue will have a new chapter of my comic! And everyone will be waiting and waiting and waiting to find out what happens next, but they’ll have to wait a whole day! And then I’ll get fan letters and everything because I am so smart and so funny!” He laughed and ran upstairs.

“He never stops, does he?” Edward sighed, turning to his book. I bit back a smile and leaned back letting my wet nails dry.

The next day, an issue of the Cullen Tribune was laid out on each doorstep. Opening my door, I nearly stepped on it. I looked down at mine and picked it up. I could hear Emmett at his door, listening for everyone’s reactions.

I looked it over, and then said loud enough for everyone to hear, “I don’t get it!”