Alternative fight scene for Breaking Dawn
The fight scene left me wanting and needing more. All of that build up, and nothing to really show for it. This is my version of the events.
***I used exerpts from the book (pages 730 and 732) in order to let you know where my thoughts fit into the original story.
1. Chapter 1
Rating 5/5 Word Count 2457 Review this Chapter
I knew he was desperate to keep Edward and me, to imprison us the way he had hoped to enslave Alice. But this fight was too big. He would not win if I lived. I was fiercely glad to be so powerful that I left him no way not to kill me.
"Let us vote, then," he said with apparent reluctance.
Caius spoke with eager haste. "The child is an unknown quantity. There is no reason to allow such a risk to exist. It must be destroyed, along with all who protect it." He smiled in expectation.
I fought back a shriek of defiance to answer his cruel smirk.
Marcus lifted his uncaring eyes, seeming to look through us as he voted. "I see no immediate danger. The child is safe enough for now. We can always reevaluate later. Let us leave in peace." His voice was even fainter than his brothers' feathery sighs.
None of the guard relaxed their ready positions at his disagreeing words. Caius's anticipatory grin did not falter. It was as if Marcus hadn't spoken at all.
"I must make the deciding vote, it seems," Aro mused.
Edward let out a terrifying growl. Before Aro spoke each of us knew his decision. He wanted my family too badly. Zarafina and Benjamin were equally important. Was this how it would end? Could I protect them? For a moment my confidence swayed, and the shield weakened. I could feel the weight of Jane’s glare. I looked into her eyes to see that I was not the intended target. She was looking at the child seated upon the russet wolf, MY child. Rage took over. I felt my shield strengthen. It was as heavy as steel, but light as a feather.
I closed my eyes tightly. I would need every thought to keep my shield in place.
It all became a blur. Edward spoke only one phrase. My heart flew from my body and I felt dizzy. Every nerve ending in my body surged with fear and desperate, selfish need. Need that may never be fulfilled…
I opened my eyes in just enough time to see Jacob spin on the spot. He lowered his head, bared his teeth, and then he was gone from my sight.
The most important being in my life was gone. I could not waste a moment on loss or sadness. The only chance they would ever have of escaping rested upon me. My eyes closed again.
I could hear Zarafina’s thick accent as I tried to regain my concentration. “Keep them from Bella! She is our only chance!”
I heard the guard surged toward us. A normal human would probably hear no more than a faint wind. They covered the 50 yard distance in the time it would require a human to take one step. I tightened my eyes and gathered my senses. Everything in my body was aware. I could feel, taste, and smell each of the flames that burned under my shield. Jacob and Renesmee were nearing the edge. Jake stopped, his body tensing. He was deciding which direction would be safest. I had to stretch just a bit farther….
The fight began. It sounded like a ferocious wind. I could feel EVERYTHING! I felt the pricks upon my shield as the guard attacked. The red force tightened around our allies. I could feel Zarafina’s power as it broke past the shield. Darkness overtook the first wave of attackers. Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Tonya, and Kate began the offensive. The wolves poured out from every corner. The horrible screeching sounds were deafening. Each of the others who came to witness for us quickly joined.
The second round of the attack hit the shield. It was taking quite some energy to remain focused with so many obstacles. I pulled my shield against my friends and family yet again. I could feel Ben beside me as he sent huge boulders flying across the field hitting our attackers by the dozens. Horrible screams escaped the mouths of those from outside our protective cover.
“Apparently they dislike burning…,” Zarafina giggled behind me.
“Brace yourselves,” I heard Benjamin mumble, barely audible.
The ground started shaking fiercely. Relief suddenly overwhelmed me as I felt him. Edward was holding me, keeping me upright as the ground below us shifted. I could hear the earth groan fiercely as it forced itself to open. Hundreds of screams became more and more faint as they drifted into the unknown darkness.
“That should keep some of them busy for a bit,” Ben gloated.
“There are still enough to have some fun with though!” Emmett declared wildly.
We were doing well! I could feel the confidence rise to the point of elation. The guard hit us again. Edward softly kissed my cheek and left my side to rejoin the fight. Fear hit me, but I could not allow it to overtake me. Renesmee needed me… I could feel Jake on the south side of the field. It pained him to be away from his pack, and his brothers. I had known him long enough to understand that the very essence of his being wanted to fight back. SHE was the only thing that could keep him away. I would stand here fighting, eyes closed, until I knew they were both safe. As would every other who stood with us. I felt a strange sense of calm, but it came moments too soon.
It was all going fantastically. We could finish this. They would all be safe. Then, suddenly, several flames vanished from my sight. Jacob was outside of my shield. He was making his escape.
Edward shot past me faster than he could move. Rosalie darted immediately after. Panic hit me. I heard a small, fragile scream. Renesmee! The shield dissipated. My eyes flew open immediately, my breathing stopped, and instinctively I traced Jacobs scent across the field. I was standing by Edward and Rosalie in an instant.
The battle continued behind us, but it was lost to me now. Demetri stood directly in front of me. A huge devilish grin spread across his face. Jane and Caius appeared next to him suddenly. Behind them I heard a timid, fearful whine. Renesmee had been knocked from Jacobs back. She now lay on the ground 100 yards away, her knees curled to her chin obviously terrified. Jacob lay on the ground just 10 yards away. He had been injured from the hit Demetri had inflicted, but was recovering quickly. Demetri laid his boot into Jacob’s ribs with a sickening crunch. Jake writhed in agony.
Renesmee and I screamed in unison, “NO!”
Leah, Seth, Embry, and Quil flew to our side. Their teeth were bared in a menacingly, and every hair stood on end. Their stance was low and ready to attack. The fighting on the other side of the field continues without a second glance in our direction. Thankfully the Volturi had not figured out that our shield was down, yet.
I stood completely still. My body felt as if it truly were a statue. My limbs weighed a ton. My brain would not cooperate with me. It just ran around and around in dizzying circles. Random flashes appeared to me. I could not expand my shield far enough to cover our allies on the other side of the field, as well as those who stood next to me. I searched desperately in my mind for an answer. As I contemplated Aro and his shield, Renata, came sauntering over to our small, fierce group. Each of us stood completely motionless, waiting for the other side to attack. They were so close to Renesmee…. They could have her in hand in the blink of an eye. Jane, Demetri, Caius, and Aro stood between me and the most important person in my life. Anger and hatred trembled through my body, waking me up, alerting my senses once again. Red filled my vision again as I waited for Aro to speak.
“Edward, Bella,” Aro spoke with slight discontent in his voice. “Why do you insist on putting all of those you love through such pain? This can all stop if you would simply hand over the child. I have reconsidered her death. It would be a shame to waste the opportunity to study one so unique amongst our kind. She would be kept safe at our compound, where she can be strictly watched.”
Caius flittered to Aro’s side as he continued. “You would be more than welcome to join her. You know we have more than enough resources to include your family at our compound. Your family would be left intact, and this mindless fighting could end.”
“So the three of us can become an addition to your pet collection? I think not!” Edward replied with hatred dripping from every word. “I can hear your thoughts Aro, or do you forget? We will not become mindless assassins like the rest of your guard.”
After pondering for a moment Aro spoke again. “Fine, if this is the way it must be. Jane?”
Everything that happened in the next few moments seemed to be in slow motion. Jane glared at Edward, and in that instant he fell to the ground. Rosalie raced to Renesmee’s side. Demetri stepped closer Jacob’s injured form. Four guard members appeared from nowhere beside Caius who stood facing Seth, Leah, Embry, and Quil. Aro stood back from the group watching intently. I tried repeatedly to throw my shield. My concentration was gone. I could not release it more than a few inches from my body. Demetri gave Jacob another kick and muttered to himself, “It’s too bad I have to kill you. You would have made such an enjoyable hunt I’m sure.”
That was all it took. The wolves sprang in unison toward the guard. Edward let out a horrifying scream, and Jane just stood back smiling at me. I will KILL you! I threw my shield without thinking, or realizing what I had done. The shield hit Jane, and covered her tightly from head to toe. She flew back about 20 feet, and her body coiled. She shrieked over and over again, “NO! HELP ME ARO! NOOOOO! MAKE THIS STOP!” She lay on the ground looking and sounding like a lunatic.
Realization hit me. I had blocked her attack on Edward. It must have bounced off the shield, and was now stuck in her head.
I didn’t have much time before they realized what I had done. My eyes frantically searched for Demetri, Chelsea, Alec, and Renata. These were their weapons. I had to stop them.
I found Demetri first. He leaned towards Jacob, who lay trembling with anger on the ground. Jacob had almost healed, but he could not yet stand, though he continued to try. I drew my energy to my center, but just before I had thrown my shield Rosalie pounced upon Demetri’s back, tossing Renesmee into the air. Renesmee landed softly and climbed swiftly onto Jacob’s back. Immediately Jake sprung to his feet. Rosalie bit into Demetri’s throat savagely, bringing the familiar metallic sound. Emmett sprung across the field and hit Demetri from the right. The two of them ripped Demetri apart.
This was already taken care of. Where were Chelsea and Alec? Chelsea was the next one I saw. There was much more distance between she and I, almost the length of a football field. I closed my eyes, centered myself, and threw. A gasp escaped my throat. Chelsea went flying across the field a second later. I felt her mind trap itself. Onto the next…
I could not see Alec. My eyes flew across the field. Where was he? The fighting continued around me, but with Chelsea lying motionless on the ground some of the guards were simply staring around themselves. Confused, bewildered, and desperately afraid they retreated back to where the Volturi witnesses stood. We now had the advantage of numbers.
Alec appeared out of nowhere next to Jane. “Jane! What’s wrong?! JANE!” he screamed. She did nothing but shriek in response. His gleaming, red eyes met mine. He did not attempt to use his powers. Rage and bloodlust threw his body toward me. A threatening hiss escaped my mouth. I hesitated. I had to keep my concentration on Jane and Chelsea. He was inches from me when he was hit with a thunderous crash. Edward wrapped himself around Alec, and threw him to the ground. Sam, Carlisle, and Emmett helped Edward to finish what he had begun. As they were finishing Jacob nudged me on the back of my shin. I looked and saw that he had Renesmee on his back, but she was unconscious.
A sudden gasp escaped my throat. I screamed, “Carlisle! HELP HER!” He was at my side before I finished speaking. After a moment he spoke, “She is alright I think. Her heart beats strongly.”
Calmly Edward added, “I can see her. Her mind is just overloaded. She is desperately trying to take in everything. She was afraid this would be the last time she would see any of us. She’s calm and relaxed now. She just needs rest.” We hadn’t realized it, but calmness did seem to surround us. How else were we having this conversation in the middle of a war? The thought seemed to click in each of our heads at the same time. Jasper!
"Why don't you join us, Alice?" Edward called loudly. "
Alice," Esme whispered in shock.
Alice, Alice, Alice!
"Alice!" "Alice!" other voices murmured around me. "Alice," Aro breathed.
Relief and violent joy surged through me. It took all my will to keep my shields where they were.
And then I heard them running through the forest, flying, closing the distance as quickly as they could with no slowing effort at silence.
Both sides were motionless in expectation. The Volturi witnesses scowled in fresh confusion.
Then Alice danced into the clearing from the southwest, and I felt like the bliss of seeing her face again might knock me off my feet. Jasper was only inches behind her, his sharp eyes fierce. Close after them ran three strangers; the first was a tall, muscular female with wild dark hair—obviously Kachiri. She had the same elongated limbs and features as the other Amazons, even more pronounced in her case.
The next was a small olive-toned female vampire with a long braid of black hair bobbing against her back. Her deep burgundy eyes flitted nervously around the confrontation before her.
And the last was a young man . . . not quite as fast nor quite as fluid in his run. His skin was an impossible rich, dark brown. His wary eyes flashed across the gathering, and they were the color of warm teak. His hair was black and braided, too, like the woman's, though not as long. He wasbeautiful. As he neared us, a new sound sent shock waves through the watching crowd—the sound of another heartbeat, accelerated with exertion.