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Strained Emotions

Summary:
This is Jasper's point of view of everything that happened it Forks. Bella's arrived and none of the Cullens know how to react. Jasper is by far one of the most intriguing characters to write in their POV. It's so much fun. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it!!


Notes:
So I've decided that I should probably change the rating of this to teen purely because of language. Of course it isn't that bad, I just want to warn some people. :D


16. Confusion Galore

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1416   Review this Chapter

Alice, Emmett, Esme and I were all sitting in the living room watching one of our old vampire movies, when Edward ran through the house as fast as possible.

“What’s up with him?” Emmett asked not taking his eyes off the TV screen.

“Well… from his emotions I’d say he finally figured something out, but is rebelling against it as much as possible,” I said, staring at the stairs that Edward had just disappeared up. He was feeling love stronger than I’ve ever felt from him, but I also could tell that he was in turmoil. He didn’t want to be in love.

“What?!” Alice jumped up. “No! He can’t fight against it! He needs to embrace it…” She trailed off. “I’m going to go talk to him.” She said quickly then was running up the stairs.

I turned to Esme, “Something tells me this isn’t going to be pretty.”

“I just hope nothing gets broken this time,” Esme sighed, looking at the kitchen door that she just replaced.

I smiled at her and strained to hear what was going on up stairs. It sounded like Edward was talking himself out of it and Alice was trying to understand. She always had such a strange view on life. Everything was so easy to accept to her. I understood Edward’s point of view a little better. He suddenly has this new emotion and idea presented to him. He’s been the same for decades. It’s hard for him to suddenly change his thinking. He always thought that humans were shallow and dull, but suddenly he’s found one that isn’t. I understood what it was like to suddenly have to change your mind set.

When Alice started to get angry I decided it was time for me to go up and calm their emotions a little.

I knocked quietly on Edward’s door. Neither heard me as they were too caught up in their argument, so I just slipped in quietly.

“Why is it so hard for you Edward?” Alice demanded. “Why can’t you just accept the truth?”

Edward sighed. He had been over this before. “I just can’t do it Alice. I could never change her into one of us. I’d never be able to be with her. Do you realize how dangerous it is for me to feel this way? I won’t risk it.”

“Edward… You know that you can’t deny it forever.” Alice sighed.

“Edward,” I started. Alice and Edward turned to look at me suddenly, angry that I was there. “What? I knocked,” I said quickly in defense. “Anyways,” I continued. “I’d like to know what happened. Why are you suddenly feeling this way?” I asked out loud. To Edward alone I added, why are you feeling so in love?

Edward sighed and sat on his couch. “Well…” he began slowly then his words spilled out in haste. No mortal could have heard what he said. “I went to go see Bella earlier. I wanted to understand what was going through my head. I didn’t think that I would ever have to stoop as low to sneak into her house, but I found myself in her room watching her sleep. She looked a little upset and restless at first. I sat in her corner thinking about what I was feeling. It’s so strange to me. I don’t understand. Anyways, she startled me by saying my name very clearly. She had been mumbling in her sleep, but it wasn’t anything coherent. I panicked and ran to her window with every intention to leave when Bella sighed my name again, and rolled into a more comfortable position. I realized then that she was asleep, and that she was dreaming about me. I felt strange…” Edward paused. “It was like everything just got warmer in this cold life of ours. It was like… like… I can’t even begin to explain it. I sat back down and continued to watch her sleep, but she didn’t say anything else. A part of me was hoping she would start having a nightmare about me and start shrieking. Another part was terrified that she would do just that. I sat and contemplated everything that had happened. I realized then that I was too dangerous. I shouldn’t even have gone there in the first place. I had to leave and I have to stay away from her. I can’t put her in a position like that again.”

When Edward said Bella’s name, his emotions actually settled. All the other times he flashed between panic and self-loathing. But when he said her name, his emotions fell silent and all that was present was love. Pure love that I knew was stronger than he could imagine.

“Edward. Why are you denying it? You know, and I know, that you love her.”

He opened his mouth to retaliate, but I knew exactly what he would say.

“I know that you think it’s too dangerous. I know what it’s like to suddenly have to understand something completely different then all your life before, but trust me. It’s much easier to accept it then it is to try to deny it. That’s just a lot of grief that will lead to the same conclusion as you just accepting it.”

Edward hung his head and sighed. “I don’t know.”

That was all Alice or I could get out of him, so we decided to give up, that and the fact that Esme had just called, “Kids! It’s time to go to school!”

We all quickly changed and got ready and within minutes we were on the way to school, everyone wondering what would happen once we got there.

As Edward pulled into the parking lot, we all filed out of the car and started walking to our classes. Edward stopped and stared across the parking lot to the back corner. Suddenly he was back there standing next to Bella talking to her.

“This is going to be interesting,” I murmured in Alice’s ear.

She shrugged, “I’ve already seen it.”

“Of course you have,” I replied dully. “And you couldn’t have told me about it?”

“Where’s the fun in that?” she asked then started to walk towards the school.

“Where are you going? I want to watch this.”

“Trust me. You want to be standing closer to the cafeteria.”

I shrugged and found a nice place to stand just close enough to hear Bella and Edward now and I was standing where I could see the cafeteria.

“Do you have a multiple personality disorder?” I heard Bella demand. I had to hold in a laugh at this. I had often wondered the same thing.

I listened closer as Edward struggled to keep focused on his question. He kept getting these waves of affection; I assumed that he was noticing different things that she did that attracted him. I couldn’t help but smile at the different Edward this was. He was slightly unsure of himself and even doubted that she would say anything back to him.

“Do you want a ride to Seattle?” Edward clarified for Bella.

What was he doing? If he thought it was too dangerous, why would he deliberately be putting himself a lone with her? Was he planning something other than a road trip? I wasn’t sure. I made a mental note to ask Alice later.

They had reached the cafeteria now and Bella’s emotions were hilarious. She felt a steady attraction and admiration, but under it all she was confused and angry. I assumed it was from the mixed messages Edward was sending her.

She nodded her agreement to go with him and he became serious. The other half of him that wished she would say no was winning the argument within him at that point.

“You really should stay away from me. I’ll see you in class.” Edward turned and left a confused Bella standing in the rain.

Edward was having a raging war within him. Half of him was glowing with triumph and the other half was screaming it’s self-loathing at putting such an innocent girl at risk.

Bella was just confused. I didn’t have to have the ability to feel emotions to know that. She walked to her class with a dazed look on her face and didn’t even realize it when the bell rang.

I jumped a little when I heard the bell ring. I walked to my class preparing myself to use the Cullen charm to get out of trouble.