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Utube With The Volturi

Well, it's what it says. Bella is a vampire, Caius is the director, and Jane is the camera woman. Rated teen for swearing.

Hey! There really isn't much to say, I said it in the summary! Hope you like it!

1. Videos Galore

Rating 5/5   Word Count 765   Review this Chapter

Bella: Bells, Bells, Swan-like Bells (repeated)

Carlisle: Carlisle! (repeated after two Swan-like Bells)

Rose: Rose, Rose, Rosaline Hale (repeated)

Two Minutes Later Of Bella & Cullen Puppet Pals

Rose: I found the source of the ticking! It’s a pipe bomb!

Rose, Emmett, Bella, Jasper, and Carlisle: Yeay! (simultaneously)

Edward and Esme: NOOOOO! (simultaneously)

Big Noise: Boom!


Aro: Vampires, Vampires, Oh Vampie, Vampie, Vampie, Vampires!

Big Noise: Dun-Dun-Dun-Dun-Duunnnn!

Jane: And Cut!

Caius: Great job everyone, Emmett puppet, great work!

Emmett: What about me?

Caius: Moving on, what next Utube video are we going to mock?

Emmett: The Twilight Movie Trailer!!!!

Jasper: You moron, people have already done that!

Alice: Duh! That’s so obvious Emmett, where have you been?

Edward: And before you say, Niagara Falls, I’m going to suggest that we do Candy Mountain!

Esme: Is that a good idea, Alice?

Alice: Yes

Edward: Hahaha! That’s good stuff.

Caius: Okay then, Candy Mountain it is.

Bella: Yeay!

Later, when they were all set up to mock Candy Mountain

Alice and Bella: Let’s go to Candy Mountain Edward, Candy Mountain!

Edward: There’s no such thing as candy mountain, go eat a werewolf.

Alice and Bella: Shun the non-belivers, shuuuun.

Edward: Fine, I’ll go, but I don’t eat candy, for Pete’s sake!

Alice and Bella: Off to Candy Mountain, we’ll go ahead, you go through the door

Edward: Okay...

Edward: Oww! Seriously, this bridge has major splinters in it! God!

Edward sees the “realistic” door marked “Candy Mountain”

Edward: Oh My God! It’s real!

Edward goes through the door and gets trapped

Edward: What the hell?

Alice and Bella: Nighty- Night!

One time card that somehow passes in front of the camera later,

Edward: Shit! They took my spleen! I need that to store and filter venom!

Jane: Annnnnnnnnnd, Cut!

Caius: Great Job, Alice, Bella.

Edward: What about me?

Caius: Alright, what should we do next? Vampires across the globe are waiting to get this video.

Bella: Yea! ‘Cause it’s a sequel!


Bella: Ummm. Hello?

Alice: OH! Now I get it.

Edward: So do I.

Caius: What is it? That was really strange and out of character.

Aro rolls his eyes

Aro: Not that Stephenie Meyer cares about character, look what she did to Laurent in the movie…

Caius: Well, what did Bella mean by that?

Edward: Alice’s vision said that Bella was going to say that we should do How to be Gangster

Emmett: YEA!

Rosalie: Shut up you idiot!

Emmett: Harsh, much.

Jane: Who’s going to be in the mockery? It’s a two man show.

Caius: Hmmmm.


Everyone backs away from Emmett

Emmett: It was a joke! Christians say, “For the love of God” and the god of vampires is Aro.

Everybody Simultaneously (beside Emmett): Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Aro: Halleluiah, that makes more sense now.


Caius: I choose, Aro, and...

Edward and Alice: NOOOOOOOO!

Caius: Why not? The Volturi has a new addition to the group. Pheon, come on out.

Pheon: Okay Caius.

Caius: Pheon will make our second member of the production forget about vampires.


Later while performing How to be Gangster

Mike: Don’t attack me Aro. I know how to be werewolf now!

Big Noise: Pounding sounds-caused by Aro beating up Mike

Mike: Aoh, stop it, stop it.

Deep Voice You Hear On Commercials: Hey you!

Mike: Who Me?

The D-thing With The Long Title: Yeah, you.

Mike: Mom?

The D. Thing: Still getting beaten up by mythical creatures? And you still can’t defend yourself?

Mike: Mmhim.

The Long D. Thing: Well then, how to be vampire, is the DVD for you.

Mike: Hey! I caught it!

The Deep Voice You Hear On Commercials throws a DVD at Mike

Mike: Aoh!

Deep V.: This DVD includes your two very own personal trainers.

Aro: Yo! Wassup? My name is idiotically long. Call me Aro.

Mike: Yo, yo, yo! Wassup? My name is Mike.

Aro: The first lesson in being a vampire is to swear at werewolves and use stupid hand motions.

Aro: What the fuck are werewolves’ fuckin’ problems, those fucking reatards…

Mike: Lesson number two, you gotta have a cool, quick hand shake with all your homies.

Both: Oh! Wassup!

They do a horribly choreographed and long hand shake that looks like it was done by little girls.

Aro: Lesson three, you gotta know how to pose, and stand cool with your homies.

Aro: Here’s some poses that you can try out with your homies.

A lot of random and stupid poses go by

Aro: A true vampire always breaks the rules.

They do really some retarded “rule breaking”

Aro: Lesson…5 A true vampire knows how to rap.

Really “cool” and “uncool” songs playing back and fourth

Aro: Yo! If you follow all these lessons,

Mike: It should look a little something like this.

Being a "vampire" really didn’t help Mike in the fight.

The Weird Deep Voice Who Left Us a While Ago: Imprint!- teehee!

Really interesting bloopers that have to have been planed, they're so funny, pass by.

Jane: Annnnnnd, CUT!