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How a Resurrection Really Feels

Summary:
Knowing that things won't get easier for him as long as he stays within a ten-mile radius of her, Jacob Black decides that it's finally time for him to take off and go his own way, accepting after much consideration Leah's suggestion of leaving together. But this can only mean one sure thing: catastrophe. Right? Set during Breaking Dawn - AU. Jacob/Leah.


Notes:
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. They belong to Steph Meyer. The plot (the leaving part), however, does belong to me. Story title from a song by The Hold Steady. A/N: I can't tell you how disappointed I was when I read Breaking Dawn. And I still am. This is my take on how things eventually went for Jacob, with Leah. Because, let's face it: this was a ship that should've happened.


1. One - Jacob

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 1478   Review this Chapter

How a Resurrection Really Feels

Chapter One – in Which Jacob Decides He Won’t Suffer No More.

I felt betrayed. I was angry at him, at her, at Leah and above all, at myself. But now I knew and I couldn’t change it; they were meant to be together. Of course he would come to love his own child. I stood on the first step that led to the house when I suddenly stopped dead in my track, thoughts swirling in and out of my head. If I entered that door, there was no going back.

“Jacob?” Edward’s voice was not the one of the burning man. It was soft, with an edge of confusion.

I didn’t answer, but looked into the windows by the entrance and I caught a glimpse of her. She was awake. But I didn’t mention it – I simply looked at her as my heart seared open with wounds nowhere near healing.

“I’m not coming with you,” I whispered then, but I knew he’d heard me. It took me every ounce of strength to utter those words, my insides aching with pain at what was inevitable. I had to leave. Leave it all behind me before it was too late.

“I see,” was all he said as he realized what I was contemplating. What I had decided.

“Do whatever you have to do, Edward. You have my permission,” I said as I scrutinized her thin face through the window. She had a small smile on her lips, her hand caressing her bloated stomach. It hurt to see her.

“Thank you,” he said. I knew he knew she was awake and I could tell he was dying to run into his home and cradle her in his embrace. But I wasn’t finished.

Do whatever you can do to help her, I thought. And tell her… Tell her I’m sorry and that I love her. Can you do that for me? I asked and took a step backwards, glancing at his face. I could see the apologetic eyes, and the sadness simmering somewhere in the depths.

“I promise, Jacob. I’m sorry… For the pain this has caused you,” was all he said before he left me to myself. I didn’t take off immediately. I needed to hear her voice, needed to hear Edward tell her. He spoke to her as softly as he could, and I could imagine him holding her hand. All those times I wished I was the one who could hold her like that, hold her like that forever. It wasn’t possible any longer. I had to leave.

“What? What are you saying Edward? What do you mean he has left? He can’t have,” she rambled, her voice raising an octave or two. And that was my cue. That was my leave.

I trembled, and before I knew it, I was on all fours, running like I’d never run before.

I’m sorry, Jake, I heard Seth whisper silently. Then he concentrated on not thinking.

Me too, Leah offered and she did the same. We all tried the hardest to block our thoughts from the other. All I saw, all I could take in, was the darkness of the forest that ran past me, ran past them, while I escaped as far as I could. They left me to myself; they left me to mourn.

***

I returned just in time to hear that the baby had been born, leaving Bella – as we all had predicted – at the rim of death. After two days running around in the mountains, I went straight for their home and kept to the shadows, pacing around it in my werewolf shape, waiting for someone to tell me what had happened, if she’d survived or if she was gone… To tell me anything at all.

It was the Doc – Carlisle – who stood by the river the day after, waiting patiently for me to join him. I did eventually, my heart heavy and my thoughts scattered. The night was dark, the moon high in the sky though occasionally hiding behind heavy clouds.

“Would you mind phasing?” he asked me when he laid eyes on me by the edge of the forest. I did, but kept to the shadows.

“Is she okay?” I asked with a voice that was thick with grief.

“Bella survived. Thankfully, Edward bit several places for the venom to reach her bloodstream and heart faster. The baby – Renesmee – is well too. A quite extraordinary little girl. She can show you her thoughts by touching you,” Carlisle explained with pride in his voice while I muttered sarcastically to myself, “Very extra ordinary,” not bothering if he’d heard me.

“Do you want to meet them?” he asked as though he’d heard nothing, but I shook my head.

“No. Just tell her… tell her that…” I didn’t know what to say. Or how to say it.

“I will, Jacob. I hope you will find what you’re looking for,” he said and I thought in response So do I.

Carlisle was gone before I even had the time to blink. I could hear howling in the distance, recognizing Seth and immediately, I phased into the creature that lived within me and ran as fast as I could. Hell, for a second there wasn’t even a doubt that I’d be able to outrun Leah.

You wish, a voice said in my head and I couldn’t help but chuckle inwardly. Then I remembered how pissed I had been at her. But also surprised and a bit thankful. Who’d’ve thought, huh?

Don’t mention it, Jake, she said and I snorted.

Don’t think you’re off the hook, I told her a bit roughly but all I got in return was a mocking Ha!

She ran past me, but I closely followed. It wasn’t long until she slowed down and trotted into the clearing where Seth, his sandy brown fur a contrast against the dark forest, stood on all fours and waiting patiently for us.

Seth! I finally exclaimed in my head, suddenly worried. Has something happened? I added quickly.

Nothing’s happened. They haven’t showed up and I’ve seen nothing suspicious, he assured and if I would’ve been able to, I’d let out a sigh of relief.

Good. Then what’s up?

I… Edward told me, just before the birth, what you said. I saw Leah’s furry head turn in my direction and I knew that she now knew too.

Were you planning on telling me or were you just going to take off? She said vehemently and took me off-guard.

Of course I’d tell you, but – I stopped, not knowing what to make of things. Why would you even care, Leah, if I decided to pack my things and leave? What does it matter to you? I suddenly exploded.

It doesn’t matter to me. I want to take off too and we might as well do it together. Don’t question my motives, Jacob.

I’ll do whatever the hell pleases me, I said in a very authoritative voice.

Ooh, the Alpha is speaking –

and I can order you to stay, so shut the hell up. I didn’t know how I’d survive. I saw from the corner of my eye Leah shrug and distance herself from me.

Erm, may I interrupt? A tiny voice spoke up and I looked at Seth who even managed to look sheepish in his werewolf form.

Sigh. Sure, kid.

Well… It looks like you both’ll be leaving soon and I was wondering - now that the baby is born and everything – if we should return home.

I didn’t say anything. I tried not to think. But I knew that he was hoping me and Leah would be convinced to stay –

Not my intention, Jake, I promise. I won’t talk you out of it.

Leah grunted, her small grey form lying peacefully upon dried leaves and twigs. Looking at her reminded me of not having slept for quite a while. At least not in a bed.

Exactly! Say goodbye. Billy will be crushed if you run off again and Mom… Seth felt there wasn’t a need to go on and he was right. We all knew Sue wouldn’t be able to take it, no matter how tough she was.

What do you say, Leah?

What does it matter? I’ll do whatever you want me to. I could hear that she was still mad at me. I knew it was something I had to get used to.

Alright. Let’s head home.

And we took off, farther into the woods; heading toward what I knew would be an unpredictable future.