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Existence

Summary:
What would have happened had the Volturi decided to grant Edward his wish and kill him? Would Bella have been able to get to him in time? Would the Volturi show mercy on them still? Bella races to save Edward's life, though one thing has changed...Edward will be killed.


Notes:


1. Chapter 1: Answer

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Fear...no one is immune to the gut-wrenching, heart-stopping agony that can literally destroy a person. Fear is a part of all of us...never in my life had I ever been so afraid. When he had looked me in the eyes and told me he didn't want me anymore, leaving me in that forest to die...my life was nothing. I was nothing.

But, that pain was nothing compared to the fear I felt now with the possibility that he could die any second. My life, my existence depended on this one decision.

If...it was...yes...then, I would have the Volturi kill me too. I had already decided....I could force myself to live in a world without being his and having him love me. It was hell, but I could do it...for him.

But, if he was no longer in the world, then I had no place in it...there would be no reason for me to stay. I lost the will to live when I lost him...but, the truth was, I clearly never had him. He was never mine. I might not deserve his love, but if he died, I would lose the will to exist. I would insist upon my death as well.

He might not have loved me, but despite what I had tried to convince myself for the past seven months...I had only loved him. My love for him could never be destroyed...and I could never not love him. It was the one thing that had kept me alive for so long...the knowledge that I had known such love. I would never be the same for that. My love for him is what saved my life every day...

It helped me make it this far and it would help me prevail in saving his life, even if that meant I had to give up my own. I owed him that much...I wasn't enough for him to love, so I had no choice. Better me than him.

I was clutching Alice's hand desperately in both of mine, the anxiety and fear destroying me.

Alice avoided looking at me, clearly unable to cope with my pain as well as her own.

We simply sat there in silence for awhile, until Alice gasped, coming out of a trance--most likely a premonition--and shook her head, "No."

My head jerked up, "What?" She simply sat there in shock. "No, what? What?! What is it, Alice; what did you see?"

A look of excruciating agony filled her eyes as she forced herself to look at me. "The Volturi...have decided to kill Edward."

I flinched, both at her words and the use of his name. With those words, I felt my soul, my heart die. How was I still alive? Why couldn't someone just put me out of my misery? Why couldn't I just die? "What?"

"They ruled in his favor. We don't have much time. He could be dead any moment now."

"Don't you dare say that to me, Alice!" I said, angrily, refusing to accept it, "How long?" I asked, urgently.

"Bella--" Alice shook her head, reluctantly, "It's over."

"No!" I practically yelled, struggling not to break down. "It is not over; it can't be over; not now."

"Bella, listen to me--" She tried to touch me but I flinched away, "Bella, we don't a chance against the Volturi. We walk in there, we die. I can't fight them alone and you are just a human--an easy kill. We have no chance of saving him now. None."

"I DON'T CARE!" I yelled, "Go ahead; kill me! What the hell do I need my life for anyway without him? It is not a life and I don't want it anymore. It hurts to be alive, Alice. I...forced myself to stay alive for him...but, if he can't do the same for me, then I'm going to return the favor. My promise meant nothing. And, I just lost all my reasons for keeping it."

"Bella, please, think about this."

"I'm done thinking, Alice. I will not let him die, do you hear me? He has to live. If he dies...I die. At least fighting might give him a chance. If they kill me, they kill me. So what? It's not like I'd be losing anything."

Alice grabbed my arm to stop me, but I jerked it free, "Don't...you dare...try to stop me. After all I have been through...you owe me this much. He owes me this."

"No, Bella, you don't understand--"

"I understand...that the man I love is about to die...and nothing can stop me from saving him...not you, not the Volturi, not even him. So, you can either help me...or you can get the hell out of my way. What's it going to be?"