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Written before the publication of Breaking Dawn...MY ENDING TO THE TWILIGHT SAGA ----- "Edward, what's going on?" He didn't respond. His golden eyes were far away, like he wasn't seeing me. But then something flashed across his face. An expression of anger... "Matt...ew..." Edward managed to get out through clenched teeth, as if he were fighting something internally. "Or maybe he just takes control of your body. That might be it." Jacob had guessed. "Edward!" I reached out a hand to touch his cold skin, but I stopped--my hand hovering in the air between us. The cold distant look had consumed his face. He then spoke in a voice that had pain and fear shooting through me. "Goodbye, Bella," he hissed as he advanced towards me.
27. Chapter 26 - Stars
Word Count 871
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CHAPTER 26: Stars
I ran back to the Cullens’ as fast as I could.
When I burst through the door there was a brief second when I was glad I was unable to cry. Edward was already there as I ran for the stairs, and caught me in his arms. Although I was now exponentially stronger than him as a newborn, I let him sweep my feet out from beneath me effortlessly and carry me up the stairs as I collapsed against his chest and broke down.
He supported me, one arm around my back, the other under my knees, as I sobbed tearless cries of anguish and he carried me up to his bedroom. Once there, he set me down on the bed and just held me while I sobbed without tears.
I was over shorted this time. I had already made the choice once.
This grief was not over the loss of a love—the loss of a future.
This was grief over losing a friend.
Once again Edward only cradled me in his arms as I wept, only this time I did not stain his shirt with salt water—there was none.
I was a bull in a china shop, a black hole.
And yet people kept loving me, and I kept hurting them. It was my nature, and I couldn’t help it. Every time I turned around and tried to do something right, I knocked over something else and it smashed against the floor.
So much damage.
It was all because of me.
And I couldn’t stand it.
It took only an hour this time for me to “cry” myself out this time. I finally opened my eyes to Edward’s anxious gaze.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized softly. “And after I promised it wouldn’t happen again.”
“Bella…” Edward didn’t finish, only brushed a strand of hair away from my face.
“I’m okay now.”
“You look like you’re in quite a bit of pain,” he observed. I looked down to find my fingers were anxiously clenching and unclenching around a fold of the bed sheet.
“Only a little now,” I assured him. My hands still convulsed against the bed sheet.
“What can I do?” His voice had an edge of desperation in it.
“Just hold me,” I whispered.
We sat like that for a long time—my head on his chest, his hand stroking my hair.
I was done.
I was done grieving for Jacob Black.
He was a chapter of my life that had ended, and he was gone. I had grieved, oh how I had grieved. But even in the darkest of nights, there are shooting stars. I had made a wish on mine, and it had come true. Edward had once compared me to a meteor, filling his sky with brilliancy. But that was him in my sky he was describing.
Edward was my meteor—my shooting star.
And he’d crashed to earth and crushed the life I’d known with the brilliancy of his beauty and his love. He was shining so brightly, so brilliantly, that not even the power of the black hole I was could extinguish its light.
And now, there was no going back. I had sucked the sun out of orbit and into the darkness. But I didn’t need the sun when I had my very own star. I had said goodbye to the sun, and was going to have to live with that choice. I knew the tear in my heart would always burn a bit, but it was a part of me.
My hands ran along the bed sheets with pent up energy.
“What can I do?” Edward asked again.
“Distract me,” I pleaded.
“How?” He asked desperately. I chewed my lip, trying not to think of the friend I’d left behind.
“Well,” my fingers kneaded the blanket, “we never did get…our wedding night?” My voice went uncertain and high as I finished my sentence that came out sounding more like a question. Something flickered in his golden eyes, but it was gone too fast for me to recognize what it was.
“Whatever you need, love,” he whispered into my ear, and gathered me to him. “I’m so sorry I didn’t keep my promise.”
“I don’t really mind,” I confessed. “We’re here now, aren’t we? And we’re together, right? Nothing else matters.” He smiled ruefully.
“And now, I don’t have to worry about killing you the entire time.” I giggled to cover up my embarrassment.
“You can just sit back and enjoy it,” I joked back. He chuckled. Uncertainty entered his eyes.
“Bella I—” I put a hand over his mouth, silencing him.
“Don’t be afraid,” I murmured. “We belong together.”
I was abruptly overwhelmed by the truth of my own words.
This moment was so perfect, so right; there was no way to doubt it. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me tighter against him.
It felt like every nerve ending in my body was a live wire.
“Forever,” he agreed.
“Forever,” I whispered back.
And then Edward bent to press his lips to mine.