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Choice of Death

Summary:
Breaking Dawn Spoilers Nessie & Jacob are finally married but it might end soon. Nessie had a decision to make and she's made it but Jacob finds it hard to understand because he wants her with him always. Reviews help me write faster... I swear it's true! :)


Notes:


1. Choice of Death

Rating 5/5   Word Count 801   Review this Chapter


I could feel his breath warm against my neck, burning my icy skin. The burning wasn’t painful: it was comfortable, welcome. It was the one feeling I would trade for no other. – Sure his lips against mine meant the world to me, his hands on my waist gave the universe a purpose… But that feeling of him being there without him even touching me… Knowing he was inches away and feeling his heat in more ways than one… That was priceless.

“Nessie,” he murmured my name. His soft, smooth voice ran across my shoulders and danced up to my ears. Magic.

“Mmm…” I couldn’t speak. He still hadn’t touched me, but I felt him all over. He was there in my heart, he filled up my nose, my ears… I turned around to face him and sighed: perfection. There could never be a face sculptured more ideally than his. Every inch of it screamed his name, his character. It was entirely his own and I loved it so much.

He closed his eyes and moved his chin to rest above my head, I moved into his chest whilst his arms wrapped around me. I was home, I was safe, I was loved. This moment, however small, was yet another perfect memory. I would cherish it as long as I lived.

Not long. I could feel the strength fading from me day by day. In his arms I felt like the queen of the world, but the second I left them the feeling faded. His smile warmed my body, his laugh lit up my world… No matter how little time I had to live, each second with him made me hold on just that little bit longer, that little bit harder.

The little person inside me kicked and I felt Jacob tense. I knew he thought that he couldn’t live on without me, but he would have to… Our little baby would need him to guide her through life, to be there when I could not. I looked up into his eyes and smiled, “You know I will always love you, even when I’m gone?”

His face moved into a smile but it didn’t reach his eyes. I moved onto my tip-toes to kiss the crinkles around his eyes: he worried to much. “Jacob, I love you more than anything in the world. I would do anything to stay with you, but I can’t, I have to go aw-”

He jerked away, “it’s killing you! That thing inside you. It’s making you weak, it’s taking you away from me!”

He had it wrong, all wrong. “That’s what they thought I was doing to Bella, but she survived. And yes, I probably won’t, and I’m ready for the worst, but the little baby inside me… It’s thinking, it’s feeling… It loves me. I can’t kill something that loves me. I can’t… Jacob I wouldn’t be the woman you married if I didn’t go through with this. I have a part of you inside of me, and by killing our baby I’m killing part of you. I can’t do that! I love you more than anything else in the world and if I have to sacrifice part of myself to keep all of you alive, then I’m okay with that.”

“But I’m not! I can’t let you throw your life away for me. I can’t lose you, you don’t understand. I need you here. I need you by my side. You have no idea how much I rely on you to get through the day… Without you I am nothing.”

I took his hands in mine and placed them over my belly, “You will always have a part of me, no matter how small, physically there with you. – Within our child. But more than that you should know that I will find a way to be with you always, even when I’m gone. I will find a way to stay with you, to be with you for when you need me. Trust me on that.”

My little angel kicks again. I know she’ll be strong for her father, that she’ll make him see that what I’m doing is right. - He can’t see it now but he will, someday… I shouldn’t be worrying about all this: I still have time with Jake, and I’m not going to waste another second of it. I pull myself closer to him and feel his arms wrap around me, I know he’s trying to understand and I’m grateful.

But sometimes I wonder: is it worth it? These moments with him, so perfect, would I care whose life I sacrifice to keep on living them?

Of course… Of course I care… I shake my head, silly me, I’m making the right decision… Of course I am.