I Will Love You
"She could hear his fingers racing across the keys, slowing finally, playing each heartbreaking note precisely in time with the next. The weightless lullaby had begun to weep, as if the notes themselves were sobbing."
1. Chapter 1
Rating 5/5 Word Count 2106 Review this Chapter
I Will Love You
A/N: It has been a long time since fan fiction has come from this imagination, so we’ll see how it goes, but… I have been somewhat inspired, by some personal experiences and by getting into some of Robert Pattinson‘s music.. This one’s for, to and in honour of my aunt. Who is still living, just so you know.
Disclaimer: Thanks Stephanie!
He stormed into his room, despite his constant low temperature, he could feel his temperature rising. He paced the way he imagined a human would. Now that he was putting it into practise, he couldn’t understand why. It was in no way achieving the calming effect it seemed to have on humans. It only infuriated him more.
“Edward? What happened? Alice had to come get me from the woods. I can’t believe you left me there. I’m enough danger to myself, let alone whatever else is out there!” In his rage, and inability to hear her thoughts, Edward hadn’t realised Bella was in the house. The thought surprised him, but he had more pressing issues.
“Yes, I know.”
“Well?” Her voice was low and harsh, but her eyes were worried, confused…afraid. Edward finally caught her smell. It was faint from having been out in the woods, and Alice having run her back, but for a moment, all Edward could think about was how close the amazingly, perfect, human girl was standing to him. It wouldn’t take much and she could be his. One taste was all he needed. Hell, she’d probably give herself to him if he asked her to. But he wouldn’t ask her to, ever.
“You have to go.” He told her plainly, his features set as if in stone, emotionless.
Tears welled up in Bella’s eyes instantly. “What?”
“I’m going to ask Carlisle to take you home.”
“Why?” Only the pitch of her voice gave away her fear, slightly higher than usual and shaky.
“Foot traffic. Not human, a group, they’ll be here before dawn. ”
“I don’t know why so many have been around lately, but you need to go.” Edward was firm, he’d failed so many times at keeping his own resolve to stay away from Bella, this time he refused to give in. He’d rather her safe and alone, than in constant danger by his side.
“Okay, I’ll go. For how long this time? A week? Five days? I just needa know how long you won’t be at school.” She was orderly about the topic of conversation, a fact Edward noted that he didn’t enjoy. She was too good for this life. On the run, hiding, secrecy… She deserved so much better than this; than him.
“Bella…” He trailed off.
“No.” She spoke quietly. If it hadn’t been for his impeccable hearing, he may not have heard her at all. “Not again Edward. I can’t hear this again. You’re not keeping me away. I’m not going away. Please don’t do this.” Bella pleaded.
“I should have been stronger the last time Bella, you have to understand, this will never stop. If you’re with me, this is it. Forever.” Her eyes widened at the word “forever”. “Forever, for me at least, I don’t want that for you.”
“Make me strong too then.” She bargained, pulling at her own collar gently, exposing the taut, pale skin of her neck.
“I can’t.” He looked away, clenching his fists, as though he had more to say, but he didn’t continue.
“You won’t.” She retorted cruelly.
“You’re right. I won’t.” With that he disappeared, exiting the room in speeds Bella’s eyes didn’t recognise. She allowed a single tear to fall down her cheek. Bella had never been in love before Edward, but surely it was worse to be apart from someone, knowing they didn’t truly want to be apart from you. That must be true tragedy.
For days Bella called the Cullen house, hoping Edward would change his mind. But he wouldn’t take her calls. He had his Biology class changed. He stopped sitting in the cafeteria for lunch. He even stopped driving to school for fear of running into her in the parking lot.
The days turned into weeks, the Alice stopped Bella in the corridor before fourth period. Her eyes were worried and her voice quiet.
“He’s not the same without you. He plays his music and he studies, but he’s missing something. He’s missing you.”
“He’s the one avoiding me.” Bella reminded the youngest Cullen daughter.
“He doesn’t know what’s going to happen. He’s scared. Remind him Bella. Bring him back to life.” With that Alice bounded away back to her family, leaving Bella with the thought of saving Edward. An appealing idea, given all the saving Edward had done of her.
As she approached the house Bella could hear the music echoing through the woods. She opened the vast door and headed straight to the music room, where she remembered stood a great grand piano. The door was open, however as she got closer, the door slammed shut. Edward must have gotten up to close it without missing a bar. The music that came from behind the door floated around her as if it were tangible. It soaked into her hair, it crawled into every pore, it filled her mind and suddenly she knew. She couldn’t describe in words what his music was saying to her, but she could hear it as if it were her natural language. The summery notes were fantastically beautiful, but so incredibly sad at the same time. She could hear his fingers racing across the keys, slowing finally, playing each heartbreaking note precisely in time with the next. The weightless lullaby had begun to weep, as if the notes themselves were sobbing.
“I will love you, always. Despite everything and anything…” A tear slipped down Bella’s cheek, she didn’t wipe it away. “I will love you.” She spoke in her softest whisper, not one-hundred percent sure she’d meant to speak out loud. The music floated with her words, she held back a sob. She leaned her forehead against the cool glass of the door, suddenly, almost in time with the music, stood upright, pulled a small Swiss army knife out of the pocket of her jeans and flipped open the blade. She had no guarantee that this wouldn’t tip him over the edge, and in doing so, taking her hurtling along with him. But she couldn’t see any other way, all he had to do was smell… Bella extended the palm of her left hand and sliced cleanly down the middle of it with the knife in her other. She winced in pain, but let out no sound. The music Edward had been playing stopped, then silence.
After a moment of nothing a shadow appeared on the other side of the frosted glass. Was it Edward? Wasn’t there supposed to be frenzying and blood-lust?
There was nothing, the figure rested his own forehead on the glass of the door. He brought a hand up and rested his fingertips on the door next to his face. He wanted so badly to reach through and touch her. To take away the pain and tell her that he wasn’t worth all that she was currently experiencing. More than anything else though he wanted to put his fist through the glass, reach for her hand and put it to his lips, quenching the thirst and the aching hunger that had been building ever since she arrived. But he stayed completely still and focused on stopping breathing. He didn’t need it to be alive, so he would go without. Not smelling at all had to be a better alternative than only being able to breathe Bella and not have her. He watched her step away from the door when he didn’t give in to her final attempt. Suddenly his thirst wasn’t the only ache felt. Inside his chest, where he imagined a heart would have beat, a long time ago, the muscles were contracting ever so slightly and he was forced to reach for his chest, not out of pain, but out of curiosity. Once again, he was reminded that no matter how small a part, he was still human. And he had never in all his years felt for another human what he was feeling for Bella Swan.
Alice appeared at the door beside Bella, holding a roll of bandage crepe. “You probably shouldn’t have done that.” She spoke quietly, and without anger.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”
“It’s okay. I understand.” She smiled and walked away, watching Bella’s bleeding hand as she left. Bella started to wrap her hand in defeat, and walk away. The sound of Edward’s expert fingers dancing across the keys of the grand piano filled the silence. In an angry act of desperation she turned back to the closed door that separated her from Edward and ripped the bandage off her hand. She held out her hand dramatically in front of her, palm facing the ceiling and allowed the tears to flow freely.
“I will love you.” She whispered. The soft lullaby he had been playing earlier resounded through the room. The bittersweet melody.
“Don’t pretend you don’t hear me.” She said out loud, only slightly louder than her prior whisper.
Still Edward didn’t stop playing. The composition rising in volume and intensity as it built towards its climax.
“I will love you.” Bella repeated, again louder, against the rising volume. She held her hand towards Edward.
“Don’t pretend you don’t smell me.” Still she got no response. The music slowed in tempo slightly, but didn’t stop. She was willing to give in now. She tried as hard as she could. She was tired. Tears streaming down her face out of pure anger and sadness, she slammed her bleeding hand against the glass of the door, leaving a smeared, bloody handprint. She rested her forehead against the back of her hand and tried to gain so composure before making her way out of the Cullen house, passed the all-knowing Cullen family.
“I will love you.” She whispered once more against the door. She turned to leave and the melody slowed, the notes completely synchronised, Bella could hear the song come to a close and end on a final, singular note. It was perhaps the most perfect sound she had ever heard. Still she turned and kept walking. Edward had won.
Edward watched her silhouette through the frosted glass. Pulling her hand away, leaving a bloody handprint, head hung like she had just lost the will to live. He realised he couldn’t do it. Because she was right, he’d been pretending he couldn’t hear her. And pretending he couldn’t smell her. It didn’t matter what he did, or what she did, or what they did together, his mind was constantly and always on her. When she wasn’t with him, he went slightly crazy, losing sanity here and there. If this meant he was weak, then he was weak. Before he had anymore time to think about it, he was out of the room, eyeing the handprint of blood, stepping in front of Bella, just as she had walked out the front door. Without words, he took her right arm in his hands, careful not to touch the blood.
“Don’t-” Edward started.
“-move. I know.” Bella cut in. She stared at the pale of Edward’s face against the red of the blood from her hand. Slowly, Edward brought her hand closer to his nose, his display of self-control, took every muscle in his lean body. Slowly he inhaled, breathing in every single aroma from Bella that he could. It was intoxicating, it was very nearly too much. He pulled Bella’s hand away from him face and pulled out the white bandage crepe and began to re-wrap her hand.
“So can I.” He was intent on finishing the seemingly simple task, as if he had something to prove.
He tucked the end into another part of the bandage and pulled his own cold hands away from her warm ones. He let his eyes meet hers for the first time in what felt like years. They were sad and pleading. They were forgiving and innocent and confused.
“I will love you.” Bella’s words came clearly and freely. “Always and forever, I will love you. Can you understand that?” Edward took a step and closed the space between them. He closed his arms around her and put his lips to hers. Bella gripped his jacket tightly when she pulled away. Afraid that he might change his mind again, afraid that she might lose the most important person in her life, again. He could think of no way to tell her that this was it. The lion will be brave no more.
“I will love you,” were his only hushed words as they stood locked in their embrace.