Text Size Large SizeMedium SizeSmall Size    Color Scheme Black SchemeWhite SchemeGrey SchemePaper Scheme        

The Drunk Twilight Saga

We have returned!!! Girlysquirrelly is back! Just alot of drunk funness with Jacob and Bella! Laugh your butt off! Or else... Remeber... review review review!!!

Written by NG and Blondie!!!!!

1. Girlysquirrelly is back!

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 642   Review this Chapter

“Holy shiznit! I have to pee,” Bella slurred as she plummeted down the deep dark EVIL staircase. (which then proceeded to eat her! Ha ha just kidding! I got you didn’t I? >:D)

Jacob stumbled in to the story (drunk obviously! I’m appalled that you didn’t already know that! Dummy.) “Yous felled!” he stated as un-soberly as your blood-alcohol level will allow you to be.

“STOP RIDICULING ME!” Bella sobbed obnoxiously. “Why are you werewolvies so friggen meanie butted? I mean, you’re almost RACIST!!!”

Jacob gasped dramatically and fell to the ground, his chest heaving.

“Your words are hurtful young grasshoppa, but I will defeat you… in an interpretive dance battle!!!!”

Bella smiled in an incredibly evil lopsided fashion and opened her mouth to begin to slur…but Jacob leap up and span around and snapped and did an array of other odd thing.

“Shut up!” he murmured in an Spanish accent ( <):{O Ole!)

“But I didn’t say anything!” Bella whined LOUDLY (See? In big letters for the LOUD emphasis)

“J-JUST SH-SHUT UP-P!!!” Jacob stuttered dumpishly, while ddancing his bbutt-tuh-tuh off-fa-fa! (ha ha ha Jeff Dunham!)

Bella did an impressive matrix spin and whipped out….

Her finger pointed in the shape of a gun!!! (muahahahaha!)

“BANG!” she screamed in a realistic gun-shot fashion. “BANG BANG BNAG!”

Jacob grabbed his chest in mock pain and gasped in mock horror… or was it REAL horror??? We will never know…….. >:) But wait! He leaped in a heroic way (while halleluiah chorused in the back round… of his mind.) and punched his fist in the air. He was alive!!!!

“Guns don’t kill people, people kill people! So BANG!” Jacob (the epitome of manliness :D) pulled out a REAL gun (*gasp*) and attempted to hold it up to shoot Bella, but because he was such a little drunkie, he missed by a mile. Literally. He shot in the other direction. But sadly, it manged to circle around the world, not hitting anything, and it killed our favorite character. Oh what a sad day for all twilighters. Oh well. At least little Eddy didn’t die. ON WITH THE STORY!!!!!

So little Eddy waltzed into our little fanfiction (and no he wasn’t drunk. What is with teenagers these days? All of their minds are stuck in gutters. Is all they do get drunk and have sex? I mean, COME ON! Enough with my mindless ranting…. ON WITH THE STORY! Uh… AGAIN!)

Eddy bit our beloved Bella and she twitched for a few days but that, my friend, is unimportant! When she woke up, she was a vampire… with a big bulgy vampire belly! She then realized her eggo was preggo!!!! (hehe Juno moment :) ) Beloved Eddy and Beloved Bella went to see our Beloved Carlisle to fix our little beloved preggo eggo. To fix it… he just bit it off! Everything was fine and normal. Bella just had a ripped up stomach, that’s all.

Okay this story is going nowhere….. let us rewind shall we???

R E W I N D………Back to when Jacob pulled out the gun…………………………

Jacob (the epitome of manliness :D) pulled out a REAL gun (*gasp*) and attempted to hold it up to shoot Bella, but because he was such a little drunkie, that he couldn’t hold it up and it clattered to the floor and exploded into a million pieces. (none of which hit Bella. I can’t believe you think we would do that to her!!!)

“I am ALIVEEEEE! It’s a miracle!” Bella mumbled so incoherently it sounded like “M’LIEEEEEE! Sa mruhcle!”

Jacob stumbled and slurred “I gettt youu next time fooo’” and fainted.

Bella looked at him, shrugged, and skipped off the screen.

And everyone lived happily ever after! Except Jacob. Cause he never lives happily ever after.