Without her I am nothing but a ghost of what I use to be. This must be what she felt when I left her. Now she's left me, and she can never come back. The dead can't come back. Without her my world is falling apart. Bella died and now Edward is slowly going crazy.
Just for fun, trying to get into Edward's head.
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September 13, the worst day ever. September 13, the day my Bella didn’t get to see. The day that made my life just a little bit harder to live. The day that made me want to march into the lair of the Volturi and tell them to kill me once and for all. The day that I had been hating for the past seven years.
Seven years ago my Bella had given birth to our daughter, Renesmee, the most beautiful child on the planet. Her birth had also brought down the death of my Bella. My wife, my life, had died on that table. I had saved our child, I hadn’t been fast enough to save my Bella. It was my fault that I hadn’t been able to save her. I had been the one to kill her. I hadn’t done enough. I should have done more. I should have done something, anything. I shouldn’t have let Bella die.
Seven years still wasn’t enough to wash away even one tenth of the pain I felt at the loss of my Bella. I couldn’t even be around my family any longer, they made me think of her. My daughter caused me pain, she looked so much like her mother. I couldn’t be around them. I had ran away, trying to escape the memory of her.
It hadn’t worked. Everywhere I went I saw her face. Her father harassed me, telling me I had killed his daughter. The FBI even started an investigation into her death, but Carlisle quickly had the case put away, pulling some of his strings in the government. I was left in peace, for seven years to mourn the death of the most precious thing in my life. The thing that I need most.
Losing Bella brought out the worst in me. Killing was the only thing I could get swept up in. Killing so that I couldn’t think about her. Killing so that I could never think about her. It was the only thing I could go. My eyes were always red, had been for seven years. It was the only thing I could do from going crazy from exposing my family and my race to the world. I wanted the Volturi to come down and kill me. It would be doing me a favor.
The loss of Bella in my life was the worst thing. The loss of my daughter, by my own choice, was hard. The loss of my family, the loss in their faith was twinge at my heart. The loss of my sanity was driving me into insanity. Edward Anthony Cullen was nothing like he had been, he was gone. Instead the old, rebellious Edward came back. The one that went through the streets at night, looking for someone to kill. Looking for trouble. Looking for some way to drown the pain.
Nothing could make me go back to the real Edward Cullen, I could only be the new one. The one that wanted his wife back, the one that could do nothing but kill. Without help I would slip into insanity and never come out of it. Without something to live for I would be nothing but a shadow killing in the night. I just had to have something to live for.