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Without Her

Summary:
Without her I am nothing but a ghost of what I use to be. This must be what she felt when I left her. Now she's left me, and she can never come back. The dead can't come back. Without her my world is falling apart. Bella died and now Edward is slowly going crazy.


Notes:
Just for fun, trying to get into Edward's head.


2. Newton

Rating 0/5   Word Count 1019   Review this Chapter

Chapter Two

I walked out of the elevator, jaw clenched, hands balled up inside my jacket. There were humans, lots of humans, in the lobby, some waiting to check in, some just waiting for someone or something. I was only here because it was a safe place to own. Esme owned, after having fixed it up she had been unable to let go on the hotel. It was a good thing she had held onto it, because it was giving me the perfect place to hide out, while also letting my family know that I was still safe.

"How dare you show your face!" A voice shouted from across the lobby.

I looked up, eyes narrowed. It was Mike Newton. His thoughts told me everything. He was upset, he thought that I had killed Bella. He wanted to beat me into a pulp and then pour acid over me. He wanted me to die for killing her. He thought he could have done such a better job at keeping her alive. He could have. He wouldn’t have created a half human half vampire child within her.

He was standing in front of me, my height. His eyes were blazing with furry. He wanted me dead, oh so dead. "Can I help you, Mike?" I asked. It made him madder to hear me speak so lightly, to speak with a normal voice. I had learned to keep the pain out of my voice years ago.

"How dare you show your face anywhere. You killed her. You should be locked up in prison right now. If I had my way you would be. You don’t deserve to see the light of day. Bella deserved better than you." He shoved my shoulder, and to keep up appearances I moved just a little bit.

"She did. She should have married you. Now do you mind, I do have to go somewhere." I growled, hating to admit that Bella should have gone with this pond scum.

He let me walk past, but he didn’t let me get to the door before speaking again. "I hope you know that you’ll pay for what you did one day, Cullen. I hope you burn in Hell!" He screamed. All eyes were on him and I. They wanted to see what I would do.

"I’m already there." I muttered, walking out into the windy night.

Chicago was the perfect place for me to hide out in. The city of my birth, the city where I should have died in. The windy days kept plenty of cloud cover over the city, and no one ever bothered me. The deaths I also brought never caused much of a stir. There was too much crime in certain parts of the city. I knew it well, I knew what I was doing.

I only made it a block away from the hotel before I sat down on a park bench. Seeing Mike Newton made the pain so much worse. If I could cry I would have balled like a baby without a mother. My wife, my love, the most beautiful thing in the world was gone. She was never coming back. Isabella Marie Swan Cullen was gone from the world and it was my fault. I had killed her.

"You okay, son?" An old woman asked as she walked by. She was worried that I would freeze in the cold weather. There was a snow storm coming and she was concerned I didn’t have a place to stay. She didn’t know that I was wearing a few thousand dollars in clothes, or that I had more money than I knew what to do with.

I looked up at her. "I’m fine, ma’am." I gave her my most dazzling smile, the one Bella had always gotten onto me for using on helpless people. "Just enjoying the night."

She went on her way and I stayed where I was. I stayed until everyone had vanished from the streets, and it was only me on the park bench looking out at the water. I knew that someone would come and mess with me before I left, and that was what I was counting on. Some drug dealer would come wanting to know if I wanted anything, and then I would kill him. He wouldn’t be missed by many, just his junkies.

The drug dealer came at three in the morning, sliding up on the bench with me. He was well dressed, one of the dealers supplying the upper class. He knew by the looks of my clothes that I could be a very profitable customer. I bantered with him on the price of his drugs, telling him I knew where to get better stuff at a cheaper price. I told him that I had something to sell as well.

"What you got?" He asked, looking at me, trying to find whatever it was that I could sell him.

"It’s in my car, man." I said, nodding back to a parking lot behind me. There was apartments there and any of those cars could be mine. "Great stuff. You’ll never find anything like it. Really cheep to. You want to try some?" He was a junky through and through, and was willing to try anything once.

"Yea, I let me see it."

I lead him to the apartments, going into the side ally the ran near the parking lot. "My cars in here. Don’t want the cops finding what I got." I pulled out a set of keys from my pocket, keys to the car I no longer had. The Volvo had died long ago without Rosalie to fix it. The man was still following.

I turned on him before he knew what was going on. My teeth were slashing open his throat, and I was drinking his blood. I was the monster that I had always told Bella I wasn’t. I killed. I killed people. If Bella was alive she wouldn’t let me do this. She would pull me away, she wouldn’t even let me think about it. But Bella wasn’t there to be my rock. She wasn’t there to keep me from killing the man.