Text Size Large SizeMedium SizeSmall Size    Color Scheme Black SchemeWhite SchemeGrey SchemePaper Scheme        

Alone

Summary:
ALL HUMAN. What if Edward Cullen isn't the good guy all the time? Bella is Pregnant and Edward refuses to accept it.


Notes:
Just a little story I wrote. Hope you all like it.


21. Chapter 21

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1620   Review this Chapter

Bella POV

I turned away from Edward. I could tell he wanted to touch me. It was written in his eyes and across his face. I was so torn. The old Edward that I knew was poking his head out and yet, I was scared to believe that he was really changing. I guess I'm so used to him being rude and mean that the fact of him actually caring about me was...odd. I couldn't go back to Jake like this. I knew he needed me to be strong for him. But why was I crying like this? I had only met Billy a few times, it's not like we were close. My mind and heart were screaming two different things.

"Bella," Edward said.

I could feel his breath on my skin, and it sent a chill through me. The same chill that I had before and hadn't felt in a while. I felt his hand on my shoulder and stopped breathing again.

"Bella," he said again. "You're in pain, let me help you."

Edwards grip on my shoulder tightened. I turned to face him, and found myself practically jumping in his arms. Why did his arms around me feel so good...so right? Why did the smell of him make my head spin? Why did a part of me feel like I was home? I felt a sense of peace here, and I knew it was wrong. Very, very wrong. But why wasn't I stopping? Why wasn't I pulling away and kicking myself?

Edward started running his hand over my hair and the image of Jake flashed before my eyes, followed by the guilt. I was engaged to Jacob, whom I loved. I can't keep running to the Cullen's to help heal my wounds or solve my problems.

"No," I said into Edward's chest. "No, I can't do this. I shouldn't do this."

"It's alright," Edward said.

Out of the corner of my tear filled eyes, I saw the Cullen's standing on the porch. I'm sure they were curious as to what was going on.

"It's not alright," I said shoving myself away from him.

"Bells..."

"I love Jacob, Edward!"

"You love me too! I know you do!"

"You're the father of my children, of course I love you."

"That's not what I meant."

"I am marrying Jacob. You can't keep doing this to me."

"Doing what? Making you realize that I'm working on everything you and Carlisle asked me to? Making you realize that maybe Jacob isn't the right person for you? Deep down you know you still want me. You can only ignore that for so long before you finally act on it."

"I don't! I don't love you like that...not anymore."

Edward grabbed my wrist, pulled me to him and kissed me. this wasn't like the last time he did this. No, this was different. This had fire and passion and love behind it. But was it coming from me or Edward?

"Bella," I heard a familiar voice say. "Bella, what are you doing?!"

I pushed away from Edward.

"Bella, answer me," he said.

"It's not what you think, Jake," I said quietly.

"Then what should I think? Not twenty-four hours ago I ask you to be my wife, then my father passes and now you're kissing him! The same idiot who hurt you time and time again!"

"I didn't do it! He kissed me!"

Jacob walked up to Edward.

"If I didn't love Bella so much, I'd break your jaw for touching her," Jacob said.

"Jake, really, it's not her fault," Edward said. "I crossed the line, not her."

I looked at the two of them. Both of them were in pain. Jacob, because of his father, and Edward because he loved me and I didn't love him...not like that. I wasn't sure how much more I could take of them. I looked over at the porch. Alice and Rosalie were practically dying from all of this. I knew they heard the words 'married' and 'Jake.' But Esme, she looked back at me with love. She was the closest thing I had to a mother here in Forks.

When I looked back at Edward and Jake, nothing had changed, and a thought occurred to me: would this ever end? I mean, would Edward keep making me feel like this the entire time I was with Jake? Would Jake do a complete flip and act as Edward did if I was him instead? And where was I in all of this? In all of these thoughts, not one time did I see myself. It was always the two of them. Why was that? Was I so far gone between the two of them that I had lost track of who I was?

I couldn't stay here anymore. I wouldn't be able to clear my head with these two so close. I started to walk past the house, to a small clearing by the river I liked to go to think. I saw Alice and Rosalie move to join me, but Esme stopped them. Carlisle did the same with Jacob and Edward.

I don't know how long I sat there, staring at the river, when I heard someone behind me.

"Bella," a soft, sweet voice said. I recognized it immediately. "Honey, are you alright."

"I'm not sure, Esme," I said.

She sat down next to me and wrapped a blanket around the two of us.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's going to sound stupid."

"I doubt that."

"I'm just so confused."

"Just say it. Say everything. Nothing you tell me, or don't tell me, will be repeated. Not even to Carlisle."

I looked at her for a moment and could see she genuinely cared for me, like a third daughter.

"Is it ever okay to love two people?"

"During a lifetime or at the same time?"

"I love Jacob. There's no doubt about that. I can see me being his wife, having children, growing old together. I love how he loves my kids. Jacob helped me realize that just because I am a young mother, doesn't mean I don't deserve happiness. He brings out so many things in me. I find myself constantly thinking about him when he's away from me. But I also...kind of...still love Edward too. Don't get me wrong, I'm still angry with him and still some sense of betrayal. But, I've seen the changes in him. I want him to be better, and I can't help but wonder what would be if I was with him. No matter which way I decide, I'll hurt one of them and that's not okay with me. I don't want that for either of them."

"Bella, when was the last time you did something for yourself," Esme asked.

"I guess when I accepted Jake's proposal?"

"How do you feel about that?"

"I don't know. I want to be with Jake."

"But?"

"But when I think about it, all I see is Edward's tortured face. I see him standing there, waiting for me, and I'm not there. And I feel so incredibly guilty. The same thing with Jake. I see me, Edward, Maddy and Masen as a happy family, and Jacob all alone. What do I do?"

"Bella, I can tell you that the two of them only want the best for you. Maybe what you need is some time without them. Time to get back to you."

"What do you mean?"

"As much as you see each one of them hurting, you're the one who's hurt the most. As much as you love both of them, in their own way, I fear you no longer love yourself. You can't make a decision like this if you're not true to yourself, Bella. The two of them are so wrapped up in each other over you, that I really don't think they see how much pain you're in. It's eating away at you and pretty soon you'll be nothing but a ball of emotional silly putty."

"So who do I choose?"

"I'm afraid I can't answer that. But deep down you already know who you truly want."

"But what if it's not Edward, Esme? Wouldn't you and Carlisle be angry with me if I chose Jacob?"

"Silly Bella. I only want you to be happy. If that means Jake, that's fine. We've all seen what he does to you and we've all seen how horrible Edward treated you. None of us are going to hate you if your decision is Jacob or any other boy for that matter. I keep getting the feeling that you're thinking that a decision has to be made right now. Don't let them do that to you. It's not fair to you. You shouldn't be forced into a decision that you're not comfortable with."

"But that's just it, Esme. The longer I wait, the more it's going to hurt."

"The pain will fade, dear. Eventually whoever you don't choose will move on. You can't let what might be affect your decision. You need to make it for you, and only you."

We sat there for a little while longer with the only noise coming from the river. Maybe Esme was right. Maybe I needed time to myself. But the thought of that only made me hurt more. I love both of them, not equally, but enough. I love both of them to know I can't hurt them. Maybe my decision was that I choose more time. More time to decide; more time to find me again.