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The Sunshine Train

Create your own banner at mybannermaker.com!John F. Kennedy said once that the courage of life is often a less dramatic spectacle than the courage of a final moment; but it is no less a magnificent mixture of triumph and tragedy. A man does what he must, in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures, and that is the basis of all morality.
I couldn't agree more.
Courage was the reason I was here. Courage and love. We know Edward and Bellas story during Twilight, but what if it was different? What if Alice was the new girl, and Bella was already a vampire? Would Jaspers self-control hold out when he meets a girl whos blood smells so intoxicating to him? Mostly AxJ, all canon pairings. Thank you so much to MoonSpinner for the amazing banner!!

Read on and enjoy. Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, and i never ever ever will :(

13. Confessions

Rating 5/5   Word Count 2429   Review this Chapter

"One fairer than my love? The all-seeing sun
Ne'er saw her match since first the world begun."


Jasper. Jasper standing in front of me, his face towards the sun. Jaspers skin in the light, his pale white skin…sparkling. There was no other word for it; his skins shone like it had been inlayed with thousands of tiny, beautiful diamonds.

He lay back on the rock, his arms open by his sides, perfectly still, not even breathing; his eyes were closed, and if I hadn’t known better I’d think he was asleep.

I reached out my hand a few times, meaning to touch him. But I pulled my arm back at the last minute, not sure if I should. I sat down cross-legged next to him, not taking my eyes off his unmoving form. I toyed with the flower in my hair, I traced patterns on the rock, I jiggled my legs, but I didn’t take my eyes off him.

“You don’t stop moving do you?” He said, his voice was quiet, but it echoed around the silent clearing.

“Not really” I said quietly, trying not to shatter the cloud of serenity that seemed the have settled over us, trying not to spoil the moment, but it was too late. He sat up in one fluid movement, mimicking my position, sitting in front of me.

He stared at me, “I don’t…scare you?”

I smiled at him, “You tell me Mr Empath

He closed his eyes again, a slight smile gracing his features, taking a deep breath. The sparkles on his skin faded, and I looked up to see the sun disappearing behind the clouds. I frowned at the sky, and Jasper chuckled, “You know, the sun doesn’t come out half as much as it should”

“What do you mean?”

“It makes you happy; so it should come out more. I like to see you happy.”

I smiled, “I’m glad”

His brow furrowed, and I realised I’d completely confused him, “Glad about what?”

“Everything” I sighed, leaning backwards onto the rock, warmed by the sun. I dropped my arm over the edge, trailing it lazily through the water. He lay down next to me – close, but not touching. I didn’t mind.

I don’t know how long we lay there, eyes closed, our breathing synchronised, the soft breeze making my hair flutter around my face. I just know that when I opened my eyes, Jasper wasn’t next to me, and I frowned. I knew he had been a minute ago, but now he was gone.

I sat up, my head spinning slightly, and caught sight of him, sitting on the branch of a tree, leaning against the trunk, “Sorry” he whispered, his voice barely audible, “I…I thought I could stand it. Being near you. But you’re so…intoxicating.”

I nodded, pulling my legs up to my chest and hugging them, putting my cheek on my knees. I didn’t realise I was crying until I felt a tear tickle my cheek.

Jasper was in front of me in an instant, his finger on my cheek, brushing my skin slightly, coming away from my face wet.

“Alice, I’m sorry”

I rubbed at my face, sitting up, “It’s not you Jasper! I’m sorry! I…I’m causing you pain! It’s my fault, and I’m sorry, I really am!”

I was reaching near hysterical, my voice choking with each word, sobs threatening to escape with every breath. I knew I must look awful, but for once I didn’t care – I needed to tell him.

But he was smiling at me. His face was slightly strained, his eyes a miniscule shade darker – but he was definitely smiling, “Alice Brandon. You are amazing”

He left it at that, sitting in front of me once more.

“Tell me about yourself. You know…more or less everything about me. And you’ve lived for…well…longer than me” I smiled as I said it, “You’re life has definitely been more interesting”

He looked at me, his expression indecipherable, “I’ll tell you about me if you tell me about you”

I swallowed hard, hoping so hard he wasn’t about to ask what I thought he was, “Alice, I wasn’t going to ask you, but I…I need to know”

"I miss her Jasper. I miss her more than I thought I could ever miss anyone.” I closed my eyes, unable to look at him as I spoke, feeling my eyes burning with tears again.

“She wasn’t perfect, but who is? She forgot to pick me up from school, and she was always late. She was clumsy, and being with her while she cooked was like being in a war zone. She loved cooking, she taught me as soon as I was tall enough to reach the oven.” I broke off with a slight laugh.

“I’ve changed my mind, she was perfect. She was perfect for me – she was all I needed when I was growing up. She was my best friend.”

“What was her name?”

“Cynthia. Cynthia Brandon. I kept her surname, even when they got married, I don’t know why. I suppose I knew I’d need a way to remember her one day.”

“You don’t need a name to remember her Alice.”

“I know.”

“How did…it happen?”

“Hit and run” my voice was barely a whisper, the tears were streaming down my face now, and I made no move to stop them, “She was in a coma for 8 days, and my father never stopped hoping. He wouldn’t leave her bedside, not once. He held her hand all through the tests, the days and the nights, the endless routine of hospital life.

And then one day…I came home from school. And my father was home. As soon as I saw his car, I knew. As soon as I saw him, sitting in the kitchen, with an open bottle of vodka, I knew. No one had to say anything.”

I opened my eyes, glaring at him suddenly, determined to make him understand, “I wasn’t even with her Jasper, I never got to say goodbye to her! The last memory I have of her, and she’s hooked up to machines, with a heart monitor counting down her last moments!”

I don’t remember how it happened, one moment we were sitting face to face, the next his forehead was pressed against mine, his hands were either side of my face, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles on my cheeks.

“It’s Ok Alice” he whispered, his breath blowing across my eyes. An overwhelming sense of calm washed over me, and I let out a deep breath that I didn’t know I was holding in. “She knew you loved her. That you still do.”

I nodded, feeling slightly dizzy; his close proximity making my head spin, relishing in the feeling of his cool skin pressed against mine.

He didn’t speak for a long time, and we just sat there, heads together, my tears drying on my cheeks, until he pulled back, leaning away from me.

“I had my first vision after she died.” I said, determined to finish my story now I’d started, “I…I saw myself driving to the airport, leaving Phoenix. I only remembered a few days ago.”

He didn’t say anything, but I continued anyway.

“I think…I think I’m broken, Jasper. And I think you’re the only one who can fix me”

“I’m all wrong for you Alice. I’m defiantly not what you need.”

I shook my head vehemently, “You’re everything I need!”

He jumped up so suddenly, that I fell backwards slightly, putting my arms back to stop from falling. I got the feeling that bleeding in front of him would be a very bad idea.

He stood above me, staring down, his eyes darkening slightly, “Alice…I’m the worlds most dangerous predator. I could kill you with a mere twitch of my finger. It’s like you’re learning to swim, and I’m the sea during a very violent storm. One wrong move, and I will kill you.”

He leapt away, scaling a tree with precision and elegance, stopping and leaning on a branch, “Nothing could stop me if I made the wrong decision Alice. You shouldn’t be near me.”

“I don’t want to leave you. Ever”

He laughed humourlessly, “That’s the thing! I know all these things, I know how much danger I’m putting you in, by just being near you, but I can’t stop! I can’t stay away from you, however much I try! I’m selfish; I’m killing you, because I’d rather be near you, than be apart from you!”

I was on my feet, walking towards him before I even realised, stopping at the base of the tree and staring up at him, “Do you know what, Jasper? I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

He slid down the tree, stopping on the branch above me, leaning down with his arms, and lifting me up next to him, “I’ve never felt tired since I’ve become a vampire. Never felt weariness, never wanted to rest. But staying away from you, Alice. It exhausted me. You’re my only weakness, my kryptonite; you render me completely powerless.”

He moved backwards, lying on the thick branch, the sun filtering through the leaves, landing on his chest, “You are the most important thing to me, Alice Brandon.
I’ve spent over a century feeling the emotions of others; living through them. Feeling the pain, the hope, the anguish.
But when I met you…I was paralysed, I was feeling emotions I had never experienced for myself before. I’d never felt love before I met you, Alice.”

"You love me?”

“With everything that I am. Forever.”

He didn’t ask if I loved him back; he didn’t need to. I looked up at the trees, watching the air stirring up the leaves, the sun hitting my face, bathing me in warmth, “Why did you hate me so much when I first met you?”

“I didn’t hate you darlin’! I…I didn’t know what to feel. You…you were sitting there, looking so beautiful, so innocent. Your scent was the sweetest thing I’d ever smelled, and with every breath, I could feel myself getting closer to when I would lose control. It was like you were my own personal hell, a temptation that only the Devil could have conjured. I came so close, in that one lesson, to destroying everything. Everything our family has worked so hard for.

I don’t know how I made it through – even now it astounds me. I didn’t think I was that strong – I still don’t. I don’t know just how long I can last. Every minute that passes with you still breathing, is like a promise – a tiny fragment of hope, that I can be strong enough.”

“Why don’t you trust yourself?"

“I don’t need to trust myself; I trust you. And you trust me. For me, that’s enough”

I nodded mutely, my eyes fixating on a leaf that drifted from the trees above us, drifting on the breeze, down towards me. I watched it float past, catching every wayward breeze, being blown in every direction, with even the most minute whisper of wind. Right then, I knew exactly how that leaf felt.

“I didn’t want to leave. Far from it, I wanted to stay – I wanted you to leave. I was angry – how dare you, a tiny, insignificant human, arrive here without a clue, and seek to destroy everything we have built around us?
But…Carlisle has a way. He knows me. He convinced me to leave for a few days, to go where I wanted, to do what I wanted until I had cleared my mind, so to speak.”

“Where did you go?”

“Denali, for a while. We have friends there. But I couldn’t stay; it didn’t feel right. I missed Forks, I missed my family. I missed you. So I came back, risking everything.”

“Was it worth it?” I smiled.

He sat up, leaning on his elbows, staring me straight in the eye, the first glimpses of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, “You have no idea.”

The sun was sinking lower and lower on the horizon, and I hated it. I didn’t want to leave; I didn’t want this day to end, ever.

“We should get back to the car. You have plans tonight, remember?”

“Oh. Yeah.” So I did. I had plans with Rosalie and Bella. A ‘girly sleepover’ for all intents and purposes, I nearly smiled.

"I’m driving home, by the way.” He said, as he buttoned his shirt, his legs dangling off the branch. I nodded absently, peering at the ground. The branch couldn’t have been more than a few feet from the leaves below, but it looked very far from up here.

I looked at Jasper, he was grinning at me, “Need some help there?”

Before I could speak, he had scooped me into his arms, and dropped to the ground, landing with a soft thud. He swung me onto his back in the same breath, “Now you get to see how I travel.”

And then he was running, the trees flashing past us at a deadly speed. All I could see was a blur of dark green, and flashes of blue sky. My arms latched instinctively around his neck, my legs around his waist, as he sped down the mud track. His feet barely touched the ground, and he left to tracks – no evidence to prove he’d been there, nothing. His breathing was even - nothing to indicate effort, nothing to prove he was even moving.

My hair was brushing my face wildly, and I was glad it was short – long hair would have proved to be very irritating.

And then we stopped, as suddenly as we had started. My arms and legs wobbled, and I let go, sliding from his back, falling against the car door.
“Wow.” It was a bit of an understatement, but it was all I could come up with at that moment. My brain seemed to have turned to mush.

“I know.” He said, grinning at me from the other side of the car, and as I looked at him, all my energy returned ten-fold, “That was AMAZING! That was better than a roller coaster, and driving at top speed put together! Can we do it again?!”

I was bouncing up and down, gripping the side of the car, unable to keep the smile off my face. He was sitting in the front seat, revving the engine, “Alice, we have to go home. I’ll take you running another day soon, I promise” He spoke with the patience of a primary school teacher, explaining to an adamant child that two plus two equals four, and not five.

“I’ll hold you to it.” I said, jumping in the car next to him, and cranking up the volume on the radio. He laughed, and pulled out into the road, as the sun set and the perfect day melted into a perfect twilight.