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The Sunshine Train

Summary:
Create your own banner at mybannermaker.com!John F. Kennedy said once that the courage of life is often a less dramatic spectacle than the courage of a final moment; but it is no less a magnificent mixture of triumph and tragedy. A man does what he must, in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures, and that is the basis of all morality.
I couldn't agree more.
Courage was the reason I was here. Courage and love. We know Edward and Bellas story during Twilight, but what if it was different? What if Alice was the new girl, and Bella was already a vampire? Would Jaspers self-control hold out when he meets a girl whos blood smells so intoxicating to him? Mostly AxJ, all canon pairings. Thank you so much to MoonSpinner for the amazing banner!!


Notes:
Read on and enjoy. Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, and i never ever ever will :(


20. Impatience

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 2964   Review this Chapter

"I have more care to stay, than will to go. Come death and welcome, Juliet wills it so"

APOV

Every time I awoke, the scenery was different. Sometimes I was curled on the car seat, my face pressed uncomfortably against the scratchy fabric, others I was leaning against the window, the glass cool on my face.

I caught faint snatches of whispered conversation between Edward and Bella, the tender love between them making my heart ache so much, making me miss Jasper even more than I thought was possible.

When I woke up properly, I was confused. My cheeks ached, and my eyes were sore. I could feel the dried salt on my cheeks from tears.

The room I was in was too bland, too boring to be anywhere other than a hotel. The generic colours, all beige and browns were a dead give away. Plus nothing matched.

I tried desperately not to remember the moments that has led up to this one, but my blasted memory had always been bordering on photographic, and everything was there, imprinted on my eyelids, in blinding clarity.

Jaspers eyes, the growl on his face as he bared his teeth in anger – the keen eyes of the tracker, the wild ones of Victoria – Isaac, looking broken and abandoned in the doorway of his home – Laurent's eyes on my face, as he wondered if I was worth it. I could remember every waking moment of the endless car journey, every moment that led up to this one.

Every second of time, which led up to me sitting in a cold double bed, with an uncomfortable bedspread, watching the rays of sun rise through the closed blinds, listening to each ridiculously loud tick of the clock next to the bed.

I turned t look at the time.

4.32

I pulled a face, but now that I was awake I needed to move. I leapt from the bed, shifting uncomfortably, realising I was still dressed in Rosalies too-big clothes.

I crossed the room, to the door, peering out. I could see the backs of Edward and Bellas heads, next to each other on the sofa, their voices a quiet blur.

I could see both of my bags on top of the table behind them, and pondered for a few minutes, wondering if I could grab my bag, and be back in the room before they noticed. I didn't want to talk to them right now – I didn't think I could look in their eyes and see their accusations.

Of course they'd be right to accuse me, it was my fault. I had ripped their family apart, by being so naïve, and blundering into their private life, with no thoughts about how it might effect them.

I looked up, and saw them both staring at me.

“Hi Edward! Bella” I chirped, as happily as I could, “How's it hangin'? What's with the awful choice of hotel?”

“Alice” Bella said, her voice calm and soothing, but it didn't quite have the effect that Jaspers did when he spoke like that, “It's Ok”

I flinched at the tone in her voice - I could hear the truth behind it. She really did forgive me! Hell, I wouldn't have even forgiven me!”

I glanced at Edward. He was looking at me intently, and expression of frustration on his face, and I frowned.

Bella smiled slightly, “I've shielded her Edward” she murmured, “Jasper asked me too. He didn't like you reading her thoughts when he wasn't here.”

I perked up slightly, “He rang?” I tried desperately to hide the eagerness in my voice, but I could still hear it.

They didn't answer, and I felt my mood drop, as suddenly as it had risen.

“Of course” I muttered, walking quickly to my bag, my eyes darting around the room, refusing to settle on anything, “That doesn't mean it's bad news. Just there is no news. Right.”

I sat hesitantly on the chair beside them, my legs jiggling impatiently.

“Are you hungry Alice?” That was Edward. I'd forgotten he even knew how to speak.

“Not really. Unless there's coffee...”

Bella smiled, “Of course”

Edward snorted slightly, and I frowned, not seeing the humour in the situation. He glanced at me, “Oh, Emmett bet Jasper that you weren't a caffeine addict. He owes Jasper $100”

“Oh” I said, and snorted with laughter as well. It felt good to laugh, like I was getting a huge weight off my chest. It felt even better when Bella handed me a large cup of coffee.

I drank it slowly, looking around me as I did so. The television was on, and Edward and Bella were both staring at it, but their faces were unseeing, their eyes unfocused.

They were sitting too still, motionless. They never blinked, never twitched, they could have been carved from stone.

I, however, couldn't stop moving.

I drummed my fingers on my knees, I shifted position on the chair a million different times, I stood up and paced the floor, desperate to rid my legs of the tingling feeling they got when I sat still too long.

The silent hotel room grew louder as the hours wore on, the silence unsettling me. The ticking of the clock echoed in my ears, the buzzing of the television, turned down to a faint hum in the background, was suddenly filling the room. I gritted my teeth, trying not to make a sound.

But even as I sat as still as I could, I was never quite quiet.

I could still hear my ragged breathing, my stuttering heartbeat.

“For God's Sake” I muttered, lurching out of the seat, throwing myself back into pacing.

Edward and Bella watched me, shocked at my sudden outburst. Their eyes followed me as I wore a hole in the carpet.

“Alice, are you Ok? We're sorry”

You're sorry? You're sorry?! What do you have to be sorry about?! This is all my fault, you should have just let me come here alone! You should never have involved yourselves with me, I'm....I'm bad luck!”

“Bad luck?” Bella whispered, “What makes you bad luck Alice?”

I stopped and turned to her, willing her to understand, “Bella, of course I'm bad luck! How often does a teenage girl come along, one who has visions of the future, which by the way are starting to kill her! A girl whose mother dies, and father becomes an alcoholic all on the same day! A girl who effectively killed her own mother, because she was too lazy to walk home one day, and insisted her mother came to pick her up, resulting in the same hit and run which killed her! Not to mention the small problem of the fact that she gets right in the way of a vampire who wants to kill her, and puts the whole family of the boy she loves in danger!”

I stopped, sitting down on the floor, wrapping my arms around my knees, trying to stop myself from crying again. I felt a cold hand descend on my shoulder, trying to comfort me, but it wasn't the hand I wanted.

I hated myself immediately at that moment.

I hated myself for resenting the fact that Bellas hand wasn't Jaspers. I hated myself for agreeing to go and play baseball with the Cullens. I hated myself for even moving to Forks, for throwing myself violently into Jaspers life, and upending it.

But I loved Jasper. Loved him more than anything.

Could I really bring myself to regret everything that had bought us together? I didn't think I could.

That made me hate myself even more.

Was I really thinking that I was thankful? Thankful that my mother died, and my father became so incapable of looking after himself, let alone a teenage girl, that I had to move to Forks, and consequentially meeting Jasper.

I'd never believed in fate, I knew the future wasn't written out in front of us. I'd seen foolproof evidence of this.

But somehow, I did think that Jasper and I were meant to meet each other, that whatever had happened, we would have found a way to each other. Somehow.

“I need to sleep” I muttered, pressing my fingers against my head. I may have just had some sort of epiphany, but it had made me very tired.

Bella pulled me up, her arms still around my shoulders.

“Alice, you're wrong.”

I'd almost forgotten that I had spoken half my thoughts out loud, and braced myself for what was most likely to be a sea of pity, coming my way.

“Alice, I'm not going to lie. It probably would have made a lot of things easier, if you didn't meet Jasper.” my head snapped up, and I looked at Edward, a real smile appearing on my face, “But, I've seen what you're done to him Alice. You never knew him before he knew you, and you probably wouldn't want to. Before he met you, he hardly ever played his guitar, he rarely smiled, he barely even spoke. He lived in his own self hatred, having to feel the happiness of everyone around him every day, knowing that it wasn't his. He hated himself, for hating us, for being happy.

But now...he's happy. He's more than happy; he's in love. He smiles, and laughs. He plays his guitar, and sings all the time! He wants to be stronger, because of you! You fixed him Alice, and we wouldn't have it any other way!”

It was the longest speech Edward had ever given me.

“Thank you...?” I said, unsure of how to answer it, “I...I'm glad that I...made an impression”

Edward chuckled, and Bella laughed in my ear. The room suddenly felt a lot happier, but I knew It was just a cover up. I knew they were as worried as I was, but I appreciated the effort, and I enjoyed it while It was there.

I was half way across the room, Bellas arm around me, and had taken one step past the sofa, when I gasped. Something had just hit me in the stomach. Something hard, and painful, and completely imaginary, and my eyes has just squeezed shut in pain when I felt the air around me grow colder.

I opened my eyes, taking in the surroundings around me as quickly as I could. James was standing opposite me, his back facing me, flicking through a large book

I turned around, recognising my surroundings strait away.

“Oh no” I whispered, my voice barely making a sound in the dusty air. We were in the church where I held my mothers funeral.

The pews flickered around me, as I took a step down the aisle, the images shifting. Decisions were yet to be made, but for some reason, James would be coming here.

I raised my head, turning round in a circle, examining the stained-glass windows, turning the light a delicate orange at it streamed through, illuminating the dust dancing in the sunbeams.

I was curled on the polyester carpet of the hotel room, two cold hands pressed against my cheeks. The pain shot through my stomach again, and I curled my legs up further, pressing them into my chin, whimpering, through gritted teeth.

I choked suddenly, coughing up the liquid that had collected in the back of my throat.

I opened my eyes. The carpet in front of me was splattered with red drops, and the rusty, salty smell drifted up my nostrils.

I was coughing up blood.

In the same room as two vampires.

I became vaguely aware of the hands on my face disappearing, and rolled over, ignoring the pain that stabbed through my abdomen, wiping at a drop of blood I felt trickle down my chin.

Edward was standing as far back from me as he could reach, his eyes closed, fingers clenched into the wall.

Bella was closer, one hand extended towards me, the other towards Edward. She gestured slightly, pointing me towards the bathroom. I nodded, and ran to it, locking the door, and sliding to the floor. I knew a locked door wouldn't hold back a vampire, but right now Edward was the last thing on my mind.

Although choking up blood in front of him was a very stupid idea.

Great choice Alice my inner-monologue muttered.

“Shut up” I hissed, before realising that I was talking to myself. Great now I was even more crazy that I'd previously thought.

I crawled to the toilet, and coughed another mouthful of blood into it, resting my head on the seat, not caring at that moment, just how unsanitary this was. Three more mouthfuls of blood, and two gulps of water from the sink, to wash my mouth out with, and I leaned back against the door, closing my eyes, and trying to ignore the blinding headache beginning to set in.

Jasper and I had never discussed the tentative issue of me ever becoming a vampire, though I suspected it was something he knew I wanted to happen eventually. Right now, however, immortality seemed like the perfect sort of bliss. No more headaches, no more scorchingly painful visions, nothing that could harm me.

Would Jasper want me to become like him? I knew he hated the monster he thought he was, but I suspected that had something to do with more than the fact that he was a vampire. I didn't mind that I didn't know – when he wanted to tell me about his past, he could.

I listened as hard as I could, pressing my ear against the cold wood of the door, trying to hear something from the opposite side. I knew Edward and Bella had remarkably strong self-control, especially if they could be in the same room as fresh blood, but I didn't know how long they would last.

I heard a door slam, and wondered who had left.

I jolted slightly, as a soft tap on the door startled me, and I sat up straight,“Alice, it's me.”

I scooted away from the door, and leaned against the sink, watching Bella open the door tentatively, as though worried she might scare me. I smiled weakly at her, leaning my head back against the cool porcelain. I wasn't scared of Bella, she wasn't scary in the last.

“Alice, Edward has gone to get some bleach. And some...fresh air.”

I chuckled weakly, “Of course he has. Bella, I'm sorry, it's all my fault, I should never have put you guys in any sort of situation were you were uncomfortable and...”

Murderous? I thought to myself,Was that the word for it?

But my thoughts were cut short as the phone rang from the sofa. A sudden burst of happiness rang through me, but I quickly stifled it, straining my ears towards the other room, as Bella answered the phone.

“Carlisle?...” she paused, listening, and flinches slightly, before her face became an expressionless mask. I pretended not to notice.

“Alice just had another vision...yes...no....Ok” she held the phone out to me, and I slid across the bathroom floor, catching it as she threw it at me.

“Hello?”

“Alice”

“Jasper! Man it feels good to hear your voice!” I heard him smile on the other end, but knew that there had to be a reason for him to be calling, rather than to just catch up.

“Jasper, I had a vision of James in a church. Not just any old church though, my mothers church, do you think this means anything?”

“Alice, James got away from us, but we're tailing him as fast as we can. I think anything you have visions of might be significant, but right now I'm more worried about you. Are you Ok?”

“I'm fine, I just coughed up some blood.”

“You what?

“Blood, Jasper. Blood. You know, you drink it.”

“I'm familiar with the concept Alice, but you coughed some up in the same room as two vampires!”

I know! And I'm sorry!” I didn't want him to be angry at me too, especially when he wasn't here, with me.

“I'm not angry Alice, I'm worried! Coughing up blood is never good, I'm just worried about what might be next.”

“I'll be fine Jasper, I always am. But what about you, where are you?”

“We're outside of Vancouver Alice, we think he's heading back to Forks, to start over. Esme is with Isaac, and Rosalie is covering the female. She hasn't left town, but she won't do anything without James.”

“Are you all safe, are you sure there's nothing that could harm any of you?”

“We'll be fine Alice, and we won't let the tracker get anywhere near you, or anyone you know. I promise.”

“You don't need to, I trust you.”

“I miss you Alice” his voice was a quiet whisper in my ear, but I knew Bella could still hear him, from the way she turned away, giving me as much privacy as she could.

“I love you Jasper”

“I love you Alice”

The line went dead, purring in my ear. As soon as I hung up, a thick cloud of depression settled over me, and I dropped the phone on the floor.

“I'm going to bed.” I muttered to Bella, who nodded, seemingly deciding it was best if she just left me alone. I couldn't agree more.

I curled on the cold bedspread, squinting at the sunlight that shone through the slats in the blind, ineffectively warming the bed. I tossed and turned, sleeping and waking, and sleeping again, simply because there was nothing else to do.

I awoke as the sun set, throwing the room into a faint pink glow, the blankets tangled around my legs, my feet resting on the pillow. I could smell bleach from where I was sitting, and guessed that Bella had cleaned the floor, scrubbing away my bloodstains.

I rolled over onto my front, and drifted straight back into a dreamless sleep.