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The Sunshine Train

Summary:
Create your own banner at mybannermaker.com!John F. Kennedy said once that the courage of life is often a less dramatic spectacle than the courage of a final moment; but it is no less a magnificent mixture of triumph and tragedy. A man does what he must, in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures, and that is the basis of all morality.
I couldn't agree more.
Courage was the reason I was here. Courage and love. We know Edward and Bellas story during Twilight, but what if it was different? What if Alice was the new girl, and Bella was already a vampire? Would Jaspers self-control hold out when he meets a girl whos blood smells so intoxicating to him? Mostly AxJ, all canon pairings. Thank you so much to MoonSpinner for the amazing banner!!


Notes:
Read on and enjoy. Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, and i never ever ever will :(


7. Nightmares

Rating 5/5   Word Count 2205   Review this Chapter

"Is love a tender thing? It is too rough, too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn"

APOV

I slammed to door of Mike’s car, barely stopping to say goodbye and thank you. He’d insisted, despite my protests, on giving me a lift right to my door. I stepped inside, the warmth enveloping me, and it was almost painful. I felt claustrophobic and trapped, like I was stuck in a nightmare that would never end. The sort of feeling you get when you’re trapped in a maze, and you have no idea, which way is left or right, let alone how to get out. And darkness is closing in, and you’re trapped and confused.

I made my way up to my room, not sure of my surroundings, shocked when I found myself facing my bed. I didn’t know what to do. My head was filled with the thoughts I had desperately tried to not piece together, like a ridiculously easy jigsaw. I crawled under my bed covers, plugging my headphones into my ears, and turning the volume up as loud as it would go. So loud that my ears hurt, and I couldn’t think without it making me dizzy.

Dreaming comes so easily
Cause it's all that I've known
True love is a fairytale
I'm damaged, so how would I know?

I'm scared and I'm alone
I'm shamed and I need for you to know

I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away

Cause I feel you, I feel you near me



I couldn’t agree with the lyrics more.

I missed Jasper more than I ever had done; in the short time I’d known him. I wanted his to hold me into his cold arms, and whisper that everything was okay, that there was nothing wrong with either of us, that we were just the by-products of High School rumours gone haywire. I wanted more than anything to rewind through the weekend, to be back in my car, with him next to me, laughing at my choice of beach. I wondered if the music would erase my memories of the past few days.

Yeah, like I should be so lucky.

I’m guessing I fell asleep. I’m hoping I fell asleep. Before I even opened my eyes, I knew where I was. I could feel the sunlight burning my eyelids, the cool crunch of twigs and leaves under my feet. Then I knew I was dreaming; I would never walk barefoot in a forest. But I didn’t open my eyes, I just walked, never bumping into trees, never failing, never falling.

I could feel something next to me, could feel its fur brushing against my legs, could hear its rough growling breath, and smell its earthy fragrance. I was reminded of some sort of wolf, but its presence wasn’t threatening, in fact it was comforting.

I opened my eyes, barely noticing the nightgown I was wearing, an old fashioned one I’d never seen before, and looked ahead of me. I was on the edge of a cliff, the forest behind me, the waves crashing below. My toes curled into the soft ferns at my feet, and I rocked forwards slightly, as though preparing myself for a leap. There was soft growl next to me, and I turned to see not a wolf, but Jacob Black; standing at my side, staring over the waves as I was. His hand was clasped round mine; his skin was startlingly warm.

A snarl echoed behind me, bouncing off the trees. I don’t remember turning, just that one moment I was facing the waves, and the next I was staring at Jasper. He was crouched in the high branches of a tree, his teeth bared, his eyes a deep crimson. The light bounced off his teeth, reflecting rainbows around me, sending sparks flying in the salt spray of the air.

“Your mine” he snarled, his voice quiet, but it still reached me, “You belong to me”

“NO!” Jacob screamed, leaping towards him, away from me, leaving me unprotected and vulnerable.

Suddenly where Jacob was, there was huge russet-coloured wolf, taller than me, taller than Jasper, his shoulder muscles bunching as he prepared to spring.

Jasper crouched lower, bracing himself in a defensive position, a roar ripping through his teeth.
They jumped at the same time, and the sound of tearing metal echoed through the clearing, as they became a blur of bodies, brown and white, the air rippling with snarls and growls.

“STOP!” I sat up, wrenching myself out of the dream, sitting upright in my bed, my headphones tangled around my neck, my covers falling to the floor. The fading chords of a song echoed from the headphones, filling the otherwise silent room. I wasn’t even breathing, I was still, frozen.I didn’t stop to look at the time, just slid out of bed, heading straight for the shower. The water turned as hot as it would go, and it still wouldn’t heat the cold chill that had settled over me.

I stood under the jet of water for as long as I dared, my skin flushing with the heat, my hair plastered to my face. My eyes were closed, but it didn’t help the images that were imprinted onto the lids, the images that I feared would never fade.

I took my time, drying my hair, styling it, doing make-up, listening as I heard Isaacs car pull out of the drive. But it took me less than an hour to run out of things to do in the bathroom. I dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, and decided to keep myself busy. As busy as I possibly could, leaving myself no time for stray thoughts.

I remembered something my mother had always said, something about how God might have rested on a Sunday, but that didn’t mean we should. I’d never agreed with her until that minute.
I organised my walk-in closet; arranging clothes in sections in the wardrobes, I cleaned the carpet, scrubbing it until the original white showed through, I took all my shoes from their boxes, and lined them on the shelves. I put them first in colour order, then alphabetically by the designers’ last name, then by the height of the heel.
I collapsed to the floor, my arms aching, and glanced at the clock.

7.42

Dear God! Did time move slowly in Forks on purpose? I must have been at it for over an hour already!


7.43


7.44

I was going insane. The time was dragging by, the second hand trembling as it quivered through each tick, as if it could feel the intensity of my gaze, and tell that I really wasn’t happy with it.
I got up, and headed downstairs, rolling up my sleeves, intent on delaying the inevitable as much as I possibly could.

I fired up the vacuum, the roaring distracting me and I marched it up and down the carpet. I washed ever pieces of dirty cutlery I could find, and stacked it all neatly. I dusted and polished every surface I could see, until I could see my face every time I turned around.

I cast another glance at the clock and swore loudly.
10.53 I headed out to my car, car polish in hand, not caring that the car was so new it wasn’t the owner of even one scratch on its shiny surface, and leant inside the door, breathing in deeply.

It smelt like him. The drivers seat smelt like Jasper.

I couldn’t stand it any more, couldn’t hold back the thoughts, and I turned and ran inside, slamming every door behind me, switching on my computer and holding my breath.

I cursed it for starting up so soon, and opened an Internet page, praying the internet was down, but of course it wasn’t. Why would anyone want to deny me the pleasure of finding out that my potential…well that Jasper, was a…vampire
I tapped at the keys, typing the word into my favourite search engine, and pressing enter. The results were instantaneous; Results 1 - 10 of about 61,700,000 for ‘vampire’
Great.

Vampires were usually reported as bloated in appearance, and ruddy, purplish, or dark in colour; these characteristics were often attributed to the recent drinking of blood. Indeed, blood was often seen seeping from the mouth and nose when one was seen in its shroud or coffin and its left eye was often open. It would be clad in the linen shroud it was buried in, and its teeth, hair, and nails may have grown somewhat, though in general fangs were not a feature.

I snorted, Yes. Of course that’s what vampires look like, there’s not possibility that they could be devastatingly beautiful, with golden eyes and hypnotic voices. I sighed, and closed the page; the internet clearing couldn’t help me here.

Now I’d actually typed the word, I’d acknowledged the word that had been glaring me in the face for 17 hours, ever since it left Jacobs lips, I felt suddenly, a lot more…understanding.

Overall, there were very few myths that actually coincided with my thoughts and memories; along with the stories Jacob had told me. As I’d read, I’d been running through the mental catalogue I’d made, comparing as I went. Strength, cold skin, beauty, eyes changing colour, pale skin, beauty. Then Jacobs criteria; blood drinkers, immortal, enemies of werewolves and cold skinned. I had yet to find even one myth that matched the facts I had collected.

I got up, aggravated, and grabbed my coat, heading for the door, ignoring the overcast sky. I didn’t know my way around enough yet, so I got into my car, and backed out the drive, not caring where I was going.

I didn’t turn any music on, and decided to think through what I had unsuccessfully gathered from the computer. I had two options.

First; Jacob was right, and the Cullens were the clan that had made the treaty with his great-great Grandfather all that time ago; that they were…vampires. I felt superstitious and embarrassed to be entertaining such ridiculous notions, but the more I tried not to believe it, the more, smaller factors I hadn’t registered yet floated into my mind.

The way I had never seen any of the Cullens eat, the elegant grace with which they moved, how they all seemed to be straining themselves from something, especially when in a room with lots of people, the look on Jaspers face as I sat next to him.

His comment; “Darlin’ I could give you a blow-by-blow account of the Civil War if you asked me for one.” The look on his face when I’d mentioned blood typing, his expression when I told him I was going to La Push, his raised eyebrows as I asked him what else could go wrong between us, because of course he knew things that could go wrong!

My bizarre visions, growing stranger and stranger as the days went on, which used to consist only of meaningless factors of my day, now nearly always revolving around the Cullens. The way they always seemed to be doing something involving…killing something; the blood that was always revolving around them.

I knew just one thing though – whether or not they were vampires, either Jacobs ‘cold-ones’, of the ridiculous theories I had conjured from the Internet – the Cullens were definitely…different. They were just outside of humanity, not quite fitting in with the structure of life around them, as though they were used to something different.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, breaking me from my thoughts, and I stopped down a quiet road, and pulled it out, glancing at the caller id.

“Hey Jessica, what’s up?”

“Me and Angela are bored, we decided to go shopping tomorrow, you in? Plus it’s like, a week until the Spring Dance, we totally need to buy dresses!”

I bit my lip, hiding my smile, “Yeah, Jess. Sure, I’m always up for shopping. Where are we going?”

“Port Angeles”

School was depressingly boring on Monday, and every moment seemed to be a bringer of bad news. My mood, already scattered and confused in the morning, was threatened further, by the noticeable lack of Cullen cars outside school. I glanced out of my window, noticing for the first time that day, that the sun was glimpsing through the sparse clouds, showing the first rays of sunlight I had seen for a while.

But this, put together with the Cullens disappearance, only made me uneasier.
My table in English seemed emptier than it had done, even during my first week when he wasn’t there. I missed him, so much it made my heart ache. I felt empty without him there, even when he was angry his presence was comforting.

Lunch was filled with talk of the Port Angles trip, which was apparently still on, but my head was filled with my dreamless sleep. Never before had I forgotten a dream, never had my sleep been…black, and empty. It was unsettling, to say the least.

I turned to Angela, trusting her, more than Jessica to give me straight answer – no questions asked.

“Angela” I began, hardly believing the words were leaving my mouth.

“Do…do the Cullens ditch school a lot?”

She nodded, swallowing her mouthful of chicken salad, “Yeah, whenever it’s sunny their parents pull them out for camping and stuff. No teachers seem to mind.”

“Oh.”

My throat was dry.