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December Air

Summary:
Edward never came back.
Bella has tried her best to go on, by settling with someone.
She knows she can never love with what she was once capable of.
But when disaster strikes who is it that is capable of putting her back together again?


Chapter 5 is UP

DecemberAir

no need to fret guys
I have a beta; the search is over YAY
The AH-MAY-ZINGG Alyss in Wonderland
has temporarily released me from writers block by being my co-writer "]
Let just say this story just got a whole lot more unpredictable


Notes:
Ok so this one is rather old.
I didn't originally want to post it because
there were so many other ones about
what might have happened had Edward not returned.
This is my story
I hope you like it "]


1. Patience and Patients

Rating 5/5   Word Count 4118   Review this Chapter

This is my life now. It has been for the past eight years. No matter what happens I can’t regret my decision. I wouldn’t have my two beautiful children, had it not happened. I miss it. I’ll never move on completely. I will never be what my family deserves. I will never be able to give him what I was once capable of loving. My heart is with someone else. Someone very far away. Someone I’ll love with all of my heart until the day I die. Even if that love isn’t returned. “Mommy get up!” My eyes fluttered open to see my little Jane shaking me. Jane my daughter. She is only three years old. My oldest daughter is Carrie who is five. “I’m up. I’m up” I smiled sitting in bed and stretching my arms over my head. Jane pounced in my lap. She was very giddy this morning. “MOMMY” she squealed grabbing my waist “we want pancakes” I chuckled. “Ok honey. Go finished getting ready and mommy will be downstairs in a minute” She hopped out of my lap and ran out the door. I picked our their clothes last night, and Carrie helps her put them on. My kids are quite smart. I got up out of bed and walked over to close my door. I have to go into work as soon as I drop off the girls at ‘school’. It was really a daycare, but a little bus took Carrie to her school from there. I felt kind of bad that I couldn’t take Carrie to school. I was already at work whenever she had to be there. I jumped into the shower fast. The steam, and water pressure relaxed me. I needed it. Last night’s dream was going to be hard to shake. I’ve never had this one before. It was normal for me to have nightmares, but never this one. It was like I was there. I relived the day in the forest. The day the love of my life, the reason of my existence told me he didn’t love me. I closed my eyes and let the hot water beat onto my face. I hopped out of the shower throwing on a little bit of make-up, and proper work attire. I ran down the stairs, to see them both sitting at the counter waiting for me. I smiled. I love my girls. “Good morning” I walked up behind them and planted a kiss on both of their foreheads. “Morning mommy” they sang in unison. I walked around the counter and grabbed my pan above the stove. I twisted around and grabbed the bisquick, milk, bowl, and spoon. “Have you seen your daddy?” I asked stirring the pancake mix. “Sure we have. He left this morning really early” Carrie said. She was leaning up trying to see into the bowl. I laughed and leaned it towards her. She stuck her finger in and licked the mix off. It was rare for him to leave the house before me. But I understood his job. I leaned over and grabbed a spatula out of the nearest drawer. “Make me a mickey” Jane squealed. Making pancakes was one of my specialties . I can make shapes, and whatnot. I made them both two pancakes each. One thing was for sure. They developed their father’s appetite. They finished and went off to get their things. I walked to the living room to grab my cell phone off of it’s charger. We walked out to my car together. I buckled Jane into her carseat and Carrie in her next to Jane’s. Our ride to school was never quiet. Carrie asking a million questions and Jane singing along with whatever was on the radio. It was so cute. I pulled up into the parking lot, and went around pulling them out of their carseats. I walked in with them, and back to their class, which I did everyday no matter what. “Bye girls. Mommy will be back” I called as I shut the door. I had a hard time leaving here and going to work everyday. I just felt like one day I would come to pick them up, and they would be gone. I walked back out to my car, and hopped in. I sat there for a minute listening to the radio. The current song on the radio, just happen to by a tear-jerking song about lost love. It was enough to make me cry, even though just a little bit. I pressed my forehead against the steering wheel. These music artists don’t know the first thing about lost love. I cant bring myself to be angry at him. I was the happiest in my life during the time we shared. During the time that I was truly convinced he loved me as much I loved him. I looked up to the window as I heard someone knocking on it. It was the owner of the daycare Daryl Matthews. I slowly rolled down my window. “I‘m sorry. I was just leaving” I said. He frowned and shook his head. “Isabella. This is the third time this week. Are you having problems at home?” I shook my head. “No. I‘m sorry it wont happen again” he nodded as I cranked my car. I hated how all the workers here called me Isabella. It’s annoying. I hate being called that, period. Whenever anyone I knew said it, it was followed by something bad, horrible, something in the range that would make me an emotional wreck. I guess that last part is already covered however. I pulled out of the parking lot and made my way to the hospital. I’m a doctor. Forks had been in dire need of doctors recently. I didn’t have anything better to do than to study so I made it all the way to the top. Edward would have been very proud of me. Being at this hospital reminded me of them so much. Not to mention the fact that Carlisle’s face was still hanging on the wall. Along with other ‘remarkable doctors’. I had to see it everyday. Normally I tried to avoid that hall, but with my luck I get sent down it for something every day. I walked in through the sliding doors and to the staff room. “Oh goodness Bella are you all right?” Angela was still in the staff room when I went to put my purse away. Angela was now married to Ben, but who didn’t see that coming? She is a doctor with me. We went to the University of Washington together. We also dormed together so we really didn’t have a problem with crazy roommates. Except during the middle of our freshman year when this girl Sophie showed up. She didn’t last long. She partied way too much. It had always been Angela’s dream to become a doctor. I never knew. She enjoyed working at the hospital. I did too, but it was a painful reminder. “Yeah I’m fine” I whispered. That didn’t stop her from wrapping me in a hug. “Bella everything will be alright” she released me and met my gaze. “Is there something wrong with the girls?” her voice became panicked. Angela was always so concerned about my daughters. Who could blame her? They are amazing children. I eyed her skeptically. “Do you honestly think if there were anything wrong with either of them I would be here?” she laughed and shook her head. “No. I know you wouldn’t” She spun around and walked out the door. I followed. “What do you have today?” I asked keeping her pace. “Maternity” she said wrinkling her nose. It grossed her out in the delivery room to have to watch that. It was something few of us disliked. “I have to meet with appointments today” I called over my shoulder stepping into the elevator. She spun around and stuck out her tongue at me. I laughed. I liked meeting with appointments. It was a relaxing day. It stressed me out doing anything with blood, but I did what I had to do. I walked into my office and sat a my computer to check my appointments for today. I have a new patient. Someone who apparently requested me. That’s interesting. I scrolled down. Michael Newton. I groaned. Great. The ever so fabulous Mike, and his appointment was in eight minutes. Not something I relish. I flipped off my monitor and rolled my chair around the room. Not very appropriate, but fun. I heard a knock on the door. “Yes?” I called as I rolled my chair back where it should be. The door opened slightly and the receptionist Teresa stuck her head in. “Are you ready for your first appointment?” she asked. Without being in my right mind I nodded. She shut the door before I could come up with something off of the top of my head. I could have stalled it at least ten minutes had I been thinking. I groaned and slumped in my chair. “Bella?” I lifted my head and noticed Mike had already entered the office. “Hi Mike” I said trying to sound professional. He eyed me skeptically. “Is everything ok?” he did seem to honestly care, but I heard a faint eagerness in his voice. “Mike this appointment is about you, not me. Now I will step out and you need to change into this” I said holding out a paper gown. “Dr. Smith will be in, in a few minutes to give you your once over” He nodded and I dodged out of the office. I was extremely relieved that I didn’t have to do it considering he was male and all. I huffed in relief, and walked to the desk. “Hey T, are there anymore new patients today?” I asked peering through the window at the receptionist. She shook her head. “Just him. He seemed rather eager though to be attending an appointment, do you know him?” I sighed, and nodded. Some guys never give up. Eager Mike. Always hoping for the day I would change my mind and come crawling to him. “Well we were friends in high school” I paused “he‘s always had a……thing for me” I inserted the word obsession mentally. She laughed. “I could tell something was eating at that guy” I nodded. “You don’t know the half of it” I started to turn “I’ll see you later” I called over my shoulder. I had twenty minutes before I was allowed to go back in there to see Mike. I wasn’t at all eager, but I had nothing to do. Having nothing to do always led to free thinking, and free thinking never mixed well with me. My mind always wondered back to the past. ‘What if’s always filling my mind. What if I had never met him? What if I had been enough? What if he never left? I stopped myself. I have a new life and family now. The past will never change no matter how much I dwell on it. “Bella your patient is waiting on you” I spun around to face one of my co-workers, Stacy, or Dr. Dale. She was too friendly, and it was rather annoying. Mostly because her chirpiness reminded me of someone else. “Ok Stacy I’ll be right there” Had it already been twenty minutes? I glanced down at the watch on my arm. It read eight thirty. I couldn’t believe I had been roaming the halls close to thirty minutes. I nodded once at her and took off towards my office. Teresa looked at me skeptically as I ran past her desk. I knocked on the door before I went in. Mike was dressed sitting patiently on the station in the room. I lifted his clipboard. “So Mike everything looks ok” I said my eyes glued the clipboard as I sat in my desk chair “It does however say you are experiencing problems with your breathing. What is that?” I forced myself to look up at him. As much as I really didn’t like having to deal with him, he is my patient and I have to treat him. “I had a slight case of asthma when I was younger. I think it has progressed over time. It normally doesn’t bother me too often, but when it does it’s bad” I nodded. “Ok I will prescribe you an inhaler, just in case. If it get worse come back and I will try something different. Sound ok?” He nodded. “Thanks Bells” I smiled. I did miss having some of my old high school friend around. It was easy to be around Mike when he wasn’t trying to hit on me. He stood and walked to the door. He stopped when his hand reached the knob. “Bella I know we were never really that close in high school. I know you don’t see me as anything more than a friend. I don’t want to come off too strong, but I was hoping we could get together sometime. As old friends” I paused. I didn’t want to say anything too quickly. Mike did understand that I didn’t want to be anything but a friend, if even that, to him. I was married, and part of me wondered, had he not seen the ring what would have happened. I looked up slowly to see him still standing in the doorway, giving me a hopeful stare. I forced myself to smile. “Sure Mike. That would be great” he beamed at me and turned to leave. I focused back on my computer, but I never heard the door open. I spun around and he was still standing there. “Mike? I do have other appointments today” I said trying to get his attention. He focused his eyes from the carpet to me. He looked nervous. “What has you so nervous Mike?” I asked mostly just to get him to leave. “I was just….wondering…if Cullen was….well the one you married” I sucked in a sharp breath. “No, Mike. Edward never came back after he moved. He moved on, and so did I. I still love him, but I‘m married to someone else” He nodded, and I could tell this was not the end of his questioning. “Who did you marry? Why didn’t you take his last name?” I sighed. I had not told a soul the real reason why I hadn’t taken his last name. I think at the time I was secretly hoping that Edward would one day return, and he would recognize my name. I had imagined him returning to me, and taking me in his arms and making the last years without him disappear further with each kiss. My story was however… “I am an only child and I didn’t want to end my last name” Yep that was my story. Lame, but it was believable “My husband is Jacob Black” Mike’s eyes widened. “That kid that came with us to the movies that one night?” he asked horrified. I nodded smiling. “Yes that’s him. We are married, and have two beautiful little girls. Their names are Jane an Carrie” Mike nodded still puzzled, but finally opened the door and walked out. I let out a huge sigh of relief. Mike Newton. After so many years I hadn’t seen him, and he just walked into my office like that. The rest of the day passed in a blur. I didn’t have to stay too long, so about three-thirty I headed to the staff room to get my things. I saw Angela zero in on me in the hall. Her expression was concern, so I figured I must not look so great. “Hey Ang” I forced smile when she reached me. “Bella what happened? You‘ve had this dead expression all day” I sighed. Angela was definitely far more perceptive than I gave her credit for. I hung my head. “I had another dream about him last night” she gasped. She knew exactly who I was talking about, so I didn’t even have to say his name. She was the one who would comfort me when I woke up in the middle of the night screaming in our dorm. She was always there as a shoulder for me to cry on, which I did quite often. After Jacob turned eighteen though he moved closer so I stayed with him. He was a comfort to have around. I never thought I would end up marrying him. But if it had to be anyone, I’m glad it was him. “Oh goodness Bella. Are you ok?” she stepped forward and wrapped me in a hug. I hugged her back. It was only when I pulled away did I realize I wa s crying. Silent sobs escaped from me. “I don’t know Angela, and I hate that. I hate that I give my husband second best. I hate the I can’t love him with all that I am capable of. But I can’t hate him for leaving” she rubbing soothing circles on my back trying to calm me. “Listen I get off in a few minutes. I am not letting you go home like this. I will call Ben and he will come with Eric to pick your car up. I will take you and pick up the girls” I nodded and forced a smile. “Thanks Ang” “Anytime Bells. You know I‘m here for you” I turned around and walked to the staff room. I picked up my purse and pulled out my cell phone. I had a new message from Jake. It read: Bella. We picked up a new scent today. I’m sorry we will be gone a while. I’ll see you when I can. Love you I’ll see you when I can? I hate those responsibilities. I never get to see him. He’s always out with the pack. Always doing his job. I wish I didn’t feel this angry that he had obligations. I looked up to see Angela staring intently at me. “I just called Ben. He said that they would be here in about thirty minutes. Are you ready?” I nodded and threw my phone back in my purse, standing up. “Lets get away from here” she stuck out her hand and I unwillingly dropped my keys into her hand. We walked to Becka at the front counter and Angela handed her my keys. “Ben will be here in a little bit. These are the keys he will ask for” she nodded and stuck them in her drawer. I turned around and Angela lead me towards her car in the parking lot. I jumped in the passenger seat as soon as I heard the doors unlock. Angela cranked the car warily locking the doors back as she turned up the heat. “Angela why are you so jumpy all of a sudden” she side-glanced over at me. “Oh I’m sorry Bella. I’ve just….had this strange feeling that I’m being watched. And umm…” she paused. “What is it?” I put my hand on her shoulder “you can tell me anything” She nodded. “Ben is working late tonight. There have been a bunch of missing people in the area. And I was wondering….if I could maybe stay with you tonight?” I laughed at her shyness in admitting to being afraid. If she knew the real reason why all of those people were missing she would be jumping out of her skin. “Of course Angela. That would be great. Jake isn’t going to make it home tonight either, and the girls would love that” she smiled and relief flooded over her almost instantaneously. She cranked the car and pulled out of the parking lot. I leaned forward and turned on the radio. No need for stray thoughts at a time like this. I was extremely worried about Jacob. He was with the pack so he should be safe, but I hate the idea of him off fighting vampires all the time. Vampires that are the polar opposite of the Cullens. I groaned. Everything I think leads me to thinking about them. I jumped back into reality when I realized we were in the parking lot. “Bella you seem spaced. Are you ok?” I nodded and opened the door in the same movement. We walked into the building through the double doors. I was greeted by Carrie and Jane with their enthusiastic hugs. I scooped up Jane as Angela grabbed Carrie in a hug. “Hey girls how was school?” “Great” they both squealed. “So..” I started as we walked out of the school and towards the car “Daddy isn’t going to make it home tonight. He has to stay late at work” “I’m sorry mommy” my head snapped up. “What do you mean Jane?” she giggled. “Your so sad whenever daddy leaves” So my kids notice these thing. I chuckled. “Buuuuut” I paused for emphasis “Auntie Angela is staying with us tonight” they both jumped up and down squealing, and I chuckled. “Ok ok girls let’s get home” I put Carrie and Jane in the carseats Angela had for them. Jane and Angela sang along to the radio -badly might I add- the whole way home. Carrie was laughing at her sister’s expense. I didn’t feel the need to talk seeing as how my girls were being entertained. So that gave me time to think. Which is never good. My mind stray back to my recent dream. It was so real it actually felt like I was really there again. I could smell his scent. I could feel the rain start to fall as I lay in the middle of the forest, not caring what happened from that point on. I probably would have died right there had it not been for Sam. “Bella?” I snapped out of it noticing Angela standing in front of me with a very worried expression. She had my door open “Don’t do this to yourself. You just have to remember, Edward is happy now. You and him shared a special time together. He was the idiot who gave you up” I smiled at her faint attempts to make me feel better. “And beside look who you married, girl” I chuckled. “I guess. But it would be a lot better, if he were ever actually home” she sighed and grabbed my arm pulling me out of the car. “Come on. You need to just take it easy tonight, and get your mind off of this. So I’ll make dinner for the girls” I nodded and leaned over grabbing the spare key from under the pot. I quickly unlocked the door and ushered Angela and the girls in. “Ok I‘m going upstairs and take a quick shower. When I come back down we can do whatever you are all up for, but in the meantime I’ll put in a movie. And go tell Ang what you want for dinner” they squealed and ran in the kitchen with Angela. I walked over to the stacks of DVDs and picked the first thing I saw. It was Alvin and the Chipmunks, their favorite. I popped it in and hit play as soon as the menu screen came up. I turned around and walked quietly and quickly up the stairs. I really needed a shower. I felt extremely tense now, especially after my much unneeded memories of my dream. I pushed myself through my bedroom door and turned around to shut and lock it. I heaved myself onto my bed burying my face in the mass of pillows that had accumulate at the head of my bed. I felt the sobs rake through my body, as I tried to muffle the sounds with all of my pillows. I let my mind return to the recent dream about him. I don’t even remember I let myself cry this hard. Maybe it’s just what I needed. “Bella?” I sat up quickly expecting to see Angela at the foot of my bed with concern written all over her face. I gasped when I took in the face of a someone I never expected to see again in my life.