Edward has been gone for a long time and Bella is still trying to heal, with Jacob's help. Can she find love again with Jacob? What happens if Edward comes back? Set during New Moon while Edward is still gone. Jacob/Bella fanfic.
I just felt like writing this at 2 in the morning, so im sorry if it came out wrong. Hope you guys like it anyway :) Disclamer: I do not own twilight, or any of the characters. Pfft, i wish...*sigh*
1. Chapter One: Indecision
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BPOV (Bella’s point of view)
Jacob looked at me from across the log. His eyes were almost burning; as if he was in intense thought, agonising over a decision about something important, something he looked as if he really wanted to do.
Just do it already!
Edward had been gone for a long time and he wasn’t coming back. I just needed to accept it. I have to accept it, I have to move on and live. It was just that my heart didn’t agree with me. It was still holding on, and there was just no way to make it let go, no matter how much I wanted to. And I really did.
Holding on like this is more painful than if I would just let Jacob kiss me. And a part of me, even if it wasn’t as big as the first part, really wanted him to. To let his lips reach mine, to know what it feels like…
I can do this. I can let go.
Jacob moved closer, hands reaching out for mine. His skin burned, like usual, but it wasn’t unpleasant. It was always nice, just like this. I wondered for a second if I could let it be something more. Maybe I could just ignore the pain, just for this moment, just so this could be.
‘Bella? Are you ok? You’re doing that face again, when you’re thinking about something. Maybe you should try not thinking for once. I can help with that, you know.’ Jacob said, looking up into my eyes as if he wanted to drown in them.
So close now, you can do this.
His face was so close to mine that our noses were touching. I looked into his eyes, still undecided. Jacob saw my hesitation and pulled back a little, taking his hand from mine and stroking my cheek.
‘Bella, it’s ok. I can wait if you don’t want to. Whatever you want, Bells, whatever you want.’
I did want this. A part of me did. Could I let that part win over the pain that seemed to be tearing at me like my own personal black hole? A voice in the back of my head said yes…
I took my hand, I’m not sure if it was shaking or not, I couldn’t tell, and rested it on his neck. I pulled him closer, only half aware of what I was doing, and looked at him, really looked at him. My heart decided.
My personal sun.
When we stopped Jacob pulled back, rested his cheek on my shoulder and sighed.
‘Bells, I know that you’re still not fully decided yet. But I just wanted to tell you that I will always love you. You’re all that I see when I close my eyes. Whatever you decide is ok with me, I just hope that you pick me, instead of the pain that you’re still holding onto. Pick me Bella.’
He whispered the last words, almost too softly for me to hear. There was a sad longing in them that made me want to comfort him, to make him happy again.
I threw my arms around him, hugging him as tight as I could with my human strength, and whispered in his ear, ‘You know I want you. You make me feel… like me again. Just give me a little more time. I’m almost there.’
‘I hope so Bells’ he whispered back to me.