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Renesmee begins to explore her romantic feelings for Jacob. It's the day he's been waiting for. When danger arises for both of them, how far will they go for each other? Renesmee's POV


6. Stalling

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1615   Review this Chapter

It had poured for three days. The weather matched my mood. It might have even made it worse. I should have been used to it, living with it for the four years I'd been alive. I had just never noticed how dreary the rain made things. Maybe it was the state of things that made me think about it. I'd been trying to think back to another time I had been sad. Had I noticed it then? I realized that I'd never actually been sad before. Never. This was the first time I'd ever truly been hurt. I couldn't believe it was Jacob who had done it. I was sure he was in agony over it right now.

No. I told myself. Stop feeling sorry for him. The truth is, I couldn't help it. I did worry about how he was feeling. Jacob would never intentionally do something to hurt me. He didn't even know I was going to be there. It was my fault really. I shouldn't have been stupid enough to think he'd care that I love him. Well, he'd probably care, but he would never feel the same. I laughed bitterly at myself. He'd never fall in love with me after watching me walk around in diapers. So here I was, in the same miserable place I was in five days ago: in my room crying, hopelessly in love with my best friend, and I still didn't know what imprinting was. Except, this time I felt guilty. I had been so stunned and angry that night at the bonfire. I couldn't believe I told Jacob I hated him. I could never hate him. My tears flowed from my eyes faster at the thought. I couldn't believe I was still crying. I would have thought I had no tears left by now.

"Renesmee?" I heard my mother's voice through the door. I didn't answer. I hadn't spoken to anyone since the bonfire. I wasn't even sure if my voice still worked. My mother's voice spoke again. "Renesmee, eternity is a long time for the silent treatment. I don't think you're going to be able to keep it up."

I knew I was being childish. I just wasn't ready to talk to anyone. I wasn't really all that mad at anyone anymore. I wasn't even mad at Jacob. I was mostly too afraid and embarrassed to say anything to him after the other night. I knew he was ok, for the most part. My father would update me on how he was, probably hearing my worry. All I knew was that he had taken the first couple of days pretty bad. So had I. I cried so hard it hurt. I didn't eat or drink anything at all. Around the third day my sobbing subsided to sniffling. I started eating again, but only because I was afraid I would die if I didn't. For the first three days everyone had tried to coax me out of my room. I was pretty sure they had given up on me until my mother's words only a few minutes ago.

There was a knock on my door. I waited. No one said a word. There was another knock, this time more deliberate. I sighed and walked to the door. I unlocked it and cracked it to see who was there. My breath caught. It was Jacob. No. I wasn't ready. I tried to close the door immediately, but he pushed against me. His force was too much for me. The door flew open and I fell on the ground.

"Oh God, Nessie, I'm sorry! You know how I forget my strength sometimes." He reached down to help me up. His hang caught my wrist. The touch sent a shock through my body. I flinched away.

"Don't touch me." I spit the words at him. Pain filled his eyes, and I immediately felt guilty. I didn't want to be so mean, but I just couldn't deal with him touching me right now. It clouded my mind. I needed to think straight.

"Sorry." He mumbled. He turned and shut the door.

"What do you think you're doing?" I kept my angry tone, hoping it would make him leave. I wasn't ready for this. Would I ever be ready? No. I would never be ready for the moment where I tell him I love him, and he tells me he's with someone else.

"We need to talk." His voice was calm, collected. He's been thinking a lot about how to do this. Crap. He was more prepared than I was.

"Jacob, get out." I got up to open the door so I could make my protest of the conversation visual. He grabbed my wrist and flung me down so that I was sitting beside him on my bed.

"I thought I told you not to touch me." I glared at him.

"Yeah, well, I'll start listening to you when you stop acting like a child." He growled back with the same annoyed tone I had been using with him. It stung to hear the tone directed toward me. I took a deep breath, trying to hold tears back.

"There's nothing to talk about, ok?" Why was I lying to him again? What was so hard about telling the truth? Oh yeah, rejection.

"Don't be stubborn, Nessie." He almost sounded like my father. When did he get so much more mature than me? I was jealous of how calm and rational he was being. "Look, what you saw... it wasn't what you thought... I just-"

"Jake, it's none of my business." I cut him off. I didn't want him to have to go through the pain of explaining himself to me. Honestly, I would take Jacob however I could get him. If that had to be only as friends, I'd take it, no matter how painful it was. "Look, don't worry about it. Please. Let's just pretend like none of it ever happened."

"Renesmee, I can't just-"

"No, Jake. Seriously, I don't want to talk about it."

He sighed and looked off at nothing. I studied him, sitting there. His collected expression had faded. It was replaced with sadness. I'd never seen him look like that before, like he was in utter despair. I felt guilty. This was my fault. If I hadn't let my imagination get away from me, none of this would have happened. We'd still be best friends. It wouldn't feel awkward to sit next to him. I tried to reassure him. "Jacob, it will be ok. I promise. I just need a little while to get my head together."

He sighed again, and put his large dark hand on mine. It felt nice there. It would have been almost perfect if there wasn't pain shooting through my heart. I wanted it to mean the same thing to him that it meant to me. He stood up and walked to the door. He stopped there, his back to me. He pulled something out of his pocket and looked at it for a long moment. "Call me when you're ready for me to tell you what imprinting is." He spoke as he placed the object in his had on the dresser by my door. Then, without turning to look at me, he walked out the door.

His exit felt distant and hopeless. Was imprinting a bad thing? Was that why he hadn't told me about it yet? I fell back on my bed, sobbing. I wanted to know what it meant, but now I was afraid. What if it meant we couldn't be friends? I couldn't deal with that. We had to be friends, at least. I couldn't imagine my life without Jacob.

"Oh, honey. Are you all right?" I felt my mother's hand brush my hair back out of my face.

"No. But I really can't handle talking about it right now, ok?" I knew my mother would understand.

"Ok, baby." She sat on my bed and cradled my head in her lap. She stroked my hair as I sobbed for hours. When I finally made it back to sniffling, she got up.

"I'm going to go make you something to eat, ok?" I nodded my head and she turned to walk out the door. She stopped at the dresser and gasped. She spoke as she picked up whatever Jacob had left for me. "Where did you get this?"

"Jacob left it there when he walked out." I wasn't even sure what it was.

"It's beautiful." She smiled.

"Let me see." She had made me curious. She walked over and set it in my hand. It was a bracelet, a charm bracelet. It had five little wooden charms, evenly spaced. They were carved to look like wolves. It really was beautiful.

"He made those charms." She was watching me examine the bracelet, smiling.

I didn't notice that I hadn't been crying until I felt a lone tear slide down my cheek. I couldn't wait anymore. I needed to show him how I felt, and I needed to learn the truth about imprinting. I was ready.