Okay, this might be the weirdest AU ever, but I thought it would be kind of cute. I got it from the idea of Bella always freaks when Edward's gone from school; what would happen if Bella didn't go one day because she was sick? It's after Port Angeles, but before the meadow. Pretty much, he comes to see what's wrong and has to take care of her.
5. Chapter 5: Healing
Rating 4.5/5 Word Count 1372 Review this Chapter
Edward simply stared at me, clearly trying to find a good answer to my question, one that satisifed both of us.
"All I know--" he finally said, after a while, "--is that--I love you." His jaw tightened with those words and he looked away from me. "The rest is up to you." He sounded almost nervous, like he was afraid I would reject him or something; it was quite endearing.
"What do you mean?" I asked, forcing him to look at me.
"I mean...that I know exactly where you stand with me. But, I still have yet to figure out where I stand with you."
"I just told you."
"No." He shook his head, "No, I don't need to know that you love me, I knew that already--it was quite obvious that you loved me when you discovered I was a vampire, but you didn't give a damn about it when most normal humans go running screaming from us--as should you."
I rolled my eyes, "Will you stop that? I am not going anywhere unless that somewhere has you there with me. I've said it a million and one times before and I will say it a million and one times more if I have to--I am not scared of you. I don't think I would be scared of you even if you did try to hurt me."
He jerked away from me angrily, clenching his teeth as he spoke, "What the hell is the matter with you, Bella; you shouldn't want this."
"But, I do."
"Why are you not scared of me? And, don't tell me it's because you love me. Love or no love, you should be terrified. Why do you not care if I hurt you?"
"Because more than anything, I trust you. I love you and I trust you."
"Well, maybe you shouldn't do either." He said, standing up and starting to pace.
"Maybe that's my decision." I said, just as stubbornly, now rising to my feet.
"Like hell it is!" He said, advancing towards me, backing me into a corner.
I breathed an irritated chuckle and said, "You are not as scary as you think you are, you know that?"
"And, you're not as strong as you think you are." He retorted, pulling back, "Bella, you don't get it."
"What; what don't I get? GOD!" I had stepped on my foot. "SONOFA--"
He rolled his eyes and said, "Will you sit down and stop this?"
He forced me down on the couch and I said, "No, I will not stop anything until you explain to me what it is that I don't get."
"Just forget it, Bella!"
"No. No, no, you're the one who said you want to understand how I feel--so why don't you help me out here?"
He scoffed, "Do you think this easy for me?"
"This--being around you, every minute of every day, my inability to stay away from you when every fiber of my being is screaming at me that I need to do just that?! I know that I should go. I know that. But, I can't. I have tried...time and time again...I have tried to leave as I should. But, nothing can keep me from you. Nothing. Not even my knowledge that it is what's best for you."
"NO, IT'S NOT!" I screamed, my voice cracking, my fists clenching and unclenching in anger.
"Yes, it is, Bella. You haven't the slightest clue what is really best for you--especially when it comes to me and my involvement with your life."
"Neither do you. You have no idea just what you are to me. You are so much more than just...some guy that I fell for...you have no idea..." I broke off miserably, my illness taking over me and making me lose the ability to argue properly with him. "No...idea...no..."
"No! No, not again!" I would not let myself pass out now. We had to do this now.
"Bella, what is it? Are you okay? Bella?" He laid me down and said, "I'll go get the thermometer."
"No. No, I'm fine. Please just...talk to me."
I stared at him, annoyed that he wouldn't get the obvious.
He sat down and sighed, "Here, come here." He pulled my head onto his lap so that I was still lying down, stiffening up as he did so.
"I--don't--oh, God--I'm not...leaving you...Bella. Despite my better judgement, I can't do that. I'm sorry, I know I should and I'm sorry, but I can't."
Now I stiffened up. If he didn't stop talking about this kind of stuff, I might have to have Emmett or someone beat the crap out of him until he got some sense knocked into him. "Okay." I managed to choke out.
"God...you know, I feel like...a man possessed. All I know is that, being with you, touches me more than you'd ever guess. If my heart could beat..." he paused to pick up with hand, place it over his chest, holding it there with both of his hands, "...it would break my chest."
We shared a moment of eye contact, while I analyzed that. "To say the least..." he whispered.
After a moment, he shook his head, "Bella, there are...no words that do my feelings for you justice. No words in heaven, earth, or hell will ever in a million years accurately describe just how much I love you. That...is what you don't get."
"Oh, God..." I said, softly, "I had...no idea...I--"
"Yeah, you didn't." He accused, "You have...no idea...what I go through every single day because I can't stay away from you."
"What do you mean?"
"It doesn't matter. It's all worth it. I would endure...anything for you, you know that."
"Endure? What; is being with me...a bad thing?"
"No." He said, firmly, "No, being with you could never, ever be a bad thing. Nothing could be bad when it's for you."
I simply stared at him, waiting for an explanation, when he said, "Don't worry about it; I'll explain later. I believe it's your turn now. Why do I not scare you?"
He folded his arms, waiting for my explanation now. I shook my head, "It's like you--I can't explain it properly. All I know is that...I know that you could never hurt me even if you tried. Physically, anyway, but if you threaten to leave again, emotionally will be a whole other story."
He rolled his eyes and I continued on. "Even if you did hurt me...I would say that's your call, not mine."
"And why is that?"
"Because I am more yours than anyone else's. Even myself. I belong to you in ways I never dreamed possible. My very being depends on you...when that's the case...how could I question you? If you want to hurt me, then you hurt me, I don't care, it's up to you. If not, then that's all the better. All I'm saying is...it's not my choice anymore. It's yours. I am yours...all I am is yours."
He reached down and caressed my face lightly. "That's all I needed to hear." He said, though it sounded as if he had further arguement that he was postponing until later.
"Wait, that's it."
"No, that's not it; that's not even close to it, but we can discuss the rest of it later. For now, you need sleep. And, I'll stay here as long as you need me."
"How's forever?" I asked, nestling into him, inhaling his unbelievable scent deeply. God, it actually weakened me, it was so amazing.
"Forever...sounds...great." He said, reaching his lips down to mine.
I waited for his lips to be mere centimeters from mine before saying, "Wait, wait."
He exhaled shakily as I spoke before saying, "Huh, what?"
"Yes...and I remain immune to human illnesses, happy to say." He said, pressing his lips to mine in a soft tender kiss.
"I love you," he said, against my lips, once the kiss had ended.
"And, I love you," I said, nestling into him and wrapping my arms tightly around him.
He began playing with my hair and running his hand lightly down my arm, soothing me, until I fell asleep again...in his arms...his touch so perfect, so beautiful...so healing to me.