"It felt like Bella all over again, but worse. This time, with Renesmee, I was bound to her. She was everything I saw. I needed her like I needed oxygen. The draw I felt to her had never felt this strong. I wasn't complete without her. I wanted her here beside me, always." Nessie/Jacob These are sort of extras to my story Imprinted. Various chapters that I wrote from Jacob's POV to help myself out with where the story was going.
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I sprinted through the woods to her house. I'd been calling at least three times every day. She still wasn't speaking to anyone. I was worried what her reaction to seeing me again would be, but I couldn't stay away any longer. The rain stung my eyes and drenched my long fur. All I could hear was the sound my paws made as I ran. I was alone. Good. I could think.
I scanned back through my thoughts of the bonfire for the millionth time. I remembered the painful stab I felt to my heart when I heard the hurt in her voice that night. How could I have done this? It was unbearable. Every ounce of hurt she felt, I felt. I had never quite felt the bond of our imprint like I did now. I had never thought of pain that would seep through me if I hurt her because I had thought it would never be an issue. I never intended to hurt her. I had gone through stages of regret. First, I felt nothing but pure pain. I literally ached from it. I could remember writhing on the ground and screaming her name as she drove away. It took nearly the entire pack to hold me down and calm me. It was the first time it had ever physically hurt me to watch her walk away. Then, I felt fury. I was angry with myself mostly, but I was taking it out on Embry. The pack tried to hold me back, but I managed to break a few of his bones. After I was done being selfish, I started to feel agonizing worry. She was so upset. She even told me she hated me. Deep down I knew she didn't. The imprint wouldn't allow it. I hated myself for it. She should hate me. I hurt her. How could I hurt her? How could I be so stupid?
I wished the imprint would just disappear. I wished she could find someone who deserved her, someone who wouldn't hurt her. I had to tell her about it. Bella told me she had been asking. She said that was the reason she had come to La Push that night, to ask me about the imprint. She deserved to know. But after what happened, how could she not resent me for it? Once she found out that the reason she couldn't truly hate me was because of some bond I had with her at birth, what would she do? I sighed as I landed at the edge of the woods beside her house. I phased back and pulled my shorts on. I was going to go inside and tell her anything she wanted to know. I would tell her how in love with her I was. I would tell her the truth about the imprint, the bond that had kept us so close her whole life. But I would do what I should have with Bella so many years ago. I would give her the choice she deserved. I would tell her to forget the imprint and find someone who could make her happy. After all, that's all I wanted... for her to be happy again. Even if it meant I was in pain.
I walked in just as Bella was coming around the corner. "She's still not speaking to anyone." She shook her head at me. "Jacob, what were you thinking?" She was disappointed.
"I wasn't." I muttered, embarrassed. I had already explained what happened to Bella, and been scolded harshly over the phone.
"Why don't you try?" She pointed down the hall, toward Renesmee's room.
I walked to her door. I could hear the muffled sounds of her crying. This was going to be agony, but how much worse could things get? I knocked softly on her door. I waited a few moments for an answer. When I heard nothing, I knocked again, louder. The door cracked open and I felt a jolt at the painful sight of her face. It looked like she had been crying for days. Her eyes and nose were red and puffy. Her beautiful chocolate eyes were glazed with sadness. I could hear her breath catch as she looked up at me. She tried to shut the door in my face. I couldn't let her. This couldn't be the last state I saw her in. It was too painful. I pushed back on the door. It flew open flinging her to the ground. I ran to her, worried I'd hurt her again.
"Oh God, Nessie, I'm sorry! You know how I forget my strength sometimes." I reached my hand down and grabbed her wrist to help her up. She flinched.
"Don't touch me." Her words sounded like venom. Pain coursed through my body at the sound of her tone. Maybe she did hate me.
"Sorry." I could barely get a sound to come out. I turned to shut the door, and tried to pull myself together so I could talk.
"What do you think you're doing?" Her voice was cold and bitter.
"We need to talk." I was surprised how calm my voice sounded. I had no clue how I was going to begin.
"Jacob, get out." She started walking to the door, but I grabbed her wrist and set her back on the bed next to me. She wasn't going to throw me out yet. She would have to wait until after I horrified her with the truth of our bond.
"I thought I told you not to touch me." She glared as she spoke the words. Now she was just being childish.
"Yeah, well, I'll start listening to you when you stop acting like a child." I threw the same angry tone in my voice that she was using with me. She took a deep breath, calming herself.
"There's nothing to talk about, ok?" I could see the lie in her eyes. I couldn't believe she was passing up the opportunity to yell at me. I was almost pleased. But it wasn't going to be that easy to make me leave.
"Don't be stubborn, Nessie." My voice sounded calm despite my aggravation. I started talking before she could object again. "Look, what you saw..." I paused trying to find the right words. "It wasn't what you thought..." How did I even know what she thought? I decided to just confess everything. "I just-"
Jake, it's none of my business." She cut me off.
None of her business? I thought. It has everything to do with her. I looked at her, searching her face for some telling expression. She was deep in thought. She looked up at me suddenly, like she had decided something.
"Look, don't worry about it. Please. Let's just pretend like none of it ever happened." She had to be bluffing. I knew I couldn't forget about any of it.
"Renesmee, I can't just-"
"No, Jake. Seriously, I don't want to talk about it." Her tone was demanding.
I sighed and looked off into the space in front of me. Why couldn't she just let me tell her how I felt? I was ready now. Every other time I'd even thought about it I changed my mind. But this time I was ready. She could ask me anything and I would tell her the whole truth. I could feel her watching me, but I didn't care. I was too wrapped up in my pain to put on some fake expression. All I wanted was to wrap my arms around her, kiss her, and tell her she was everything to me. My body ached to hold her. But I couldn't. I couldn't force myself on her like that.
"Jacob, it will be ok. I promise. I just need a little while to get my head together." Those words were the ones that kept me from pouring my heart out to her right there. The imprint had grown strong over the past few years. I would do anything she asked me. It was only now when she was asking me something difficult that I even noticed. But if she needed time, I would give her that.
I sighed, knowing I would be leaving without telling her anything I'd come to say. I looked down at her hand, so pale and delicate. I placed my large hand over hers. My heart thumped hard at the feeling of her skin touching mine. I got up and walked to the door before my body could overpower my mind. I stopped and pulled a bracelet out of my pocket. I let the little wolf charms dangle as I examined one more time. I'd been making it for her for a couple of months. I'd finished it a couple of days after the bonfire. I placed in on her dresser as I spoke in a quiet voice. "Call me when you're ready for me to tell you what imprinting is." Tears started streaming down my face. I couldn't let her see so I just walked out the door.
I walked out of the house quickly, trying to hide my face so Bella and Edward wouldn't see my tears. It was enough that he could hear everything. He knew I was falling apart; he didn't need to see it too. I didn't want to ruin everything by telling Renesmee the truth. I phased the second I was out the door. I started running as fast as I could. I didn't know where I was going. I just needed to escape from this for a little while.