Bella finds out nobody buys her 'im over Edward' act, not ever charlie. whats the point of acting anymore. what's the point of living? this is Bella's suicide. or at least she tried, maybe she gets 'saved' by someone she thought was lost from her forever. can she and her true love get over their endless issues and get back together or will they fall apart.
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3. what to consider
Rating 5/5 Word Count 1627 Review this Chapter
Wrapping it tight around myself, I ring out my wet hair. Once my body is dry, I use that towel to fix my hair. Vampire speed is something I will have to get used to, in the act of drying my hair, I went too hard and too fast, wearing right through the fluffy cloth.
"Damn." I mutter. I look around for my old sweats, thinking of how clean I am, and how dirty they are. The baggy clothes I wore three days ago have been replaced with a pretty Kimono. Alice’s doing I suppose. She did always have a thing for dressing me. I look down at the silky flowers and clearly hand-done embroidery. I smile and slip it on. Naturally it fits well. I turn to the mirror.
I am beautiful. My hair, though wet from the washing is sleek and healithy looking. My body was never fat, not by any means but soft sort of, now it had hardened into firm muscles and radient skin. My pale skin now compares to Alice’s or anyone else in the family. My waist has shrunk, my hips have widened, my breasts are…more substaintial, my eyes are…
Red, they are red. I knew this was inevitable, I’d seen these crimson eyes on Victoria, James and Laurent. The Cullens had explained to me that my body was still filled with human blood, that the rich pigment would fade within a few months, after I’d really gotten into the swing of this life. But even though I knew all this I still gasped.
“Bella?” It was his voice, his fist knocking on the door. “Are you okay?”
“Yes.” I answer quickly through a pad of cushy lips. Not freakish botched plastic surgery big, down a size from Angelina Jolie big. My cheek bones…
I can’t help but look at myself. It’s strange.
I look around, hoping for a towel. A quick rub to my hair and legs and I walk right out the door. “Bella?” Edward asks as I rush passed him in his seat on his leather couch. “Bella, hold on a minute, I want to talk to you.” No way Jose’. I'm not going to stop so he can dazzle me with is velvety voice and endless eyes. I am strong now, I wil not be weakend by my love.
“I have to talk to Carlisle.” I hiss, throwing back the door. Thankfully I my new sences help me locate his office. My mind has repressed anything that happened in this house, endless summer evenings... No Bella stop it! I scream at myself. There will be no soft feelings. I knock to hard on the door, my knuckles leave sizable dents.
“Come in Bella.” I open the door to reveal Carlisle seated at his desk. He becons with his hand for me to sit in a leather chair across from him. “Bella please shut the door.” His hand shoots out stopping me when I try to get up “With your mind Bella, try to use your power.”
I concentrate on the door. It’s a creamy color that matches the rest of the house. I picture the door slamming shut of it’s own accord. I wish for it. Replaying the image of it closing again and again until it finally does. I can’t keep the look of shock and pride off my face when I turn back to him.
“Very good Bella. Lots of strength.” He jots a note down in an open notebook. I look around the office uncomfortably. There are the portraits of Carlisle’s ancient vampire friends, the ones Edward showed me. “Would you mind lifting that plant?” Carlisile gestures to a potted plant by the window. I sigh and eventually lift it about a foot in the air. “Phenomenal. Simply terrific.” He shakes his head with a smile on his face. “How about that chair, in the corner there?” He’s excited now. His brillant mind is working double time, his curiosity obvious on his face.
“Actually, I’d rather not.” I murmer. He puts his papers down to look at me.
“Is there something else?” He looks at me like a math question, like something to solve. “Are you not comfortable Bella?” He looks at me worriedly. I can’t lie to him just like I couldn’t lie to Charlie. “You don’t plan on staying with us, do you?” I shake my head. “Ahh...” He breathes in understanding, he leans back against his chair. The silence in the room isn’t tense, but long lasting. I can hear people somewhere in the house fighting. I can hear someone pacing just above us it sounds like. I can heard the birds outside. I shift in my chair I look around some more. “Look Bella, nobody is going to stop you if you leave, if that’s what you want. We want you to stay but if you can’t then we understand.” He smiles understandingly.
“I want to stay but I don’t know if I can. I missed you all so much.” I hear myself saying. “I don’t know if I can just stay here when I feel like this.” I rest my head in my hands.
“Feel like what Bella?” He asks.
“Feel so conflicted I guess. This is what I wanted so badly just 3 days ago but this version of dead doesn’t rid me of my thoughts. It’s what I wanted just last year but this time he doesn’t love me, there’s nobody to spend eternity with. I don’t want to be here, but I don’t want to be anywhere else.” I finish lamely.
“Bella every person in this house loves you and wants you to stay. The choice is yours but you will always be welcome wherever we are.” He reaches for my hand and pats it in a fatherly way. Too much of a reminder of Charlie. I will miss him so much.
“Thanks.” I slip my hand out from under his. "I think I might like to go for a walk.” Yes this is most definetly a good idea. No judgement, just the peace of the forest.
“Sure Bella” He smiles.
Outside the gentle wind blows my hair around in every direction. It whispers in my ear, run Bella run. It puffs my kimono up and almost open if not for my arms wrapt tightly around myself.
I have to think about what Carlisle said. He told me everybody wants me to stay, everyone loves me-except the one I want. He doesn’t love me, he probably never will. I wonder when he will figure out that I don’t want him near me and return to his many distractions.
But maybe I should go, him leaving is hardly the idea. It’s his house, it’s his family, ulimately it’s his turf. I should be the one to go. I’ll bet when he looks at me he feels guilty. I bet he asks himself how despartate he must have been a few months ago. How could he have chosen a human like me to lead on? There were beautiful ones surrounding him, obnoxious, but beautiful. So maybe I never liked her and she doesn’t deserve Edward but Lauren Mallory would be better suited as a girlfriend for him. She’s more interesting I’ll bet…
I don’t want to think about Lauren and Edward. It’s too much right now. Back to my current question. Do I want to stay? Yes. I think, more than anything. But I want Edward to want me to be with him here, with him, by his side. To lie next to each other on an unnecessary bed at night, to climb trees with, to travel the word in each other’s company. I want him to want me around permanently and when I try to leave I want him to grab my arm and pull me back to him, to beg me to stay. I’ll agree of course, who wouldn’t.
But I know that can’t happen, when he told me he didn’t love me he killed me and three days ago, I just gave up on healing. I tried to finish the job. Figures the second I find a way out, he plows his way back into my life and blocks up yet another door. I can’t see any windows…
And now I’m actually permanently stuck here, the endlessly tormenting memories swirling around my head. I thought I had it bad before, this is a thousand times worse. What good has this immortality done me? Now I’m indestructible. There’s no jumping off of tall buildings, I’m stronger. No hanging, I don’t need to breath. No cutting, my wrist would probably bend the blade. I am doomed to live forever, watching Edward’s distractions on the sidelines. No sweet ending.
Nothing. I’m now doomed to sit on the planet taking up space. Just collecting dust. Soon, when the Cullen family realizes that I’ve lost all novelty from being a human, they’ll leave me again and I won’t even have family this time. It’ll be just me.
“Bella wait up!” I recognize the voice as Rosalie. I turn back to her, not running anymore. I didn’t have any sort of direction but now the house is out of sight and I have no idea how to get back.
“Yeah?” She’s about a meter away.
“Listen Bella, I just wanted to talk to you.” I have never seen her look nervous. Not once in the time I knew her, until now.