Bella finds out nobody buys her 'im over Edward' act, not ever charlie. whats the point of acting anymore. what's the point of living? this is Bella's suicide. or at least she tried, maybe she gets 'saved' by someone she thought was lost from her forever. can she and her true love get over their endless issues and get back together or will they fall apart.
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4. Things to Ponder
Rating 5/5 Word Count 1802 Review this Chapter
“Wow” I breathe stupidly. She just told me how she died and all I can say is wow?
“Yeah.” She smiles sadly as we walk together.
“I don’t know what to say Rosalie.” iI murmer. “I had no idea” I really didn’t. In my mind, Rosalie was the beautiful but rude member of the family and now it makes sence. Her life was stolen from her. She woke up to heart-stopping pain-just like me. She didn’t want to be there. I suspect that if I were still human she’d edit a great deal of the detailes out, if she told me at all.
“Don’t say a word if you don’t want to.” Her arm links easily with mine. “Oh, I brought these for you, I figured you might be feeling a little vulnerable with the robe.” She hands me a bundle of clothes. A dark grey t-shirt and jeans, which fit me quite well. I face away from her to change. They fit comfortably.
“Thanks Rose…alie, for the clothes and sharing you history.” I fold the robe and drape it across a tree, I’ll be back for it. My new nose will halp me track it down.
“Seriously, no big deal. And by the way, please call me Rose.” Rose’s smile is big and luminous. “But seriously, enough about MY history, let’s talk about yours huh?” She raises a perfecty sculpted eyebrow.
“There’s not so much to say…” I want to trail off. I want her to be distracted from how thoroughly her brother hurt me.
“Well come on,” Her head inclines towards mine as we walk. “If you’re going to be living with us- staying with us-" She corrects herself “-then how can you think we’ll just let you keep all that locked away inside you.” She smiles. Who is this Rosalie? The one I knew was mean and picky and selfish. She would never willingly listen to me wail on about my lost love. “Wait-" She stops dead in her tracks. “You are going to be with us, right?” She peers into my eyes, as if for some clues.
“Well I hadn’t actually come to a conclusion about that…that’s what the walk was for.” I admit. I'm ashamed for some reason. It’s like I really wanted to be able to tell Rosalie I was staying with her.
“But you can’t even hunt! You’re a day old new born for crying out loud! You don’t understand your diet, your powers or you hunger. Seriously Bella, it’s not bright to just go out into the world ill equipped. Flinging yourself out into the vampire world without once hunting counts as ill equipped. At least let me take you hunting once. Okay? How ‘bout now?” She pulls on my hand, her bottom lip pulled out devastatingly. This look probably works on Emmett.
“Fine.” I mutter. I’m off ot learn how to keep myself alive-sort of.
Half an hour later, someone else’s blood flows though my viens and Rose and I are on considerably better terms. Hunting was an exciting experience, invigorating. It put out that dull fire at the back of my throat. I will be vegetarinan, just like the Cullens, but I enjoy the taste of animal blood. Of course I have nothing to compare it ot but I enjoy the flavour. My aversion to blood has ceased. I’m feeling more open about everything. She put the peppy cheer up act to bed so now we find ourselves sitting by a small stream.
“I don’t know, just empty I guess. When Edward left, I felt like I wasn’t me anymore, like the person who lived the life with him didn’t even exist. You’ve got to understand, I may have been human but I loved him more than anyting else in the world. But I guess you already figured that, I mean I am here, aren’t I?” I stop so we can both giggle. “But it was inevidable, that we’d break up, that he’d dump me I mean. He’s charming and elegant and beautiful-“ I sigh just thinking about him. “And, well, I was always just me. Plain old ugly Bella.”
“Yeah ypu’re great and all, but I totally agree Bella, as a human, you were never so much for the eyes.” She laughes like feathers and chocolate, that’s the best way I can describe it, smooth, creamy, rich, soft, light…lovely. “But it’ll be okay Bells, I mean there’s more of a chance you guys can get back together if you stick around. I know he missed you.” she says sincerely.
“What about his distractions?” I whisper not really to her, or anyone at all.
“Huh? Listen Bella I don’t know what he said to you that day, but I’m starting to find this more and more crazy. I don't know if I’m supposed to say this, but Edward spent most all of your months apart holed up in the slums of Brazil completely alone.”
“Sure.” I mutter. Like I could believe he’d ever be alone.
“ No seriously, you have no idea how pathetic he was. But I don’t want to have this converstion with you, it’s between you and Edward, not me. But that’s just the thing Bella, you have to let him talk to you, just listen for a second. Personally, I wouldn’t blame you if you left and never contacted him again but now I see why Alice missed you so much. You’re cool Bella.” She admits to me.
I have a lot to think about. Do I want to stay with the love of my life forever, watch him and his family be happy in love or live on my own? I could do that, find myself a nice little forest with a bear problem? I could survive. I could prove that I don’t depend on them. I could live without any reminders of my other, more painful life. Other life...human... “Oh no, Charlie. What happened, I’ve been missing for a couple days now. is he okay?”
“Bella,” She grabs my hand and looks into my eyes sadly. “We had to crash your truck. They just left your note for him, Alice says he found it yesterday.” She stares at me while I try to take it in. My dad really thinks I'm dead.
“Can I go check on him?” I ask, getting to my feet. Im not really asking, I want to see him, I need to see he’s alright. He’ll cope I know it, I need to see him though.
“I don't know Bella, you’re so young…” She says something else, but I’m gone and not paying attention. I’ll just peek in through the windows. Just a glimpse at how he is.
The familiar house rushes by me and I hear Rosalie calling me back half heartedly. She tells me to ‘just wait’ and then stops altogether. I speed down the winding path and roads, straight through the forests and roads until I come upon my street. I’m home.
So is Charlie. He’s slumped up against the couch, like someone threw him there, then he sat down, a beer in hand and the remote in the other. He more looks at the television than watches. It’s painful to watch, but it’s something I need.
I back away and will my bedroom window to open. When it does I use my new vampire stealth to climb the wall and slip in silently. That’s when the sents hit me.
They are over powering. One older and less healthy and the other younger, smelling of freesias but weaker, the sent is old. Both are incredibly apitizing smelling. I realize the other one is me, it’s all over the bed and the shower and my laundry hamper, as well as everything I’ve ever touched.
I sneak down to see him, or that’s what I tell myself, although I'm sure some dark part of me wants to kil my father. He smells delisous, much better than the stupid animals earlier. The fire burns in my throat and I must have it. No! I stop myself. He Is innocent.
Charlie just lay on the couch, looking lifeless, unaware of the battle raging inside of me. I fight my murderous blood thirsty qualities hard. No. I stay perfectly still in the house with him. Just watching him do human things. breathing, getting up and eating, going to the bathroom. While he is up their I sit in his spot. It’s warm from his body, delisious. I get up just in time and move stealthily around the house. Before I know it an hour has passed and I’ve just been here watching my Dad.
Suddenly I pick up a new smell. Sweet and sort of miny, like a sugary, gental burn. That’s the way the Cullens smell, I smell. I run upstairs to my room, I must protect Charlie. Im just in time to see Edward gracefully tumble through the window.
He rights himself and looks up to see me there. His eyes widen and he grabs me.
“Let me GO!” I hiss in a vampire pitch.
“I can’t let you hurt Charlie, you’re too young.” He confines my arms, but this time I can brace his hold with my own strength. I concentrate on not thinking about how I was just in his arms, or that the last time I was here with him human, I was trying to bleed to death. Or all the nights we shared. I bite my lip.
“I’m fine.” I move towards the door.
“No!” He throws me over his shoulder and swiftly jumps out the window with me hammering on his back and kicking all the while. He runs into the forest still carriyng me, muttering how stupid it was for me to come here and thank god he saved Charlie just in time, who knows what would have happened if he’d been late and blah blah blah.
I try not to relish the moment, to enjoy his hands on me. I clutch tightly to my anger. Finally he puts me down. We’re in the woods. Oh no, I’ve been here before.
This is where he left me, this is where it ended, our relationship, my normalcy, my life. I can’t be here.
His hand raises to pinch the bridge of his nose in a typical Edwards stance of agitation.“Rosalie only told us you were here a minute ago. We thought you were still with her, how could you be so thoughtless to come HERE on your very first day!? Bella, you’re smarter than that! How could you risk…” hH stops to look for me but I’ve taken off again. “Bella! I need to talk to you!” He almost yells
Here’s what I’ve learned today:
1. I can move opjects with my mind
2. Rosalie isn’t so crazy and she’s actually a really great friend
3. Charlie is screwed without me.
4. Edward thinks im an idiot and doesn’t trust me at all.