Bella finds out nobody buys her 'im over Edward' act, not ever charlie. whats the point of acting anymore. what's the point of living? this is Bella's suicide. or at least she tried, maybe she gets 'saved' by someone she thought was lost from her forever. can she and her true love get over their endless issues and get back together or will they fall apart.
here's to my awesome Beta!
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Everybody being really nice, trying to help me. Everyone except the one I care the most about. That somebody in question just sits in his room, not doing anything, not leaving for anything. once in a while they bring him a meal, usually a small rabbit, somthing near by. Jasper says he’s beating himself up, he can hardly stand to stay in the house, too depressing.
Shockingly, I’ve had a real conversation with Jasper, he and I are now friends. The two of us were hunting and we began talking about how ridiculous human food is. He didn’t remember the flavors that food holds, he said he didn’t see the point in cooking, that it was just a waste of time. One eats for nurishment, why not just eat and not obsess over flavor?
I laughed and did my best to remember the tastes for him. It was harder than I thought, to recall the taste of salt, sugar, eggs, banana, chicken, potatoes, chocolate…
“Sweet you know?” I squinted my eyes in concentraion. “But rich and smooth, creamy and great I guess…I can’t think of the words, I didn’t eat so much before my change, especially not sweets like chocolate or ice cream.” I admitted shrugging. I looked towards the house in the distance, the glass wall. On the very top floor a figure stares out the window from his dark room. I looked away, not wanting to see Edward, watching me. “Let's go farther away.” I suggested merrily, not looking back.
I quickly learned that the life of the immortal is a redundant one based primarily in shadows, out of view. As the Cullens were still technically in LA and I had died, going into town wasn’t an option. Thankfully I have developed a hobby of checking in on Charlie. I just sit behind him on the couch, watching him stare at the television, taking his warm spot when he gets up.
Today the phone rings. He turns to the sound of the noise and hobbles over roboically.
“Hello.” His dead voice reminds me of when Edward left me. a woman over the phone asks to speak to me. It’s Renee, she wants to know if I’m getting any better.
“I’m sorry Renee,” He tells her. “You can’t reach her.” He looks like he might cry again. No no no, I wasn't thinking I’d be right here, listening in on this conversation. How could he have not called her when it happened?
“Well what is she in the shower or something? Put her on, she hasn’t been answering my emails in like a week.” Renee sounds impatient.
“I can’t, Bella is...” His voice wavers. “She’s gone.”
“Gone how?” Now she sounds worried. “She hasn’t run away has she?”
“No, she killed herself.” Charlie lets a breath go and hangs up the phone on Renee’s loud sobs. I don’t want to be here anymore. I can’t. I dash upstairs and to my room. I think I’ll leave, but then I see all my old things, books, clothes, pictures from such a long time ago.
Here’s one of Renee looking exausted on a hospital bed with a very proud and less balding looking Charlie, he’s holding a tiny red baby up to the camera like a championship medal. It’s me. . . I grab a bag and stuff a couple things in it. The sock of money under my mattress, the pictures of us as a family, the camera from Charlie, a bunch of clothes and stuff from my backpack.
I can’t come back here. I can’t ever talk to my family again. All the emotions and thoughts about my death that I had been holding back, came with a vengeance, through the flood gates.
The phone rings again. Charlie doesn’t get up, he just sniffs and sighs. I can’t comfort him, I can’t make him Grandma’s lasagna or soup or Harry Clearwater’s fish fry or…anything at all.
I feel imprisoned, like someones holding me back from comforting my father, but it’s worse than that. If it really were a person binding me, I could fight them off but I have to restrain myself from him, there's no way to win. I just have to sit here watching him hurt, I feel helpless. I have sit and watch him die while I live forever.
I grab a couple more things, my baby blanket, a pair of Charlie’s socks, my favorite books. I say one last and silent goodbye to this room and this house and that life before jumping out the window with my bags.
I run, no direction, no reason just the wind in my hair and my feet beating the ground. I run with my eyes closed, not crashing what with my extreme senses. I pick up the pace and get everything out. Until, I do crash. I come across a large cold stone. A tree trunk maybe? Not too hard. Not a bolder either, too slender. Then arms wrap around me and I am hit with a sent which is unmistakably his. The handles of the bags side down and off my arms.
I peak my eyes open and his are right there, watching me intently, molten topaz gazing at mine. His hold is unbreakable, I may be a newborn vampire with my old human blood coursing through my veins but I am in conflict as I don’t want to be anywhere but pressed against him.
The look in his eyes is too much, I turn my head. Of course, I should have guessed this is where we’d end up.
The meadow’s beauty is still there but dulled down a touch. I can now expect the rainbows that shoot of his skin cause the shoot of mine too. the tinkling on water in the distance doesn’t sound like music anymore. The shadows playing across tall tree trunks don’t make me smile. Everything looks fragile to my new eyes. I could tear out every tree in less than a second. I could dig this whole clearing into an ugly crator. The magic has left me.
“Please let me go Edward.” I plead, so close to sobbing, my neck craned to get as far away as I can.
“Can’t we just talk Bella?” His voice is gentle. He's asking me like he wants me to let him, like it matters what my response is. “Look at me Bella, please?” One arm floats up to my chin, to slowly and softly turn my head to meet him eyes.
“I can’t Edward.” My eyelids close and I start to shake. Suddenly he’s not just holding me from running, now he’s hugging me tightly. My arms are pinned and my chin rests on his shoulder as I sob. “Just let me go…please…just….” I trail off.
“Why not Bella? Why can’t I just talk to you? You’ve been avoiding me for a week. Please, just listen, I want to work this out. I don’t want to fight with you. I care about you Bella.” He tries to smooth my hair down, but I spin out of his arms.
“You care about me?” I seeth “You care about me?!” I'm yelling now. “Edward Cullen, if you ever cared about me you wouldn’t have left me alone, infact, you wouldn’t have lead me on in the first place!”
“Bella!” His eyes are wide.
“I don’t know why you’d play some kind of sick joke like that on me but I hope you enjoyed it because you ruined my life.” I yell in his face. “When you left I went into such a deep depression, my dad wanted to get me committed!
"Imagine that every time you close your eyes, you have vivid nightmares about being chased through forests. You made Charlie just have to get used to me screaming in my sleep. Nobody wanted to talk to me anymore, I was a zombie because of you’re stupid game. I guess you never got how pathetically in love with you I was.” I shake violenty and hyperventilate.
“You’re right, I didn’t know.” He breathes.
“Then, after months of blocking everything out, I find a way to make it end, the memories I mean, and you just have to pick this time to make you're big return to my life, you swoop in and ruin everything. I should be dead now…you should have just left me go Edward.” At my words, he shudders, his eyes widen further.
He comes closer and tries to hold me again “I’m sorry Bella I-" I cut him off.
“I don’t want to hear it Edward. How many other girl have you lead on just like me? How many other girls around the world are crushed because you told them you loved them? Huh Edward? 10? 20? 30?” I pound on his chest, leaving slight dents.
“Please just let me explain-" I cut him off again.
“You have no idea Edward. You don’t get that I hate you, that I loath and detest you for what you did to me-“ His eyes get more and more sad, like my words could have any effect on him. “And yet, I would do ANYTHING to go back, to be yours again." I almost slump to the ground, but he catches me. His hand rubs my back, his touch is feather light. “I love you.” I whisper against his neck.
“I love you too.” He burries his nose in my hair and breathes in deeply. His words startle me and I look up at him wide eyed but not for long because he catches my mouth in a bittersweet kiss.
There is hope in the air and I don’t have the heart to squash it down. Right now I’m afloat. I don’t know why he left he, I don’t know if I can trust him but I love him and the rest are just technicalities. We have a second chance.