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It's Not My Choice, I Have To Go

Edward left Bella before, but that time it was his choice. This time he would do nothing rather than stay with her, but he has to go. Just a fluff idea. [One-shot]


1. It's Not My Choice, I Have To Go

Rating 5/5   Word Count 786   Review this Chapter

“I don’t want to leave you,” he whispered almost silently. I could hear the longing in his voice… I knew he wanted to stay, so badly. I didn’t want him to leave either.

“Then stay, your family is big… They have allies. Please, please don’t leave me,” I was speaking loudly: my voice wouldn’t quieten. My heart was thumping loudly enough to wake the entire neighbourhood. I knew I was being selfish: his family needed him; I couldn’t ask him to stay. And yet I had.

I thought back to those months of utter pain when he’d left… I thought of the despair, the heartbreak… Could I live through that again? And what if he didn’t come back?

I turned my head to see him looking out the window. He moved slowly from my grasp. I tried to curl my fingers around his arm, to keep my grip iron steady… But I couldn’t, “Bella… I can’t stay, I-I… I want to, more than anything but this is my family and they have been with me through thick and thin. They have fought for you and me because they would do anything for us. Now they need me to help them, and I have to risk my life, like they have risked theirs… It’s only fair.”

“Hasn’t anyone told you? – Life isn’t fair!” I pulled my lips into a smile but I’m sure it was more of a grimace, “I understand that you need to go Edward, I really do… I’m just so scared. – I wish I could go with you, I know I can’t, but I wish I could…”

Hope flickered in my eyes and I knew he’d seen it: within seconds he had plastered himself against the wall, “Bella, I can’t! There isn’t enough time: we leave tonight.”

I shook my head, “You are flying… I could finish the change on the plane, you could say I was sick…”

“No! You have no idea of the pain… What you felt in your arm when James bit you, that is everywhere, pulsating through you. It doesn’t stop… For three days that is your life, your world. It consumes you and you can’t think of anything but the pain. You’d beg me to end it, you’d beg me to end you. I could hardly handle it and my body was numb from my illness… You, your body is strong… You’ll feel everything twice as much as I did.”

I wanted to interrupt him but he wouldn’t let me, “What kind of illness would we say you have? Why would you still be flying on a commercial plane if you were that sick? Bella, think… I have to go, but you cannot. You have to stay here where it is safe.”

I knew he was right, of course he was. He was Edward Cullen and that meant he was always right, “I love you.”

“You know my life means nothing without you in it. I promise you I will stay safe, I will return to you Bella, I promise.”

I nodded, I wanted to look at him one last time before I left but I couldn’t see with all the tears in the way. I reached out my hand and he pulled me into his chest. I shook violently, the sobs taking over my body.

Finally I calmed slightly, “Edward, you better leave before I start all over again.”

He nodded. I knew he would cry if he could, wiping the tears from my face his eyes never left mine. Slowly he reached down to kiss me.

When my aching lungs refused to hold out a second longer I broke away and gasped, “Goodbye Edward.”

“No. This is not goodbye. This is ‘see you later’. Don’t you dare say goodbye to me. I am coming back. Nothing could ever keep me away from you. Like I said, you are my life now. Be safe while I’m away.”

“Mm. I’ll be just as elegant as graceful as ever,” I smiled trying to believe that we were parting just like any other day.

“I wish you’d try, just for me, to be even more graceful than ever before… If you catch my drift,” he winked and moved towards the window.

“Go! I don’t want you to miss the flight. Send me a postcard or something. Just let me know how you are. I swear I want hourly updates.”

He laughed, but didn’t reply.

I sighed. Within seconds the little dot I’d seen weaving through the dark trees had disappeared. I wondered when I’d see him next… What condition he’d been in.

Suddenly I felt a pang of guilt: I hadn’t even asked why he was leaving.