Shadows of the Sun
"He had always been my friend, from the very beginning. I had always counted on him to be there for me, to catch me when I fell. When Edward had left me the first time, he had been there to erase my pain and to comfort my fears. He had taken away the darkness and disposed of it, replacing it with the sun." Emptiness. The one thing Bella thought she would never feel again - but she did. Edward has left for the second time, and for the same reasons he had before. He backed out of their plan once and for all and has refused to turn her into a living blood-sucking monster. Bella is miserable, and she is positive this time that she'll never again feel the touch of happiness. But with Jake still in her life to patch things up, maybe things won't be so bad after all. Edward may have had the power of an eclipse, but sun can shine through almost anything...including a shattered heart.
This story is set after New Moon, after Edward left and came back, and after she finds out that Jacob is a werewolf. Edward leaves again, maybe in the middle of Elicpse, and Jacob is left to comfort her for the second time...will Bella finally realize just how much Jacob loves her?
2. Perfectly Good Heart
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Why would you wanna break a perfectly good heart?
Why would you wanna take our love and tear it all apart, now?
Why would you wanna make the very first scar?
Why would you wanna break a perfectly good heart?
I woke up to the sunlight hitting my face. Squinting, I rolled over in my bed and let out the faintest of sighs.
And then reality struck.
"Oh!" The memories of what happened last night came rushing through my head in one crazy spiral, and for a moment I was too stunned and utterly horrified to think coherently
I had leapt out of my window. Surely, I had been on drugs, because if I had been in my right mind I would have not committed suicide by performing the most unmindful of acts.
I smiled slightly to myself after discreetly remembering that Jacob, too, had asked me if I had been on drugs last night. I bit the bottom of my lip and shook my head to free myself of these inane thoughts. If I kept this up, I was seriously going to kill my competency.
I could not let that happen.
If I did, Charlie would surely notice that something was wrong, and I could not risk the chance of him finding out that I was depressed, again, for Edward leaving me. Again.
I grimaced as I said his name in my mind. Why couldn't I just get over it? Why did I have to be so miserable and heartsick and distressed?
But most importantly, why did Edward have to be so thoughtless and heart-breaking and cruel?
Because he loved me. He wanted me to have a normal, human life.
Yet, that hadn't been what I had wanted, what I had felt, or what I had so desperately needed.
He had only thought about what he had wanted, which was my life, or what he had felt, which was my heart, or what he had so desperately needed, which had been my happiness.
But I had been happy.
What he had done not only resulted in my unhappiness, but my will to live, which had been exactly what he had been attempting to save.
I sighed, this time warily, and reluctantly slid myself out of bed. Oh, Edward, I thought, glancing at my miserable self in the mirror. You're such an idiot.
No, I was an idiot for not predicting this whole charade to happen again in the first place.
Or shall we say, second place?
I growled inwardly and started to get dressed. Stupid, stupid Bella, I angrily chided myself, picking out a pair of worn out blue jeans and a long-sleeved, white fleece shirt. I threw my long, brown hair up in a pony tail, and then stared at myself unhappily in the mirror.
Could my life get any worse?
Nope, I decided with a sardonic smile, and headed towards the door.
One thing was for sure, I was definitely not going to be staying in my room the whole day, like I had yesterday. I was already afflicted enough to keep myself confined for twenty-four hours, which would only lead me to think about...
And so I did what I had wanted to do ever since last night, when Jacob had saved me from my insanity. First, apologize, and then second, thank him.
It wasn't everyday you fell into the arms of a knight in shining armor.
I pulled into Jacob's driveway with my beloved old dusted down truck, and winced as it began to sputter and cough. Great. Not only did Edward leave me, but my truck was down to its last life.
Was I going to end up losing everything?
Opening the door, I jumped out of my truck and slipped my hand in my front pockets, beginning to saunter silently towards Jacob's house. I felt a flutter stimulate in my stomach, and I frowned in disapproval.
Why the hell was I getting nervous to see my best friend?
I mentally concluded that my world was slowly but surely coming to an end.
Because honestly, I never got nervous around Jacob. Never. What would be the purpose of starting that now?
Maybe because Edward's gone and I've lost my sense of security?
Maybe. But then again, this was Jacob. I've known him longer than I had known Edward, which didn't really come down to making an inkling of sense if I was afraid of being safe around him.
Safe. With Edward, I didn't have to worry about not being safe, because I knew that he would always be there to protect me. But with Jacob...being in situations with him was always so random and unpredictable. I never knew what to expect when I was around him.
There was one thing, however, that I knew what to expect when I was with him.
He had always been my friend, from the very beginning. I had always counted on him to be there for me, to catch me when I fell. When Edward had left me the first time, he had been there to erase my pain and to comfort my fears. He had taken away the darkness and disposed of it, replacing it with the sun.
And that was exactly what he was. The sun.
My own personal sun.
I approached his doorstep and lifted my hand to knock on the door. He was there in less than a heartbeat, and I smiled as he opened the door and saw me standing there.
"Bella!" His face lit up, and he beamed at me. "I wasn't expecting you."
"You weren't?" I stepped inside the house and turned around to face him, my hands still resting in the pockets of my jeans. "I'm hurt."
Jacob grinned at me, acknowledging my customary ability in being brusque, and then frowned after remembering the events of last night. "Listen, Bella, about-"
"No, Jake, don't." Ignoring his wary expression, I continued. "I honestly can't believe I did what I did last night. You were right; I had been totally and completely moronic. But I hadn't been thinking...you know me and my ability to perform imprudent actions. It's like a daily occurrence."
To my surprise, Jake burst out laughing. "Bella," he choked out between spasms, wrapping his arms around himself as he continued to titter, and to my utter horror. "And that-"he gasped, "is why-"he inhaled a shaky breath, "-I love you."
I blinked at him. Did he just say he, I gulped, - that he loved me?
I was sure I hadn't heard right.
I stared at him in all of my complexity. "Jacob," I said slowly, stepping forward and beginning to stare him down, "I am being completely serious."
"Oh, I know." He grinned and embraced me in a huge bear hug. "Bella," he murmured softly in my ear, "My Bella. What am I going to do with you?"
I felt myself blushing. Why did he have to add the ‘my' part? Seriously, had I already suffered enough?
I horrified myself by letting out a giggle. Jacob pulled himself away to stare at me incredulously in the face. "Bella," he said slowly and articulately, "Are you okay?"
I giggled again, and this time, I couldn't stop. I continued to giggle, and giggle, and giggle, until finally I burst out into a fit of delirious laughter.
Jacob stared at me, bewildered and confused, and for the most part, scared.
"Bella," he said sternly as I fell against him and clutched his shirt for support, "Get a hold of yourself. I mean it."
But I couldn't. I really, honestly couldn't. He would have to do something in able for me to stop. Because if I didn't stop, I would surely, surely die. I was laughing that insanely hard.
A normal person would slap you. Slap you so hard and fast that you regained your composure in a heartbeat. But I should have realized that Jacob was not a normal person, because what he did not only caused me to laugh even harder, but to go completely batty.
He leaned forward and crashed his lips against mine. His lips were warm, his touch unexpectedly exhilarating. My heart sped up so fast that I began to hyperventilate, which did nothing to regain my composure.
His kiss had, no doubt, succeeded in giving me the opposite affect.
"Bella!" Jacob's eyes widened, and he began to panic. "Bella, it's okay, I'm here. Calm down." His last utterance was a demand. When he realized that I could not, in the least, calm down, he gripped me by the waist, swung me into his arms, and took me to his room.
He plopped me down on his bed and then strolled into the bathroom. Snatching a washcloth from the top shelf, he ran cool water under the faucet and waited until it was extremely frigid. Once he had the washcloth wet and freezing, he strode back into his room and slapped the washcloth gently on my smoldering forehead.
It took me awhile, but after a couple of moments of holding me against him and re-applying the cold washcloth against my head, he had managed to calm me down. Exhausted, I leaned myself against his bedpost and closed my eyes for a moment or two. When I opened them, he was staring at me, concern gleaming in his deep, compassionate eyes.
I cracked a small smile.
"Jesus, Bella." Jacob shook his head, quite obviously befuddled. "What the hell just happened?"
"I...don't know." I admitted sheepishly. "I'm sorry Jacob...sorry for everything. I really didn't mean to scare you like that."
"You don't mean to do a lot of things."
I winced at his undeniably harsh words. Staring down at my hands, I whispered numbly, "I'm sorry." Tears unmistakably sprang to my eyes, and I looked up at him, meeting his steady gaze with my own, disconcerted one.
Jacob sighed and reached out to hug me for the third time in twenty-four hours. I clung to him desperately and buried my head in his chest. He stiffened, and pulled me away.
"No. Don't." I pulled him close again. "I need you, Jacob. More than anything."
After a moment of hesitation, Jacob finally relented and whispered back in a barely audible whisper, "I know. Believe me Bella, I know."
"Then don't push me away." I lifted my head to stare pleadingly into his eyes, "Let me stay."
"Of course." Jacob whispered hoarsely.
I smiled, relieved. Jacob stood, and started towards the door to flick off the light. Just as he was about to close his bedroom door, I turned and murmured softly, "Jacob?"
He froze in the doorway and turned to stare at me.
I closed my eyes to avoid seeing his expression. Quietly, and in an attempt to settle the matter, I whispered feebly, "I love you, too."
Yet even in the darkness, and behind the shelter of my eyes, I could still feel Jacob's torment as clearly as if it was my own.