Shadows of the Sun
"He had always been my friend, from the very beginning. I had always counted on him to be there for me, to catch me when I fell. When Edward had left me the first time, he had been there to erase my pain and to comfort my fears. He had taken away the darkness and disposed of it, replacing it with the sun." Emptiness. The one thing Bella thought she would never feel again - but she did. Edward has left for the second time, and for the same reasons he had before. He backed out of their plan once and for all and has refused to turn her into a living blood-sucking monster. Bella is miserable, and she is positive this time that she'll never again feel the touch of happiness. But with Jake still in her life to patch things up, maybe things won't be so bad after all. Edward may have had the power of an eclipse, but sun can shine through almost anything...including a shattered heart.
This story is set after New Moon, after Edward left and came back, and after she finds out that Jacob is a werewolf. Edward leaves again, maybe in the middle of Elicpse, and Jacob is left to comfort her for the second time...will Bella finally realize just how much Jacob loves her?
4. The Way You Make Me Feel
Rating 4.5/5 Word Count 1498 Review this Chapter
Lately I've been wandering
Off the narrow path
You've given me so many things that I've never had
And all in all I know it's you that always pulls me through
If you reach deep inside you'll see my heart is true
I grinned triumphantly and cried, "You lose!"
"What?!" Jacob looked on at me defiantly, "I named one."
"Africa isn't a state, it's a continent." I remarked with a roll of my eyes. "God Jake, how old are you?"
"Physically, I'm twenty five. Beat that." Jake smirked smugly.
"Yeah, not to mention totally lacking in the brains department," I teased.
"Shut up, Bells." He glared at me playfully and I laughed.
Right now we were in his house, and we were both sitting on top of the washer and dryer waiting for the laundry to be done. After a bitch load of pleas and a hell of a lot of persuasion, Jake had finally convinced me to help him with his laundry. At first, I had been hesitant. I mean, this was Jake we were talking about. I had rarely taken trips to his bedroom, and if so, only occasionally, but each time I had it had been a nightmare. Clothes were strewn everywhere; socks were hanging from quite possibly the ceiling, and everything was just a chaotic mess.
I truly must be his best friend if I had the nerve, let alone the tolerance, to deal with such a catastrophe. How could he live in such a mess? It was simply mind-boggling. I glanced sideways at him and noticed that he had fallen asleep with his head leaning against the wall, and his mouth slightly hanging open. I shook my head and let out a sigh. Curling my legs Indian-style, I leaned my own head against the wall in back of me and watched Jacob as he slept, having nothing else particularly better to do.
His face was so angelic when he was sleeping soundly, and deeply. I could see the rise and fall of his chest as he continued to breathe in and out, in and out...reminding me of the rhythm of the waves that crashed in and out against the shore. The sunlight flickered through the window, dancing across his face like shadows. Compelled to touch him, I reached out and brushed my fingers softly against his cheek, where I could feel the soft, almost baby texture of his skin. I quickly exhaled and drew back, wondering why I was feeling so intrigued by him all of a sudden. Perhaps it was just the way he looked in the sun...
Or maybe it wasn't that at all. Maybe I was...I grimaced as I thought of the phrase, falling in love. I couldn't be falling in love...I missed Edward too much. Edward had been my life, my soul, my every being and everything else in between...but Jacob? What exactly did he, my best friend, mean to me?
And why couldn't I figure it out?
"Bells? Bells? ...Bells?"
I moved restlessly. Where the hell were these bells? I couldn't hear them...there were no where around me...
I jerked awake, looking about wildly. "Edward?" My heart started to race, and a smile flew across my face.
"No...It's Jake. Sorry to disappoint you."
"Oh..." I blinked the sleepiness out of my eyes and smiled apologetically in Jake's direction. "Sorry...I don't usually do that."
Jake snorted. "Sure you don't."
I rolled my eyes and hopped off the washer. "Wow," I put my hand on my butt and didn't feel a thing. "That was not the best spot to take a nap."
"Agreed," Jake winced as he turned. "Ouch, my spine."
"Wimp," I bent down and opened the washer, beginning to get out all of the clothes. I gasped when I felt Jacob playfully slap my butt, sending my head straight into the washer.
"Ow! Jake!" I spit out one of his socks and heard his booming laughter from right behind me. If these clothes weren't already clean...I thought to myself, picking myself out of the washer and spinning around to face him. Jacob Black would be dead right now.
"You so will wish you hadn't had done that," I growled, stalking towards him.
His eyes widened and he began stepping back. "Now, Bells...I was only kidding...I didn't actually think you would land inside the washer like that..."
I mimicked his previous statement, stepping closer. "Sure, you didn't."
"No, really, Bells...wait...I didn't mean-"
He finished his sentence with a shriek, for my hands had already found the sensitivity of his sides. He collapsed against the wall, hollering profanities as I continued to tickle his sides, his stomach, his neck - everywhere. He so deserved this horrible punishment after I had endured a hard smack to the ass and a mouthful of his laundry that I had so cruelly been forced to do.
After I had finished attacking him with my fingers, I leaned away and sat down on the floor, a cool smile spreading across my lips. "There. Now we've even."
Breathing heavily, Jacob leaned against me, physically exhausted. "Damn it Bells, you have some mad tickling skills."
I grinned. "Why, thank you."
"Did you ever tickle Edward like that?"
"Who, Edward?" I laughed humorlessly. "No. He was never really ticklish."
"I don't know...vampires aren't really like humans so I guess they don't feel the same way as we do."
"I wonder..." Jake trailed off, and then shook his head. "Nah."
"What?" I looked at him, curious.
"Well, you said that vampires can't feel like humans...I just wondered what Edward felt when he kissed you, compared to what I felt..."
I glanced down at my lap, a blush appearing on my cheeks. "I don't know...but when Edward kissed me, it was like-" I stopped when I saw Jacob's pained expression. "Oh, sorry."
"No, it's okay. I want to know."
I closed my eyes to avoid looking into his eyes. "I felt...like I was the luckiest girl alive. Like no one could touch me, just as long as Edward was there. I felt safe. Secure." I opened them finally, but still need not look at his face. "I felt like...his." I whispered.
I knew that the look on Jake's face would be heart-breaking. And it frustrated me to know end, just knowing that every day I would only pain him more by talking about Edward, thinking about Edward...even him knowing that I missed Edward was softly killing him inside. I could tell, I could see it in his eyes every time I simply gazed into them.
"Jake, I'm sorry." Tears sprang to my eyes, and I quickly leapt up, sprinting towards the door. I didn't want to cause Jake anymore pain. He didn't deserve it, not one bit...
He stopped me at the door, his tall, strong build blocking my way out. Tears started to roll down my cheeks, despite my constant effort to keep them from building. I shoved at him, hard, but all to no avail.
"Please, just...let me go. You don't deserve what I'm doing to you. Don't you understand Jake? I will never stop loving Edward!"
Jake took both of my wrists in his hands, pushed me gently against his chest, and wrapped me in a warm, forgiving embrace. "Bella, I know. I know what you mean," he murmured softly against my ear, "I understand the fact that you might never stop loving Edward. But Bella...I will never stop loving you. Try to understand that, please, before you go all ‘Crazy Bells' on me."
"But...Jake..." I tried to squirm out of his grasp.
The werewolf didn't budge.
"Sssh, just appreciate the moment Bells. Me, loving you. You, loving Edward. It's never going to change. But Bella...I won't stop you from loving me. That is one thing out of many that sets me apart from your bloodsucker."
I sighed and murmured, "You're never going to give up, are you?"
"Nope," he chuckled softly and started playing with a strand of my hair, "And eventually you're going to have to realize that."
"I think I've realized that now," I mumbled.
"Good. Now that we have that settled..." He swooped down and landed a sweet, tantalizing kiss on my mouth. "...I'll leave you to think about that while I sort out my laundry."
As he strolled back towards the laundry room, whistling a tune, I stared at the door in front of me, speechless.
After a moment of stunned silence, I crossed my arms and huffed. Damn you Jake, I thought crossly, beginning to stomp back towards my best friend that would no doubt be needing my assistance. Why the hell did he have to kiss me and make me feel...
Everything. Nothing. And quite possibly everything in between...
I gasped, and my eyes widened with the sudden realization.
I was falling in love with Jacob Black.
‘Cause I hate the way I feel tonight
And I know I need you in my life
Yes I hate the way I feel inside
And I promise to make the sacrifice