Hero of War
A one shot for now, but in two parts. Back story is the Cullen's run into a pack of Children of the Moon and chaos ensues. During the final fight between the wolves and the Cullen's and the La Push kids, Nessie gets caught in the crossfire. Jake saves her, but at what cost?
1. I dreamed I was missing
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It felt like a part of my soul dissapeared. It took an instant, less time then it took to breath or to blink and some part of me was ripped away violently. I had never known such a pain - my vision blurred and the world stopped. It was like someone - in the process of taking the part of my soul - had turned out the lights. Waves of terrible cold froze me to the bone and the voices - my mother and father, snarls and roars of the wolves - they were muffled by the dark, heavy silence that enveloped me, pulling me under. I couldn't find the strength to fight the black and it gently reached for me. The dark promised that this wasn't real. It whispered sweet nothings in my ears that I could barely hear over the desperate pounding of my own heart. My heart. I could hear it, but I couldn't feel it. It was phantom almost, like it had been there once but now there was suddenly nothing. My body was shaking - I could feel that much through the black haze and the pain that sprang from my chest, spreading over my torso and weighed down on my chest. It crushed the air from my lungs but I couldn't remember how to breathe anyway. My breath came in short halting gasps and some far away voice begged for me to resurface, to fight my way back from the black.
NESSIE. BABY PLEASE OH PLEASE.
Dry, tearless sobs, hard, cold hands shaking me. I am already shaking - you don't need to shake me too! I felt like I was breaking apart from the inside out - trembling, freezing from the hollow where my heart belonged, drowning in the pain that consumed me. Another voice - softer.
Bella you'll hurt her, we have to get her to Carlisle.
Bella. Carlisle. Those names meant something and I swallowed salty tears as they landed on my lips. Hot tears, scalding tears. My name. Nessie. That meant something too.
Alice, she is going to die! Tell me - can this kill her?
Hysteria. This won't kill me - if it could, it wouldn't hurt. I wish I could die. It would be easy, simple. Then I could be with him. Oh god - my chest felt like it was being ripped open. Him. It felt like someone was taking a rusty crowbar and prying apart my ribcage. I heard a scream. A terrible, heartbreaking, dying scream.
NESSIE PLEASE BABY IT'S DADDY. YOU MUST WAKE UP. YOU MUST FIGHT THIS. WE CANNOT LOOSE YOU. NOT YOU TOO.
Too? We were a package deal, daddy. There is no me without... He.... Dead.So much for saving me. You signed my death warrent. How can I live in this world when you are gone? What is living without your soul? How can you go on when your heart is gone?
ALICE WHAT DO YOU SEE? YOU HAVE TO SEE SOMETHING. OUR DAUGHTER, ALICE, PLEASE.
We need to reach her, Edward. The grief is killing her.
My mother, crying without tears. She is able to speak again, her voice is faint and muffled to me.
Carlisle! You're here, thank god you are here. Please, help her, bring her back, do something, anything! I don't know anything about Imprinting or death of an Imprint -
I don't want to hear this. Death. Death of an Imprint. He is dead. He is gone. I can't listen to this, stop it. Please, make it stop. Can you die from heartbreak? Am I dying, Auntie Alice?
A growl, a pained moan, a granite hand gripping the trunk of a tree. The tree looses, and cracks under the white fingers.
We need to st-stop this. The pain is - I can't take this....
Uncle Jasper. Oh. Oh, forgive me. I can't stop this, it won't go away. There I go again, hurting the people I love.
Oh, daddy, how are you so brave?
Take Jasper, Alice - they will just keep magnifying the hurt off of eachother.
A command, an order, not a request. It's true, and I don't want to hurt Jasper anymore.
I am sorry, Edward. I.... I hope she will be okay.
What are you sorry for? Did you kill him? No, no, you didn't. Don't be sorry, Auntie. I'm sorry. Somehow, this is my fault. He is dead, and I'm alive. Thats enough. Footsteps. They are gone - she can't see me being being okay and he can't stand to be near me. Stupid dog. My beloved, stupid, mutt. Anger now, in a beautiful voice. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I register movement. Carlisle must be taking me home. Home? Home is no where, home is nothing, home is dead. Daddy is angry. But why?
How dare he do this? How dare he leave? We have to do something, maybe if we just-
Mommy, my hero. She know's best. But I can hardly hear her now - the dark is taking me. I don't want to fight it.
Only she can bring herself back - I have been where she is and it's dark and broken and numb.
He can bring her back!
He is dead.
Silence. Not even my father can argue the truth. He could fight the black for me. He could take the pain away. He could find my heart again. But.... He is dead. That is why it hurts, isn't it? Thats whats broken. He could bring me back but no one can bring him back. Jake. Jacob. Why did you have to be the hero? Strong arms clutch me and rock me - it doesnt matter that my mother and I are the same size. A musical voice whispers words that don't mean anything and long fingers weave through my curls. Daddy. Mommy. I'm sorry, but I can't come back. Back is the place where he isn't.
Carlisle, you must do something, please.
I have never heard my daddy scared - he never gets scared.
I don't... I don't know what we can do. I've never seen this before - its like she has retreated into herself. She isn't sick, Edward, I can't heal this. I'm sorry, my son, I don't... I don't know how to help.
He always knows what to do. Now he doesn't. The voices fade into nothing, like radio with bad reception. Even the cold, strong arms - they cease to exist. I am floating, alone, in the dark. Just me and my empty heart.
There is time in the black. Measured in ragged breathes and broken sobs.
It passes - cruel and unevenly, it passes.
Sometimes, there are voices. Words, pleas. They don't mean anything and I fall back to the nothingness.
The burn in my throat returns - how long has it been now? 8 million, seven thousand, four hundred and thirty two beats of a hollow heart. Thirst? Is that it? No. I don't even care about that. Nothing matters, not even that.
I am used to the black now. It comforts me, makes me numb. I don't think I ever want to wake up. It's peaceful here. It is painless here. Suddenly, the hole in my chest isn't there. As if it never was.
Hot. Burning hot, scalding hot. I can take it at first, but then....
Then its too much and I can't. The heat touches my skin and holds me close. He was warm. He was something that wasn't cold. Cold. Cold is what I remember and cold is what I have become. And then, there is heat. Where is it coming from? I don't understand. Heat in the form of a strong, massive hand. Calloused and hot, gripping my body that seems to have faded into nothing with the rest of me.
Wake up. Wake up. C'mon - you are the daughter of Bella, when'd she ever give up? And honestly, that leech was always stubborn - you have to wake up now, Ness. You gotta wake up because you don't belong here.
Jacob? Hot arms lifting me, holding me. Hot whispers on my ears, russet skin on white, long black hair and a stupid, stupid smile. He is here with me, in the black, holding me like he never went away. How can he be here?
Jake? You're dead. What are you doing here? Am I dead? Am I with you now? Forever?
Don't be stupid, Ness, you gotta get up now. You aren't gonna die. You are going to live forever, and you are going to be happy, understand?
Happy. What is happiness when you are gone? I don't even know if you are real, but I don't want to leave this place, where you are.
I'm real, in you. As long as you are alive, I am alive somehow, in some way. I always will be because you live and without me there is no you. So, don't die. Because then I have to go and never come back.
I am making you up then?
Hah, like you could do that! Make me up? I'm too cool for that, you know. Don't flatter yourself. But you know, its time to wake up now. You're thirsty, and everyone is worried. If you die... I'll kill you myself!
Now who is stupid?
Please, Nessie? Please, baby? I need you to wake up, for me. I know it hurts, but you just need to. Open your eyes, its easy. It's not all that hard and the hurt goes away. Bells needs you. Hell, Edward needs you. They all do. I need you to be okay.
I can't be okay!
Yes, you can. You can be okay. You will be okay.
He is smiling now. What a stupid mutt. Smiling and stroking my hair and holding me close. I wrap my arms around his neck.
I don't want to let go, I don't want to be okay.
I know. I know, baby. But you have too. Cause... this black isn't for you, understand? This place - this place is empty and you don't belong here. Tell me you love me, Nessie?
I love you. I love you, Jacob, I love you and I want to die. That's how much I love you. I will love you until it kills me.
It is killing you, baby. I have to go. It is time for me, I can't stay here anymore. But, I can only go if you promise to wake up. Promise?
NO. NO, YOU CAN'T LEAVE. PLEASE. PLEASE.
Why give me back part of my soul just to take it away?!