Text Size Large SizeMedium SizeSmall Size    Color Scheme Black SchemeWhite SchemeGrey SchemePaper Scheme        

Catatonic

Summary:
After Edward left in New Moon Bella couldn't recover. She refused to get out of bed and never became friends with Jacob. She continued to get worse until Charlie was forced to get her some professional help. What will happen when she wakes up? Will she go back to life as normal? Will she ever see the Cullens again? Read and find out! I know that there so many stories out there about what would happen if Edward never came back. This is my take, please give it a chance! Please rate and review!!!!!


Notes:
If you have read my bio then you know that I'm very busy. I am writing this story as I go, so please be patient if you are waiting for updates. I promise to post them as quickly as my schedule allows. With that being said, please feel free to give me any ideas that you may have or anything that you may want contained in the story. I will do my best if it fits with the plot in my head. This is the first fanfiction that I have ever written so please let me know if you like it or not. If you don't, thats fine; but I would appreciate constructive criticism instead of full on flames. Thank You. Please read and enjoy!


1. Awake

Rating 5/5   Word Count 4017   Review this Chapter

CHAPTER 1 - Awake

My eyes started to come into focus but they stung like I hadn't used them for ages. What happened? How long was I sleeping? I couldn't remember when I had fallen asleep, or where, my mind was a complete blank. As I continued to take in my surroundings, I started to make out shapes and shadows. Nothing looked familiar so I closed my eyes, hoping that I would be able to see again without the pain. What happened to me? Where was I?

I started to rub my eyes to make the pain go away and get them into focus faster. This is when I noticed the plastic bracelet on my wrist; it was worn and starting to peel open along one edge. I must be in the hospital; I wondered what I did to get myself stuck in here this time. I could be so clumsy. Maybe I hit my head, which would explain my memory loss. I didn't feel any pain, other than my eyes, but that was slowly fading as the room was starting to come into focus. I could start to make out a bedside table, but there was nothing on it, not even a phone. What kind of hospital didn't have a phone in the room? I continued to look around to find more clues as to where I might be - this sure didn't look like Forks Hospital.

Other than the bedside table the only other thing in the room was the bed that I was lying on and a clock on the opposite wall that read 11:00, it must be night because there was no light coming in from my window. I sat up in the hope of finding more familiar furniture and possibly some of my things to help me feel at ease with this strange new room. This was a huge mistake. As I sat up, I felt a surge of pain flow through my body centering in my lower back. My arms, legs, and neck felt about as strong as spaghetti and tingled as I tried to maneuver myself into a more comfortable position. I must've been asleep for a long time. The pain reached my head and it began to throb.

The pain was dizzying; I had to lie back down. As the room spun in front of me, I reached behind my back to steady myself back into a laying position and ended up falling back with a thud. This weakness was going to take some getting used to. I'm sure that however I hurt myself this time; it must've been really bad. I still couldn't remember what happened and I didn't want to try to think through the pain of this headache.

I lye there for a while with my eyes closed trying to relax my body again hoping that the pain would die down. Soon memories were flooding through my consciounceness...

Charlie was sitting next to my bed. He looked so much older than I remembered, the wrinkles beside his eyes were more defined and he had a little less hair. He was crying and mumbling something that I couldn't make out. I felt his hand on mine and he leaned toward me. As he kissed me on the head he said, "I'm so sorry Bells. I just didn't know what else to do. I love you so much. Please wake up. Please. I miss you. I know you can make it through this, you have to make it through this." Then he leaned back in his chair still holding my hand and let out a loud sigh. This was not a sigh of relief, but one of pain, sorrow and anxiety.

A woman I don't remember ever seeing before suddenly walked into the room. "Mr. Swan, I'm sorry but visiting hours are over in 15 minutes. I will look after Isabella and if anything changes I will call you immediately."

Charlie only nodded not looking away from me.

After the woman left the room Charlie leaned over me again and kissed my forehead. "I promise to visit you as much as possible. I love you. Please get better."

As I became more aware of my surroundings, I felt a huge wave of sadness wash over me. I somehow knew that this actually happened; although when, I had no idea. I felt horrible for making Charlie so distraught; it wasn't like him to speak his feelings at all, especially as he had in my waking memory. Whatever had compelled him to gush like that must've made him feel hopeless. My heart went out to him and I felt the sudden urge to let him know that I was better now. I had to stop his pain.

I looked around the room again, but nothing had changed. I had to let someone know that I was okay so they could call Charlie. I know that he must still be worrying about me and I need to relieve that pain as soon as possible. I stretched my arms in front of me trying to regain my strength, and then I stretched my legs pointing my toes out and rotating my ankles. This helped a little, I was still so sore, but at least the tingling feeling was starting to leave my limbs.

Slowly at first, I sat up. The pain was much duller this time. This pain I could deal with, it was more of soreness, probably from the lack of use in my muscles. My eyes were now almost completely focused and I took a good look at the dreadfully empty room that I was in.

The floors were old tile like any hospital, they were white with grey and black specks, but they looked a little dingy from long time use, there were black scuffs in a trail from the door to my bed. The walls were a boring shade of off white; they were bare except for the clock hanging on the wall across from my bed. One of the walls had a crack that started in the corner above the window and stretched for about 3 feet diagonally toward the center of the window. The ceiling looked like white peg board rectangles connected together. There was a fluorescent light in the center of the ceiling that was letting out a low buzzing sound, and there was a small hole in the corner above the crack in the wall.

This room was dreadfully depressing. As I took it in, my eyes came into full focus and I noticed scuffs and nicks in all four walls, the wall behind my bed even had a slight indent in the center of it about the size of a grown man's arm. This room has definitely seen some hard times. I looked toward the window again and noticed the curtains were long, grey, heavy drapes. They were slightly open to reveal power cords and trees in the distance. I must be on a high floor, probably the third from my judgment in the size of the trees outside. There was a slight orange glow from a light somewhere nearby outside.

I was in a hurry to put Charlie's mind at ease so I needed to find someone who could call him. Stepping off the bed carefully I held tightly to the side of my bed for support. As my bare feet met the cold floor, my knees faltered at first, but I was soon able to gain control before I fell onto the floor. I waited until I was sure that I had complete control of my balance before making another move. I'm not sure what I had done to end up here, but I was sure that I better be careful if I planned on leaving anytime soon.

I slowly staggered my way to the door praying for the balance that I had always seemed to lack. I had to concentrate on every step and movement individually to make my body react; it felt like I was moving in slow motion. By the time I made it to the door of my room I could feel that my legs and feet were starting to feel a little more flexible from the exercise. Maybe with some physical therapy I would be as good as new. But lets not get ahead of myself, I thought glumly, I sill had no idea what happened to me that landed me here.

I tried to open the door, but it was locked. I jiggled the handle slightly, but still nothing. Why would the hospital lock me in my room? There was a small window in the door just high enough that I had to stand on my toes to see out of it. I peered out the small, smudged window into the hallway. The hallway was lined with lights like the one in my room. The walls were the same ugly color and were even more bare then the ones in my room. I couldn't hear anyone or see anyone in the hallway. Where was everybody? I tried to call for help, but my voice came out as a hoarse whisper that even I could barely hear. This caused a dry ache in my throat and I started to gag. My throat was so dry; it felt like I hadn't had anything to drink for days. I tried to rub my tongue against the top of my mouth to get some saliva flowing, but my mouth was too dry to produce any. I started to gag again slightly, but nobody came to help me. Surely they had to have heard my loud coughing and gagging.

This was getting really weird. I walked back to my bed a little faster than I had left it, at least it didn't feel like slow motion anymore. If I continued to use my muscles maybe it would get easier and I wouldn't need physical therapy. I looked at the railings on the side of my bed in search of the nurse call button. If I couldn't make it to them, I was determined to get one of them to come to me. Surely they couldn't ignore the call light like they had my gagging. Besides they had to let Charlie know that I was okay. To my dismay there was no nurse's call button, only metal railings. How was I supposed to get anyone's attention? I sat back on the bed and stretched my arms out as far as I could. Hopefully this would get my blood flowing and I could think a little clearer. There had to be a reason that I was locked in a room without any contact to the outside world.

As I let my legs swing nervously over the side of the bed, something scratched the side of my foot. I leaned over the edge of the bed to get a better look at what could be underneath. I found a long black Velcro strap. I carefully slid off the bed again and slowly got down on my hands and knees. When I found another set of the same Velcro straps near the end of the bed, realization dawned on me. This isn't a regular hospital. What had I done? Had I hurt someone?

I crawled the two feet to the bedside table in hopes of finding something of my own, something that would hopefully comfort me. When I got to it I slid the top drawer open a little too quickly and the corner of it hit me in my chin. My chin started to throb, but I ignored it, knowing I could deal with it later. The drawer was empty. I hungrily opened the second and last drawer, this one contained a Bible. This definitely wasn't mine; it was probably left by the last occupant of the room. I felt so alone, with nothing and no one of my own.

I rubbed my chin and checked my hand to see if I was bleeding. No blood and the throbbing was already fading away. Hopefully there wouldn't be a bruise.

I jumped onto my feet ignoring the pain that shot up my entire body starting at my ankles, and stumbled as fast as I could to the small window in my room that looked outside. The moon was shining brightly from high in the sky through the dingy glass, but immediately I was faced with exactly what I had expected, but hoped not to find. Bars were on my window blocking my only way of escape. There is no way out of this place!! As I looked closer the window itself was also sealed shut. Did they think that the bars weren't enough? This isn't a hospital, it's a fortress, and I am their prisoner!

I took a look at the building that I was in. I was right; my room was on the third floor. I could see where the building turned and I took in how enormous it was. In total the building was five stories high and had brick walls. There were other brick buildings nearby, they were slightly smaller, but they were obviously made to match the one that I was in.

How did I end up here? I have no idea what I did, but who would've put me here? Charlie would've helped me, he would've prevented this! But then I remembered him visiting me here. Although he didn't look happy, he knew that I was here and didn't try to help me get out. The room began to spin again so I walked back over to my bed and sat down gingerly at first. As my head began to slowly stop spinning, I scooted onto the bed and pulled my knees to my chest. I needed to remember what happened that caused me to end up here...

I was lying in my bed at home in Forks staring at the ceiling with tears streaming down my face. I felt empty and just wanted to sleep but for some reason I couldn't. That's when I heard Charlie downstairs in a heated conversation with someone.

"I've told you a thousand times!" Charlie exclaimed. "I refuse to send Bella away! She is my daughter and I can help her through this!"

"I know that you want the best for Bella, Charlie," a familiar voice said cautiously. "But I think that only professionals can help her now. It was too traumatic for her when he left."

"If he ever comes near her again, he's mine," Charlie growled.

"I understand, but that isn't why I'm here today. I will continue to help you in anyway that I can, but Bella needs help. Help that you aren't equipped to give her."

"What are my options Dr. Perry?"

"Well the best option is Western State Hospital. It's in Steilacoom, so I know that it is quite a drive, but it is the Mental Institution for all of Western Washington. They are perfectly equipped to get her out of this safely. She would need to be admitted, but you could visit her as often as you wished on the ward that they would place her on."

"Are there any other options? Somewhere closer maybe?" Charlie begged.

"No, not any that is as well staffed as Western State. I've already talked to them, Charlie. They have room for her and I know the man that would be assigned as her doctor. We went to the University of Washington together, he's a good man. He can be trusted and if anyone can get Bella better, it's him."

It was quiet for a few minutes; I started to think that they had gone outside.

Then Charlie spoke, it was muffled, "Okay, when should I have her ready?"

How could Charlie put me in a mental institution?! Did Renee know that I was here? What did I do wrong? Wasn't I a good daughter? What would make them so hopeless that they just gave up on me and left me here? What have I done? Who was it that Dr. Perry said left?

I was so angry at Charlie. I know that he was backed into a corner, but I had always thought that he would stand up for me. Why hadn't he said anything to me about it, maybe I would've woken up? But, the more I thought about it though, I knew that I wouldn't have woken out of my stupor because I had known what was going on, on some level, and I still chose to remain the same.

I needed to know what happened to me that would cause this horrible chain of events. I thought as hard as I could, focusing on my question as I sorted through my memories. The memory that burst its way into the front of my mind was strange, but I knew that I had to sort through everything in my mind until I found it.

I was in the forest near my house in Forks and I saw the leaves on a small vine maple shudder with a light unnatural breeze. As I watched the leaves in my memory I realized that someone had run off, run away from me. This was the person that didn't want me; this is the person that I wasn't good enough for. It was Edward.

I remember his words clearly as if he had just spoken them to me...

"I'm no good for you Bella... My world is not for you... I don't want you to come with me... I'm tired of pretending to be something that I'm not... I let this go on for too long and I'm sorry for that... you're not good for me... I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me, I won’t come back... I won't put you through anything like this again... you can go on with your life without anymore interference from me it will be as if I never existed... we won't bother you again... goodbye Bella."

As I remembered the leaves going still again my body began to shake and I collapsed into my pillow. My face, hospital gown, and pillow were almost instantly soaked as if caught in a Fork's rain storm. But unlike in the rain, an umbrella couldn't protect me; I was drenched with my own tears of disbelief and pain. With my entire being shaking uncontrollably, I curled into a tight ball in my bed. He was gone, my love, my life, my meaning had already come to an end. Edward didn't want me and I would never see him again.

I always knew that I wasn’t good enough for Edward, he was just so perfect. He was beautiful and intelligent, talented and loving. Well except for me, he didn't love me, and how could he? I was so plain and pathetically clumsy. I had no special talents or gifts, I was utterly dull. In fact, I knew that I was lucky that he even noticed me in the first place; I didn't deserve someone as great as Edward.

Without Edward I lost my will to live, my will to exist. He didn’t want me; he said that I’m not good for him. I already knew that he could come to his senses someday, but I had prayed that day would never rear its ugly head. When I was with Edward my life was so perfect everything seemed to fall into place, I didn't need anything else because I knew I would be happy with him for the rest of my life as long as he was there. He became the reason for my existence, the center of my universe.

He was tired of pretending to love me. Why did he even bother in the first place?

Not only did Edward leave me to live my miserable mortal life without him, but he took away my best friend too. Why did Alice leave too? Was it because he made her? She was my best friend, and although Edward was her brother, I had hoped that she would stick up for me. She had other times, like when Edward and I disagreed about him changing me into a vampire so I could spend eternity with him. I guess that now I know why he didn't want to change me, he didn't want to be stuck with me for all eternity. Couldn’t she stand up to him, or was she just as willing to leave me behind without so much as a goodbye? This didn't seem like the Alice that I knew and loved, but it didn't seem like the same Edward either. I wish I had stayed in my stupor; this wasn’t what anyone should wake up to.

Now I’m alone without family, friends, or the love of my life. I am being held prisoner in a mental institution by people that I don't know and can never trust; because everyone that I have trusted up to this point has let me down in a major way. Edward left me and didn't love me anymore, Charlie put me in this place, and Alice left along with the rest of the Cullen family without even saying goodbye. What was the point of going on? I could just stay here and try to fit in with the other insane residents. At least I would have some privacy and not have to deal with the struggles of the outside world. But then another vision came to the front of my mind…

A short, husky man entered my hospital room. He had greasy, brown hair hanging in his eyes and a mustache. He was wearing dark green hospital scrubs and had keys hanging out of his pocket. As he approached my bedside I could smell the faint scent of old spice and cigarettes. Suddenly he was inches away from my face, breathing heavily, saying,"Hey babe, I can’t wait for you to wake up, then we can have some real fun!"

His hand slid under my hospital gown and caressed the inside of my thigh, but for some reason I didn’t move; I wanted to get up and run as fast as I could away from him, maybe even try to hit him, but my body refused to react. He reminded me of the men in Port Angeles that had tried to attack me, but Edward wasn't here to save me this time. He never would be again. How long could I survive without Edward? The man came in closer and kissed me. This kiss was nothing like Edward’s; it contained no passion or affection, only lust. He slid his tongue across my lips, but thankfully they were shut tight. All I could do was lay there, I couldn't move a muscle. "You’re gonna get it and you probably don’t even know it yet." He smiled but at that moment I could hear a woman screaming from another room down the hallway. He must've heard it too because he turned and left my room at a quick jog.

I was disgusted and scared. Why couldn’t I move away from that vile man when he touched and even kissed me? Maybe it was the same reason that I hadn't been able to comfort Charlie when he came to visit me. Why was that woman screaming? Was someone touching her too? I knew one thing for sure; I had to get out of here as fast as possible. But how?

I heard footsteps approaching my door. I straightened up quickly, wiping the tears from my eyes and face as I adjusted my blankets and made it look like I had always been in my bed. I am definitely not letting anyone know that I'm awake yet. It just doesn't feel safe.