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Desperate

Summary:
I know there's a few of those stories where either Jacob or Leah imprint on someone in another pack but this is different. What if imprinting doesn't always grant happiness and love? The night Leah Clearwater imprinted she was desperate to be rid of her love for Sam. Her imprint's name is Nick and he's a werewolf from another pack in the east. He's dealing with a pain that may be just as great as hers. She's dedicated to her imprint and he to her but neither of them feel the love that's supposed to come with imprinting. Sometimes even imprinting can't cure a broken heart. Can they fall in love the normal way? On top of all of this the soul mate and imprint of one of Leah's pack brothers is killed by a fellow werewolf. The pain and guilt is tearing her pack apart. Somehow it all keeps getting worse from there. Is there really such thing as happily ever after? Or is life just agony and sadness? So I decided I loved this banner best! It was made by my lovely beta Delenda!


Notes:
I know what you're thinking... 'WHAT she's writing ANOTHER story even though she's in the middle of two!' Well... I'm stuck, in both of my stories. So I started this one! I was just listening to Desperate by David Archuleta and I started to think about Leah. So this story popped into my head and I wrote it down. And I do not own the Twilight series obviously. I know there's a disclaimer at the bottom of this site but I like to be safe and put it in here anyways. Enjoy!


11. Chapter 11: Inhuman

Rating 0/5   Word Count 1835   Review this Chapter


Chapter 11: Inhuman

My tears run down like razorblades
And no, I'm not the one to blame
It's you ' or is it me?
And all the words we never say
Come out and now we're all ashamed
And there's no sense in playing games
When you've done all you can do

But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back
But it's over

In my mind I wondered if it was humanly possible to survive through so many heart breaks. Surly I had passed the point where the pain would come unbearable. My agony wasn't nearly has horribly intoxicating as when Sam hurt me. This was so much worse. It felt other worldly, like something beyond the simple despair most girls in this situation got.

Of course I wasn’t human, not completely anyways. I was a werewolf, which made me pause and wonder if our stronger emotions intensified, for certain emotions like hate, pain and love. Once I’d let go of my human love for Sam and the imprinting feelings really set in, my love for Nick wasn’t human so I supposed that my pain over him would logically be considered inhuman.

I sighed. All of this complex thinking was giving me a headache on top of my heartbreak. I lay lazily on the couch, where Nick had once slept, inhaling his scent like it was a drug. I’d been doing this for five days. I hardly ever did anything. I ordered pizza, rented tons of heart-breaker movies, and ate all the junk food known to man. I was an emotional wreck.

I couldn’t get Nick out of my mind. Every time I closed my eyes, I would perfectly see his big understanding brown eyes, his encouraging smile, his black shaggy hair, and his warm strong hands. I could remember what it was like to feel him so close and wish that I could touch him, but I never did.

“Leah! I know you're in there!!” My mind snapped back to the blasted reality that we are all forced it live in, and I realized someone was pounding on the door. I ignored whoever had come to visit, I was just too depressed to talk to anyone. But with my mind stuck in my Nick fantasy, I had forgotten to lock the door and whoever was out there finally figured that out.

It was Jake.

“Hello Jacob,” I said dully. “How’s your little 'imprint' Renesmee?”I asked, purposely saying imprint to let my mind flash an image of Nick. His large biceps and muscles.....his warm smile, and witty comments.....

“She’s doing much better. Would you like to explain what the heck you think you’re doing?” he asked, gesturing at the mess of empty ice cream cartons, and empty oily pizza packaged.

“I’m lying on a couch. I thought that would be obvious.” I sneered sarcastically ignoring his shocked expressions.

He stared at me for a minute then shook his head. “The others said he left and you weren’t taking it well.”

“Whatever.” I didn’t know what else to say.

“I understand…” he started.

“No.” I interrupted sharply. “No you don’t understand. You think it’s like Sam all over again right? Wrong. This is different, so different. Imagine how you’d feel if Nessie was older and you loved her and you thought she loved you. Now imagine her looking at you with disgust and yelling that she doesn’t want you, that she’d rather be with anyone else. How would you feel then huh?” I could feel the tears finally starting to come.

I hadn’t cried since he left but suddenly what I had said hit me. I curled up into a ball and sobbed. This is what I get for letting my heart win, for giving into the pull of the imprint. I was so stupid.

Jacob sat down next to me and patted my back awkwardly. He looked sad, confused, and mad at the same time.

“He really said that to you?” he finally asked.

“Yeah,” I whimpered.

“What a jerk.”

“Please don’t.” I couldn’t stand for Jacob to insult Nick. “It’s all my fault. I got so mad. I was losing control. It told him to go. I said that I… that I hated him!”

Jacob frowned. “I still don’t get how he could leave his imprint. I could never imagine leaving Nessie.”

“It was never the same for us.” I admitted, wiping my nose with my sleeve, and saw him look with disgust at my clothes and hair. “I didn’t tell anyone and I did all I could not to even think about it. I wanted everyone to think I was actually happy for the fist time. Truly happy, but it was a lie. He never loved me, and he never will.”

“How could you not be happy? What do you mean it was different?” he asked.

“I didn’t love him. I still loved Sam.” I explained. “Without the love the imprinting pull wasn’t anywhere near as strong. It was enough that we desired each others presence and we longed to make each other happy, but it wasn’t out of love, more like… duty.”

“But if you don’t love him why do you care so much that he’s gone?” Jacob wondered.

“Because I do love him,” I whispered.

“But you just said…”

“Gosh Jacob Black! Will you just shut up and listen already? I was about to explain!” I growled.

He grinned.

“Like I was saying, I do love him. The more time I spent with him the more he healed me. The day I realized I was completely over Sam and I loved Nick with all I had, was, " grimaced," was the day the full effects of imprinting set in. Just I like I felt I should have from the beginning. I understood the way Sam felt about Emily. That was also the day he left.” I trembled at those words.

“So does he know how you feel?” Jacob inquired.

“No.” I said.

“Then tell him! What if he realizes he feels the same way? Besides, from everything I’ve heard Nick’s ex, she isn’t going to stay away from the wolf that imprinted on her for long. It’s hard to resist that level of devotion.”

“And Nick will just get hurt again,” I realized. I clenched my teeth. “I’ve got to stop that monster before she hurts my guy again.

Jacob smiled at the fire in my eyes. Now that’s what I’ve been waiting for.”

I marched over to my phone and scrolled through the caller ID until I found the number. I hit dial and waited. The ringing seemed to go on forever before someone finally picked up.

“Hello?” The voice was melodic, beautiful, and almost as musical as a vampires' voice would be. I could almost imagine the face that went with it. She was probably stunning with waves of thick glossy blond hair and big innocent blue eyes. How could I ever compete with her?

I hung up quickly.

I lose myself in all these fights
I lose my sense of wrong and right
I cry, I cry
It's shaking from the pain that's in my head
I just wanna crawl into my bed
And throw away the life I led
But I won't let it die, but I won't let it die

But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever

“Why did you do that?” Jacob exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air, looking agitated.

“I got scared, and besides it' not as easy as it looks! I'm pretty vulnerable right now it case you haven't noticed with that pea sized brain of yours!!”

“ Leah, just call him back ok? Don't you want him back? Fight for him already!” he asked.

I didn’t answer.

“Try again.” Jacob told me, clearly exasperated.

I sighed and pick the phone back up. I pushed redial and waited. This time it rang only four times before she answered with the same “Hello?”

“Hi. D-d-do you know how I could c-c-c-contact Nick?” I stuttered.

“Actually he’s here right now. I’ll get him for you. Hold on just a minute please. May I ask who's calling?.” Talia said.

"Um yeah, his imprint Leah." I almost sneered. Great way to make a good impression I scolded myself. But then again I didn't care, all I wanted was to hear his voice.

"Oh, ok."

I waited until Nick’s voice came through the speaker. “Hi?”

“NICK!” I exclaimed joyfully. It was so nice to hear his deep soothing voice again.

“Leah?”

“Yeah. Look Nick I am so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry!!! I was just so mad, I didn’t mean a word of it! I miss you like crazy!” I apologized.

“It’s fine Leah! I was a pretty big jerk myself.” He replied quickly.

“So you’ll come back!?”

“No.”

The excitement drained out of me in an instant.

“Nick you have to.” I whispered. “I…I…I love you.”

He didn’t say anything for a long time.

“I’m sorry,” he finally murmured.

“Why?” I whimpered.

“I’m happy with Talia. I love her. I… I don’t love you Leah. I won’t apologize for loving her but I am sorry you got dragged into this mess.” He told me.

"Dragged? Nick we both didn't really have a choice."

"It doesn't matter anymore."

“Nick… Please… Please don’t do this! I love you, I’m begging you. We’re soul mates Nick.” I pleaded.

“I’m sorry,” was all he said before hanging up.

I distantly wondered what was with guys who broke my heart never saying goodbye.

“He really is a jerk.” Jacob snarled.

I couldn’t find it in me to contradict him.

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever

It's not over, it's not over, it's never over
Unless you let it take you
It's not over, it's not over, it's not over
Unless you let it break you
It's not over