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My bologna has a first name...

The title will make sense, believe me. This was just a goofy one-shot idea that popped into my head. Enjoy!


1. Chapter 1

Rating 3.3/5   Word Count 513   Review this Chapter

“Ugh,” I groaned. It had been a really long day at work today. There was a robbery at the Thriftway, about 10 cans of chicken noodle soup and a box of Premium Saltine crackers. I just wanted to crash on the couch and turn on whatever game of whatever sport happened to be on. Bella was spending the weekend hiking with the Cullen’s, so I would have the house to myself. I pulled the spare key out from under the eave and placed it in the keyhole to open the door. It unlocked, and a gentle push had it all the way open. I stepped in, threw my coat on the hook next to the doorway, and closed the door. I walked into the kitchen, and dropped my keys and belt on the counter. I glanced over at the phone, and saw that it was blinking, which could only mean that I had a new message. “Okay,” I said to myself, walking past the phone and to the fridge.

When I got to the fridge, I saw a note on the top shelf, next to some cold cuts.


I left some turkey, ham, mayonnaise, lettuce, tomato, and mustard in the fridge. There is bread in the pantry.



I pulled some turkey, lettuce, and mustard out of the fridge, and went over to the pantry to get the bread. I grabbed two slices and a paper plate, and set them down on the counter. I took three slices of turkey out of the bag and placed it on the bread. I then decided that I would rather have mayo than mustard, so I stepped back over to the fridge and switched the two out. That’s when I saw it; the bologna. Bologna, mayonnaise, and tomato on rye bread. Perfect. I grabbed all that I would need, and started to construct my sandwich. Bread, tomato, mayonnaise, bologna, tomato, bologna, mayonnaise, tomato, bologna, bread. I grinned with pleasure at the fact that I had made a meal for my self that didn’t involve fried eggs and baked potatoes. I poured a glass of Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi and walked with my meal over to the table. When I sat down, I noticed the blinking light on the answering machine again. I got up and went to see who the message was from. I pushed the caller ID button, and Billy’s name came up. Billy! Great! Billy rocked. Billy was so totally awesome! I pushed the play button on the machine, and sat back down in my chair to eat my sandwich and listen.

“Hey Charlie! It’s Billy. Just wanted to tell you that your daughter’s boyfriend is a vampire who thirsts particularly for her blood, and she intends to become a vampire, too, in order to be with him forever. Just though you should know. Also, do you want to come to my place for the game this weekend? Call me back!”

My jaw dropped. Edward was a creep but he sure wasn’t a vamp- Oh my gosh! Edward is a vampire!