Auction A Date
Auction a Date Ball!!: One of the most imprortant events of Forks High!!! What if Edward didnt fall directly in love with Bella the first time around?? What if he was pranked first?? Will it be a wake up call instead??
5. Chapter 5: Ignorance
Rating 5/5 Word Count 2684 Review this Chapter
This is my first fan fic so go easy on me.
Please review so I can see what I can do to improve the story.
Just so im being clear, in the last chapter, I was mentioning songs.
The lyrics and the song I was mentioning were two different songs.
I hope you like this.Disclaimer: I Dont Own Anything!!
I heard the bell for lunch. Oh shit.
I slowly left the car and walked to the cafeteria.
I lined up to get my ‘food'. They were just props. I don't eat these disgusting things. They taste horrible. Ugh.
I got everything I grabbed. I didn't even know what I was getting. All I was thinking was what was I going to say?? You can do this Edward. I encouraged myself. What are you afraid of?? You just want to speak to her, nothing else. It's not like you would be asking her to marry you or something.
What the heck?? How did marrying her get into the picture?? I was just going to talk to her. Nothing else. I was going to ask how her day was, I was going to ask her how she was doing with her friends.
I was going to ask her about her likes and dislikes. I just want to really get to know this Bella. I want her to know that I could be her confidant.
No, no, no. I was asking for too much. I just wanted to be her friend, then I think about marrying her and then I think about being her confidant.
Was I really going to make sure she trusted me or was I going to break that trust to protect her from something was going to overcome me and hurt her??
My wants and needs were different. I needed her to stay away. It was for her own good but I want to be near her. I just want to make sure that she was there and not just a dream.
I was beginning to lose my nerve. I sighed.
Sigh. Edward. I turned my head instinctively and looking for who called me but instead I saw her. My face and hopes lit up but as I saw her eyes, I felt worried. She looked sad, worried and confused. Just like me...
"Are you going to pay for that??" the lunch lady asked.
"No. Nevermind." I said and I started to walk to Bella. I heard many thoughts. Some were telling me to back off, some were telling me to stay away from her and some were jealous but I didn't mind them I kept my pace as I walked towards her.
She saw me and her eyes grew big, she started to breath harder and faster, her heart beat was loud and growing faster. When she noticed that I was going to her, she quickly composed her face but her heart and eyes told me that she was afraid and ashamed.
I stopped in front of her. "Umm... Hi." Nice one Edward. You are so interesting. I scolded myself.
"Hey." She said and then walked away...
When she left I felt a stinging pain in my chest that seemed to grow bigger by the second. I've never felt this before. Did she prefer the conversations we had when we were fighting?? All hopes of getting her as a companion or a friend left. I stood there frozen.
After our conversation yesterday, it was hard to believe that this really happened. She didn't even let me say anything else.
What was wrong with me?? I expected too much from something that I knew was never going to happen. I made myself think that I would have her. I pushed myself to talking to her and she just walked away.
I couldn't breathe. I stayed there like an idiot, frozen. She didn't mind me. I was just another person to her. Someone who should be ignored.
That hurt a lot and I still couldn't explain anything to myself. Why am I so stupid?? How am I supposed to break the wall that is keeping all of Bella's secrets hidden from me when I can't even tell how I was really feeling?? I'm so useless. I just want to hide under a rock and not come out until someone could explain why I am this way.
I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and saw Emmett and beside him was Alice. They looked at me with pity, just like Esme. I don't want anyone's pity!! I don't need it!!
I shrugged Emmett's hand off my shoulder and walked away. I went straight to Biology. Maybe Bella wanted to be with me when no one was paying attention to us.
Oh stop getting your hopes up. You will just end up hurting even more. I want to run. Run really, really fast and not have to stop. I don't want to stop for anything. Not for me, not for my family, not for Bella. I what her to leave my mine but why cant I push her away??
I sat down and waited... that's all I was trying to think about. Waiting. That one word that could lead to a million things.
To me, it meant, waiting for my life to be over, waiting for me to realize that I should just run away and waiting for Bella to see that I am here.
The bell rang and a little while later, Bella came and sat down beside me, not sayin anything. She just sat there.
"Bella??" I asked.
She looked at me but not into my eyes. She was avoiding them.
"What's wrong??" I asked.
She just shook her head and then faced forward. She didn't look at me again. That hurt bad. Knowing that she was just there beside me and not doing anything about it. I felt broken and stupid.
She was ignoring me.
Why?? Did she realize that she should be staying away from me?? That she shouldn't be trusting someone like me??
Class was not even close to over and she stood walked to Jessica. "Let's switch." She whispered.
"Okay." Jessica said excitedly. I cant believe it I was going to sit beside Edward Cullen, THE Edward Cullen she thought.
Jessica stood up and Bella took her seat as Jessica sat down beside me. Bella sighed and then looked started writing or doodling on a piece of paper.
"Hey." Jessica said.
I nodded in her direction. How am I going to tune her out?? I don't have anything. Erg!!! I looked back a little and stared at Bella instead. Why was she doing this to me?? Why was she avoiding me??
What did I do?? Maybe she really did realize. I thought that I would be happy that she would finally be safe from me but I am really devastated. I was horribly broken and hurt.
I don't want her to go away. I don't want her to be afraid. I don't want her to avoid me. I want her to talk to me just like she did yesterday. I don't want her to hide from me but what could I do??
She wouldn't even look at me. I was staring at her and she just kept her eyes on whatever she was doing with the paper and pen. I wish she would just look at me. I just need to see those eyes.
Look at me. Come on Bella, please?? Look at me. I thought to myself. Wishing she could somehow hear me.
I was about to give up and run out the room when she looked up and gazed into my eyes. What I saw in her eyes pained me. She looked like she was in pain. She looked like she was upset.
I wanted to run to her and ask her what happened. I wanted to carry her in my arms and bring her somewhere where she could tell me everything and cry it out of her chest. I want her to feel relieved.
If there was only something concrete that could represent all the pain she was holding, so that I could destroy it. I never felt so helpless.
She snapped out of it and then looked down again and started to doodle and this time, she kept her head down.
Bella, you are so stupid. You were supposed to be avoiding him and to do that you weren't supposed to be looking into his eyes. You promised. I scolded myself.
I could feel the tears coming. I tried to blink them away but some of them slipped and as if on cue, the bell rang. I grabbed my books and my bag quickly and I started to bolt for the door. Unexpectedly, I caught my foot on a table and tripped. I was waiting for the cold ground to hit me but I didn't.
Instead there were cold hard hands that caught me. I looked up and saw Edward. This made more tears slip. How was I supposed to be avoiding him when he just keeps coming??
I could smell his sweet scent, nothing could compare. I could feel his icy cold skin. It didn't feel weird against me. It felt reassuring and I felt completely safe in his arms. I just wanted to hug him and never let go.
"Why are you crying??" he asked, worriedly.
I shoot my head and stood up pushed him away. I stood up from his grasp and left the room, running for the girls' room. When I got there, I unexpectedly broke into soft sobs.
It hurt so much to avoid him when I know that all I wanted was to be near him. I not find myself liking him. I had a crush on Edward. I big crush, since it hurt this bad just to be away from him.
I should just throw these feelings I had for him since I have decided to save my friendship with Jessica.
I looked at myself in the mirror and I looked horrible. I dabbed cold water on my face. I tried smiling but they ended up being distorted and I knew that I wouldn't be able to act natural. I have to tell Edward to stay away from me. If not, we would both just end up hurt.
I don't want him to leave but if that's what it takes for me to save my friendship then I will do it. I will end this thing with Edward. I just need to hear him tell me that he didn't feel anything for and that would be enough to push myself away from him.
It would hurt a lot but I would take it as long as I kept it in mind that it's impossible for th both of us. I mean he is a gorgeous perfect guy. I knew that since the first time that I've seen him.
I knew then that I would not have a chance to be with someone like that. I knew I liked Edward before but not to this extent. It was just a harmless crush.
I actually thought that it would go away because of the way that he treated me before. I want to know all the reasons for those though. I want to learn why he was being rude to me and only me. What was with me??
I want all the answers to my questions before I tell him not to mind me anymore. I want to find what I've been looking for in is eyes before I ever get the chance again.
I just don't know how to ask.
I stayed there on the floor for the second time - with in the last two hours - frozen. I held her in my arms for not longer than ten second and she still ran away from me. I should get used to this but I know I will never get over the shock of someone like Bella to be running away from me.
I've always thought that Bella would never act this way but she proved me wrong. How will I ever confront her if she wouldn't even let me talk to her?? How was I supposed to let her know that I trusted her too??
Oooh.. Someone's got a crush on Bella... a thought finally got me. It was Lauren's. Who liked Bella?? The thought made me angry. I don't like the idea of Bella being in anyone's mind that way. Will Edward buy for Bella for this Auction a Date?? He might. He looks like he was hurt badly by her when she ran away. He must like her. What?? She was talking about me??
I... had a... a crush on... on... B-Bella?? Was that it?? It felt that way. That would explain why I was so protective and why I want to be near her all the time.
Now, I know what it was it was just a crush, a harmless crush. I could shake it off, eventually. I was going to pretend that she never came into my life. No, that's hard. I would pretend that she never said that she trusted me. I started to walk out of the room.
I felt empty and blank. I saw myself from different eyes and I looked just like a felt. I looked exhausted.
I wasn't paying attention to anything now. I wasn't thinking anymore. I just kept walking. I didn't listen to the thoughts, the whispers coming from those around me; they were unimportant.
The bell rang and when everyone was gone, I sat down in the corner miserably. I know what I told myself, that it was just a crush and from what I've seen, I would get over it. But now, as I think back to those words, I... don't think I can do it. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to not notice her. I don't know how to pretend that she never there in the first place!! I was shouting at myself now.
Damn it Edward!! I thought you were stronger than this!! Now, this human tells you that she trusts you and you just shrink away?! I thought you were the strong one!! Fight back!! Be strong!!
I stood up and started walking to class, which was on the other side of the building. I was close now when a door opened in front of me. I stopped it reflexively.
"Oh my gosh I'm so..." Bella stopped as she saw who she almost hit. I froze too. I just looked at her. I saw her eyes begin to water.
I had to get away. You're the strong one. I reminded myself. I wanted to say ‘excuse me' but I opened my mouth and felt weak, so I shut it and walked away from her.
I'm sorry. I thought.
Aww... That was a sad ending for a chapter wasn't it??
I kinda hate myself for it but the story will get better...
There we go!! Chapter 5!!!