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I Can't Breathe

"The waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now reared high up and washed over my head, pulling me under. I did not resurface." -Bella Swan: New Moon p. 84 How did Bella feel in those monthes of being alone? When she hadn't resurfaced and found her sun, Jacob? *Song fiction based on the song "Breathe" by Taylor Swift


1. Chapter 1

Rating 5/5   Word Count 864   Review this Chapter

“Bella….? Honey… you need to wake up.” My dad’s hand on my shoulder shaking me very lightly woke me from my nightmare.

It’s hard to believe that hardly a month has passed since…he said he didn’t want me.

I go to school not seeing anyone or hearing anything said to me. I stare blankly in no place in particular, simply trying to remember what had gone wrong, and how I caused him and his family to leave.

In doing so I started to feel pain whenever I took a breath by even thinking of memories when we were happy, or when his perfect smile…oh!! WHAT DID I DO TO MAKE MY BELOVED ME?

As I walk to my truck I remember that night all over again: Edward complaining about my truck… getting my new stereo… slicing my finger…him being impassive…and then the days following… and then…I couldn’t even remember even bring myself to remember that night again.

As I started my truck a new song came on the radio…

I see your face in my mind as I drive away,
Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.
People are people, sometimes we change our minds. But its killing me to see you go after all this time

I immediately thought of his perfect face, his crooked smile, his eyes that could do amazing things when I gazed into them. I remembered how I said we were more than just boyfriend and girlfriend but soulmates. Also how we would be together forever but…then he “let go of trying to be something I’m not.” And how I feel like I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

Music starts playin’ like the end of a sad movie,
Its the kinda ending you don’t really wanna see.
Cause its tragedy and it’ll only bring you down,
Now I don’t know what to be without you around.

I remembered hearing his gift playing over the stereo on my birthday… my lullaby. But now to even remember it was like feeling the pain in my chest triple in size. And I realized that I couldn’t live fully without him because he had taken the other half of me with him when he left.

And we know its never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I cant,
Without you,

But I have to,
Without you,
But I have to.

I remember how the doctor when I broke my leg said it was a clean break, but how much it hurt all the same. But I had him then to help me through that pain, but now… I was alone and didn’t have a Prince Charming to come and save me anymore. HE was the one true thing I thought I knew for sure in my life but now… he was gone and would never be coming back. So now there’s a hole in my chest where my heart used to be, making it hard to breathe when I thought of my Romeo. But I knew one thing I had to do for him: try and be normal for Charlie.

Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt.
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.
But people are people,
And sometimes it doesn’t work out,
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out.

Thinking about him brought back the times he said he never wanted me to be hurt because of him. But yet that was the reason why he left, and I remembered one thing I had promised: to stay out of trouble. I make myself a promise here and now: I will try my hardest to do this one thing for him.

Its two a.m.
Feelin' like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know it’s not easy,
Easy for me.
Its two a.m.
Feelin’ like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know this ain’t easy,
Easy for me.

I remember waking up last night screaming because I had a dream of him saying the impossible: I love you. I thought of Alice and how much I missed her and how I wondered if I would ever find a friend like her again. Suddenly I realized I couldn’t do this anymore.

As I pulled into my driveway and I ran into the garage and found the tool box. I found the screw driver and tried tearing the radio out of the dashboard. When that didn’t work I tried the end of the hammer, and so on. Finally I pulled it out with hands, causing all of my nails to break. But I didn’t stop there. I ran up to my room grabbed all my CDs and broke them in half and threw them in the garbage. I knew if I ever heard or saw ANYTHING that reminded me of him I would cease to exist inside.