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Moonlight's Shackles

Summary:
There are consequences to a love as deep as Edwards and Bella’s and they will not be ignored. Is there such a thing as love, or is all love inherently a triumph of imagination over intelligence, emotion over the deepest most profound truth. Is love freedom or only our acceptence of Moonlight’s Shackles. [Set in AU New Moon with no Jacob.]


Notes:
Disclaimer: I don't anything from Twilight, never have never will. Note to Reviewers: If you review you get a teaser for the next chapter, so if you read and think to yourself oh I would like some more post and you'll get it. ;]
Authors Note:
What if there was no Jacob when Edward had left, assuming that Bella somehow persevered I’d assume she’d come out of the whole situation a lot differently. I liked Twilight and even New Moon, but after that it just got a little too nice for me. Everyone except for the villains was just too kind. The mystery was gone. This fic is trying to get it back. Enjoy. However I am trying my best to keep Bella from going batshit crazy either; I think it’s a progression. People are complicated.


1. Preface: To The Letter

Rating 0/5   Word Count 892   Review this Chapter

TAuthors Note:
What if there was no Jacob when Edward had left, assuming that Bella somehow persevered I’d assume she’d come out of the whole situation a lot differently. I liked Twilight and even New Moon, but after that it just got a little too nice for me. Everyone except for the villains was just too kind. The mystery was gone. This fic is trying to get it back. Enjoy. However I am trying my best to keep Bella from going batshit crazy either; I think it’s a progression. People are complicated.

Preface: To the Letter

The first time it was whispered in awe. “Selfishness is instrumental to success, survival; sacrifice equivocal to defeat.”


The second time it was spoken in cold reassurance. “Selfishness is instrumental to success, survival; sacrifice equivocal to defeat.”


The third time, the words had dulled so much that she didn’t even realize what she was saying anymore. “Selfishness is instrumental to success, survival; sacrifice equivocal to defeat.”


This was not her usual mantra, but over the years since he had left her alone, it had become her only mantra. If she was to survive without him, she would make changes – would have to make changes. She tightened the leather gloves on her hands so she wouldn’t have to feel the cold of the steering wheel. For a second, both her hands were off the steering wheel, but she didn’t mind. She felt so old, not in the sense that her joints creaked—all her movements were perfectly lubricated with intention—but that her thoughts were bitter.


‘If he could see me now,’ that dark little voice that never left whispered. Despite her bravado, it still yearned deeply. Not for the first time Bella wondered if this was merely an excuse to go see him. All of this, all of the lies and manipulation was just an excuse. What if she had already lost before it had begun? What if she was completely and irrevocably screwed over? She gave a little sigh and slowly put her hands on the wheel. Self-destructive thoughts like that would do no good at all, for anybody.


The road was turned into a blurred tunnel by the overhanging trees dotted with the dew drops. It wasn’t just the claustrophobia inducing forests that obscured the sides of the road; she was going incredibly fast, the speedometer quivered between 100 and 110.


The wind sounded like a river rushing against the bow of her small anonymous Mercedes. Underneath that sound, or behind it, Bella couldn’t tell, there was the quite but precise tinkling of piano keys: Bach, the well-tempered clavier. To the side of the road her eyes flickered over the ghost of a turn, the vegetation had now almost completely devoured it. In the two-tone light of her headlights she thought she could see a fresh sets of tire-tracks.


So this was really happening. For a second, she wanted to stop. She imagined his cool face, all stark planes and pooled shadows. It was hard now but she was able to hold the image in her head without completely losing herself to it. She didn’t slow down even as the turn approached. Her teeth gritted together like two jackhammers, grinding and grinding. The sound was louder than the sound of the wind against the car.


Then another thought: small and almost self-indulgent like fantasies of fame, or her memories of him: what if he still wanted her? What if there was another option? She remembered Erin’s pale face, the ridiculous expression of joy on it. She would not become like that, not for anyone. Slowly, her teeth unclenched until there was no pressure except for her hands on the wheel and her eyes on the road.


Her gaze darted to her side-mirror and then she flicked into a turn. The speedometer only took a few steps back down to sixty, and the car rumbled, jostling from side to side. There was only a thin opening between the trees, and even then there was a maddening screech and cracking noise as the limbs from nearby trees were disemboweled. Her car wouldn’t remain unscathed from the encounter she knew, imagining the scars and scratches. She slowed further onto the gravel road but never below forty even though her car whined under the pressure, still unsure of its footing.


Between the trees was a light, but it was slightly distorted. A light from a window, she figured, well, hoped really. Her chest swelled, her lungs inflating like an inner-tube or a clown balloon animal; it was just as she had asked.


Her car jilted itself to a stop, and her heart popped at the sudden contact. She shifted the car into park with her right hand her – her left instinctively fingering the topaz necklace around her neck. The edges of the gem were surprisingly sharp. Quickly she drew her hand away, slowly placed it on the steering wheel, and exhaled a mile long breath.


She was amazed at how restrained she had been throughout it all. She could guess what it must have been like for him—even after all these years she still couldn’t say his name—not telling him who she really was all this time was like avoiding gravity.


But there was one key difference between her and Edward’s problem: he was fighting his capacity for destruction and she was trying to embrace hers.