There are consequences to a love as deep as Edwards and Bella’s and they will not be ignored. Is there such a thing as love, or is all love inherently a triumph of imagination over intelligence, emotion over the deepest most profound truth. Is love freedom or only our acceptence of Moonlight’s Shackles. [Set in AU New Moon with no Jacob.]
Disclaimer: I don't anything from Twilight, never have never will. Note to Reviewers: If you review you get a teaser for the next chapter, so if you read and think to yourself oh I would like some more post and you'll get it. ;]
What if there was no Jacob when Edward had left, assuming that Bella somehow persevered I’d assume she’d come out of the whole situation a lot differently. I liked Twilight and even New Moon, but after that it just got a little too nice for me. Everyone except for the villains was just too kind. The mystery was gone. This fic is trying to get it back. Enjoy. However I am trying my best to keep Bella from going batshit crazy either; I think it’s a progression. People are complicated.
3. Chapter Two: Jumpstart
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Chapter Two: Jumpstart
Strangely, she managed to avoid Erin for two weeks. Erin was a year younger than her and was in none of her classes. Bella didn’t even see her in her lunch period again. Everything was moving; there were no more oblivious, or velvet, voices. She was dying, but it was beginning to slow down enough that she wasn’t aware of it with every breath she took.
Just when everything was beginning to gain momentum, her truck’s battery died. Charlie had already left for work, and so she had to dig around in the garage for the spare jumpstarter they kept around. She had forgotten to wear gloves so every minute or so, she had to rub her hands together or even put her fingers in her mouth to keep them from freezing. It was almost eight thirty by the time she got her car spluttering, first period Spanish a lost cause of the highest degree.
Turn the key again, cue the groan of displeasure, and try one more time. Too much time had passed between the turning on of the battery and the truck. Bella hated feeling helpless.
She slammed her fist against the steering wheel and the car let out a long moan; what was supposed to be a honk.
With some kind of pointless optimism, Bella got out of the car and opened the garage door to try again. When she did, she was greeted with a small, slightly beat up Toyota Camry, the driver was none other than knowing eyes. Bella sighed and took the keys out of the ignition. How did Erin even know she was here?
And even more importantly yet, why did she care? Was there some kind of message that he had demanded she give Bella? Hope, self-destructive and futile, fluttered in her chest. Bella slammed door and called out timidly, “Hello.”
The Toyota only purred, surprisingly smoothly, in response. Bella turned around punching in the code watching warily as the garage door descended hoping it wouldn’t get caught. That would be just my luck, she thought. When she turned around Erin was only a few feet away. Now, out of her stupor, Bella noticed two things.
First, Erin’s skin was not pale, but a dim olive, and second, she was shivering painfully. Even from a good ten feet away it looked like Erin was vibrating.
“Are you alright?” It felt strange for Bella to ask that, when she, herself, so obviously wasn't. Hello, I am really quite messed up, but here let me help you; Bella imagined the conversation. If her face weren’t frozen, too, she might have even smiled, though it wasn’t likely.
“I’m fine, but you can’t afford to miss any more school.” Erin looked towards the garage door, which had caught and was spluttering like a dying giraffe, and nodded to herself as if this validated her comment.
Bella drew back. “Umm.” Her feet shifted and the fresh snow already melted into slush squished underneath her wet toes. Erin really was actually being quite nice when she looked at it objectively. But Bella also knew that it wasn’t just annoyance that inspired her to push Erin away. Bad luck followed her and she was a mess, she had no energy for friends right now, it wouldn’t be fair to either of them.
“Come on.” Erin motioned and began to dodge between the makeshift snowdrifts and melting mountains of snow.
“I think my car should start I just need a few more tries.” Bella continued weakly, already turning around to re-open the door, not even sure why she had closed it in the first place.
“I wouldn’t do that.” Something that previously had been movable paused in Erin’s voice like a caught gear.
Without knowing it, Bella held her breath. Her fingers on the keypad with the remainder of the oxygen left in her lungs she managed to expel a small, “Do what?”
“Open that garage door, get in your car, ignore me,” Erin offered, her posture cavalier; hand on hip, black hair spilling in-between the snowflake–bitten air, but her words were freshly cut and sharp.
Bella held out hand to placate the strange girl. “I’m really sorry, Erin but I actually think I’ll head back to bed. Thank you so much for coming all the way out here, though.” The social niceties felt so odd her tongue, like a new shirt with the tag still attached.
“Come on, Bella, that is such a lame excuse. We all know what you’re really going to do.” She took a step closer towards Bella like she was a wild animal. The irony was not lost on Bella, for it was Erin who looked wild. Her black hair, as usual, exploded from her scalp and her black eyes were fixed firmly on Bella’s own. She looked so tired; as if she had been walking for days, or someone who had to stay overnight at an airport. Erin took another step closer, her feet magically gaining traction on the slippery ice. “You’re going to go in there, spend your whole day thinking of Edw--”
“Don’t say his name.” Bella wanted to come out like a hiss, but it was more of fizzle, a pleading remark.
Erin stopped her assault forward and shifted her weight to her other hip jutting it out slightly. “Sometimes I’m tempted to tell you right now.” The strange shivers she had previously been controlled by stopped, as if the cold no longer affected her. In fact, despite the wind that had picked up, the wind that Bella could feel against her own skin in the form of very palpable painful cold, Erin’s bushy hair hadn’t moved. In fact Erin looked eerily at ease.
“Then do it,” Bella whispered. No! No! Another part whispered, I have no desire to know. He doesn’t want me; do I really want to hear that again? She didn’t even realize that she had beaten her fist against the garage door until she heard the dull thud of it.
“I’m sorry... that wasn’t fair. I can’t tell you now.” Erin was suddenly contrite, moving closer to Bella, and closer, and closer.
Bella flinched. “Don’t you have a class right now, too?”
“Get in the car.” The tone was so gentle, and Bella found she couldn’t, didn’t want to resist.
So she did. It had been a while since she had done something that she had truly wanted, and it was surprisingly easy.
The rest of the car ride was spent in silence. Bella didn’t have anything to say, but she was surprised Erin didn’t have anything either. It was nice to press her nose against the back seat window and watch snow drape the once green forks. The forest where she had curled up was dying look so different from the primeval darkness she had remembered. No more did the trees riot on the earth and Bella was glad for the stillness, the absence of emotion.
Maybe that part of her was dying; more importantly, maybe that was a good thing. She was deluding herself if she ever thought she was going to move on to someone else, but maybe that part of herself was gone now, maybe she—
“You know that tomorrow is the winter solstice, right?”
The window was cold against her nose, and the tip of it was beginning to redden, so Bella drew back and turned to look at the steering wheel. Erin’s hands were sheathed in thin black leather. “No,” Bella answered honestly, and an unfamiliar feeling tickled her lips; curiosity. “Why?”
“We’re having a party under the gym.” The car turned, and Bella saw the familiar dull building of Forks High.
Bella already began to prepare an excuse of why she couldn’t go, but then she registered two facts. First off, Erin hadn’t even asked her to come, and second—“Under the gym?”
“It’s not ideal conditions,” Erin admitted ruefully, pulling into the parking lot that was so full that they had to pull into one of the spaces at the very back. Bella had never been this late to school before, shame and satisfaction as if she was privy to some secret warred in her stomach.
“I didn’t know there was anything under there.”
“Well, you do now.” Erin replied smartly, opening the door and leaving without another world. She left Bella staring at the rearview mirror, smiling and sad because she knew things now. She gripped her backpack and the rough canvas almost crinkled underneath her grip. Isn’t it nice to know a lot? She asked herself fiercely. Yes, but she amended, but a little bit not.
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