"Bella smiled warmly at me then, unaware of my secrets and the silent threats they made on her life..."
Bella Swan is a highly eccentric art student in Seattle...Edward Cullen is a mind-reading vampire, who is instantly drawn to her creative and colorful thoughts. (Yes, he can read her mind! Sort of.)
. . When devious little Alice catches a glimpse of their future, she'll do anything to get them together, including moving Bella in behind Edward's back! This story is rated Adult for drinking, violence, crude language, etc. etc.
This Bella is very OOC. You have been warned.
Rating 4.5/5 Word Count 2591 Review this Chapter
“I can be your liar.
I can be your bearer of bad news.
Sick and uninspired by the diamonds in your fire.
Burning like a flame inside of you.
But is this just desire, or the truth?
So shame on me for the ruse.”
“What is she doing here?” His voice dripped with malice.
His eyes were narrowed and dark as he glared at Alice. Although directed towards her, I knew that the hatred behind his intense stare was meant just for me.
Angry red roared in my mind, and I felt a cruel stabbing in my chest.
I wanted to know what I had done to displease him, then throw myself at his feet and beg forgiveness.
I wanted to shriek obscenities and punch him right in his pretty mouth…
…But my mind was frozen around his twisted angel’s face.
My blood turned icy inside my veins. I couldn’t feel anything past the chill of shock.
I saw his face contort further in agony, and something within me snapped. I was the reason behind that pained expression. What sort of monster would mar such a beautiful thing as Edward’s smile?
I rose slowly from my chair, not even remotely sure of my own legs, and walked mutely to the back door.
I stayed out hunting until dawn, trying to drown the fire that raged inside of me, all the while feuding with myself over Bella. I knew of nothing else in the world than my fascination with her, of my physical need for her company, and of the danger inherent in our juxtaposition. I didn’t even know if a fraction of my affection was mutual.
I entered my home, still fuming over my own personal impasse, to find Bella sitting casually at my kitchen counter.
I could have killed Alice! More accurately, just slap her around a bit with her own severed arms.
She bore personal witness to Bella’s peril, danger that I alone had exposed her to, and yet she encouraged the girl to sleep in our home!
Though it caused me unfathomable pain, the girl needed to stay away from me.
She sat smiling, oblivious to the desperate fiend standing mere feet from her. Her beating heart and hot blood tempted this maniac in ways that she would never understand.
Despite my own selfish tendencies, I could not allow her to unknowingly risk her life, simply by keeping my company…
… And knowing our secret was strictly out of the question.
I could easily acknowledge the monstrosity of my own nature, but I could not ask the same acceptance of another. Of a human, no less! I couldn’t bear the thought of her beautiful eyes wide with shock, her face contorting into a mask of horror, and the repulsion she would no doubt feel for me.
Bella smiled warmly at me then, unaware of my secrets and the silent threats they made on her life.
Those lovely eyes locked with mine, and for a moment I forgot that we weren’t the only two people in the world.
I couldn’t help but smile back, hope welling in my dead heart that perhaps she felt something for me. I warred with myself over sweeping her into a tight embrace.
No, a monster like you doesn’t deserve something so precious.
My empty chest ached. My face fell.
Don’t, Edward! Don’t say it –
“What is she doing here?” I growled.
She is my friend, Edward… and you’ve just upset her!
I watched Bella ghost out of the kitchen through Alice’s mind.
Alice turned to me, livid. She screamed at the top of her mind’s voice, slinging insults that would make a trucker blush.
I had the strangest desire to cover my ears.
The tension must have filled the entire house. Jasper flashed into the kitchen and did his best to calm us.
He caught Alice by the waist as she lunged at me, holding her as she struggled to get free.
She mustn’t be trying that hard, I thought.
I saw flashes of an angry vision in which she tackled me to the floor, and then beat me about the face and head with her little shoe.
Still restrained, she threw it at me instead.
I ducked, and heard the petite beaded slipper crack the tiled wall behind me.
WHY ON EARTH … TELL ME WHY EDWARD! She had her tiny hands clenched into tight fists.
“Alice! You are far from blind, so don’t try and play as such! You saw what almost happened last night! She needs to stay away from me.”
I added too quickly for any human to hear, “It’s better this way. That early on, she just hates me. She’s human - it will be a tiny drop of sadness in an ocean of feelings. She-”
SHE LOVES YOU, YOU IDIOT! Or at least she will.
She assaulted me with a barrage of visions. Bella and I in a loving embrace, Bella meeting the rest of my family in Forks. The images were crystal clear, only the timing was uncertain.
No! I could never allow that for my Bella. She deserved better than to be involved with a monster.
I watched Alice’s vision begin to falter. My resolution hardened as I ran to the garage.
I grabbed a chair cushion from the patio set and trudged down into the yard below. I found a nice little spot in front of the river, sat down, and lit a cigarette. I sat perfectly still, willing my body to calm itself, staring into the far woods. I watched the little birds and rodents flit about in their respective frenzies, making last minute preparations for the coming winter.
I watched one particularly frantic squirrel intently. He miscalculated the distance as he dove between trees, and landed quite comically on his fluffy little tail. I broke out in hysterical laughter.
The squirrel shot me what I could swear was a threatening look, so I named him Edward.
“It’s alright, Little Edward!” I yelled across the river, “Sometimes you just have to pick the bark out of your ass and keep going!”
I heard a light chuckle behind me, and whipped around, startled.
“Is that so, Bella?”
Alice took a seat beside me.
“Alice! Listen, I’m sorry that I’ve upset your brother, although I don’t know why. I hate to be the source of familial discord; would you please give me a ride home?”
“Actually, Bella... I’d like to ask you about that,” she smiled sympathetically. “Edward is just upset about … Well, he’s going to Denali for awhile, to help our father with a few things, and-”
“Wait what?!” I interrupted rudely.
“Family business, really boring stuff, he’ll be back soon,” she smiled knowingly.
Her eyes confessed the lie.
“What did you need to ask me, Alice?”
“Well, with Edward gone for a few months, I was wondering if you’d, well… if you’d like to move in with us. We could really use the help with the rent,” she smiled hopefully.
I smiled. I didn’t need her eyes to tell me that was a load of bull.
“Help with the rent?”
She looked like a child that had been caught sneaking cookies.
I did love Alice, after knowing her for almost a year she was practically family. Plus my apartment was a shithole. Neighbors screamed behind doors that had obviously been kicked in before, while the heat rarely worked and the pipes froze. Not to mention I was getting a little sick of cops knocking on my door, asking if I had seen Slim or Bubba or who the hell ever used to live or deal there before.
Alice’s eyes lit up knowingly. The smile that consumed her face was infectious. I felt bubbly.
“Oh Bella I’m so excited! The delivery truck will be here with your things tonight!”
She hopped up and bounced towards the house, leaving me wide-mouthed and completely befuddled.
I shook my head and smiled to myself.
I would be living with my best friend in a wonderful house.
I would be living in Edward’s house, without Edward.
I felt sick at his absence. There was a void in my otherwise perfect bubble.
The usually demanding colors in my crazy mind were now muted. Their hues were soft, as if trying to comfort me. They hummed in my head like the sweetest lullaby, but the notes turned sour when I recalled his face twisted in agony.
I felt the anger well up in my chest. That fucking bastard! Sickening monster-skin-green coated everything I saw; my flesh prickled and crawled as a terrible nails-on-a-chalkboard sound shrieked in my ears.
Incensed, I tore through the yard towards the house.
Alice was sitting atop the kitchen counter, two shot glasses in hand, and for once I didn’t care how she knew.
“The usual?” she asked, pouring two shots of Cuervo.
I nodded stiffly in response, and threw back the shot as she did the same. She made a face like she had just swallowed mud. I poured myself another shot and downed it.
I had never been able to tell people about … the way my mind worked.
It was such an incredibly personal thing, and so strange that I’m sure something would be lost in translation, and I would end up sounding crazy. I could see how that conversation might go…
“So yeah, colors make me feel things and sounds make me see things. Intense emotions take over every other sense. Happiness has a taste, a tactile feeling and so on… just like anger has a smell and a color. Those kinds of emotions are just overwhelming, and make everything go all crazy. But I’m not. Crazy, I mean. Really!”
I could have accepted this about myself, but I couldn’t ask the same of someone else. To unveil the inner workings of my mind to someone I trusted and cared for only to have them turn their nose up in response would have destroyed me.
It would have been unbearably painful, you know. Just try handling rejection six different ways and see how you come out of it.
Darling Alice, I never felt the need to explain my mind to her. That was one of the reasons I felt so comfortable around her. She seemed to have some sense of it from the day I met her; I knew Alice was different, and she knew the same of me. We didn’t ask questions. And when it got too crazy, she assisted in the self-medication.
“Oh god. Did you eat all this acid?” Alice quoted with a devilish smile.
“That’s right! MUSIC!!!” I quoted in return, whirling to the large stereo in the living room.
“Just a warning, I’m not in the mood for Jefferson Airplane right now,” I called over my shoulder.
Her twinkling laughter sounded in the next room.
I slid the obnoxious pop CD into the player. The music was loud and had too much bass, and that’s all I wanted.
I cranked the large sound system.
“So where has Jasper been?” I poured another shot.
“Oh you know him, all moody,” she giggled at some private joke.
Poker Face blared throughout the house.
“He’s okay with me moving in, right?” I asked, completely unsure.
“Of course, silly! I told him like,” she waved her hand dismissively, “a week ago.”
I should have been surprised. I wasn’t.
What did surprise me was the sudden, authoritative rapping against the front door. I jumped.
“That’ll be the movers!” Alice whisked to the front door.
I heard her give them directions to what would now be my room as I sat in the kitchen, forsaking the shot glass and taking a pull straight from the bottle. Really fucking classy.
The first chords of Catch 22’s Failing, Flailing floated into the kitchen. The music was bouncy and full of life.
I smiled to myself as I sang along…
“You say you’ve got the cure – but I don’t have a disease. You say you’ve got the answers – but I’ve made no inquiries. And you’re failing! Bailing! Good god motherfucker, now I hear you’re flailing!”
The pixie bounced back into the kitchen, and declined swiftly when I extended the bottle towards her, as she sang...
“Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me. And I know it’s been years – but still I fear – that someday they’ll desert me. And it’s hard I know - when it’s time to stand alone and no one understands…”
I knew she wasn’t one for drinking. She seemed damn repulsed by it in fact, but she always took that first shot with me.
I grinned. Friends don’t let friends drink alone.
I drove to Forks in a daze. Carlisle and Esme seemed to sense my discomfort, and did not make me linger past our greeting with forced idle chatter. My eyes probably pleaded for solitude.
I escaped to the comfort of the lush forest, climbed a nearby tree and nestled myself in its upper boughs.
I sat there for hours, moping.
I sang along with the songs in my head, my voice a ghost’s whisper as I watched the sun die.
“The sun burns on, it reminds me of you. The slit wrists of the sky, bleeding into the blue. We twist beneath forever, but do you know what you’ve done?”
I lingered there for hours until I was consumed by the creeping night.
The pale moon hung ominously in the sapphire blue sky, ensnared by blackened bare tree limbs. Stars stabbed into the fabric of the night, twinkling in laughter.
Yet I could appreciate no beauty but Bella’s. Her laughter drowned out the sound of wind lashing through the trees, her smile outshined any sunset.
This is certainly no way to spend eternity, I gripped.
The untouchable Edward Cullen was moping over a girl. A human girl. If Emmett knew, I would never hear the end of it.
Damnit, Bella! I had been in the middle of a semester at the University of Washington, we had just settled into a new house. Who was this girl to uproot my life in such a way? To make me run and hide like a coward?
I made a quick meal of a lone Elk and roamed about the forest, trying desperately to escape the truth I would have to face eventually.
I had to go back to Seattle. The self control I had developed over the past century would be put to good use.
I would return to Seattle, return to school, and my life would be just as before. Before I found her.
I would ignore her completely. I would pretend that she wasn’t the center of my universe.
She was too pure, too innocent to be damned by my love.