Bella was about to jump to her death. My Bella. I had caused her all this pain and hurt in attempt to save her. I couldn't do anything right. All I could hope was that I wouldn't be too late. I couldn't be too late. I am taking an official break from this story. I might finish it eventually, but no guarantees. I am currently working on a re-write of this story--See author's note (Chapter 8) for details.
This is my fantasy New Moon. It picks up right before Bella jumps off the cliff. The title is after the Nickelback song, which I suppose could serve as a theme song for this story. Enjoy!
2. Why didn't I listen?
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Her heartbeat was still slow, but getting more consistent. She had started breathing again-thank God-but each breathe was shallow and unsteady. And I did this to her. She would never forgive me. I would never forgive me. I left her, and she was put into a pain far worse than what she would have been in had I changed her. Bella warned me, both about what would happen if I left her and what would happen if I didn’t change her. Alice warned me, both about what would happen if I left her and what would happen if I didn’t change her. Why didn’t I listen?
After I came out of the water, I laid her on a large rock in the shade. I brushed her hair out of her face and saw what I had missed for so long; her face. I gazed upon her angelic face, her angelic face I hadn’t seen in months, her angelic face that I missed so much. Her skin was so washed out; she had lost her natural blush. She lost a lot of weight, and she didn’t have much to spare in the first place. Her mouth ached of loneliness; I had done more damage than I ever knew possible. I was warned. Over and over again, I was warned. Why didn’t I listen?
A large sigh escaped my angel’s mouth, and her eyes fluttered open. She was exhausted and barely conscious, but what she said was loud and clear- “You came back.” I smiled her favorite crooked smile, and she lapsed back into unconsciousness. The color had started to return to her cheeks, and I realized she needed to get to a doctor. I called Carlisle, who said that he would be at our house within the hour. Gently, I lifted Bella into my arms and ran, slightly slower than usual, to my car. I started to think about why she would have jumped. Had she really been that miserable without me? Could she really not live with me gone, not even for her family? Did she love me as much as I loved her? These answers were obvious, as she had told me the answers many times, but I hadn’t listened. Why didn’t I listen?
Her heartbeat continued to strengthen, and it was now beating almost normally. Her unconscious state changed to that of a sleeping state, and her talking began. Her sleep talking, where she confessed that her love for me was from her entire being, conscious and sub-conscious. Why didn’t I listen?
“Edward…” She muttered. “I love you.” She smiled in her sleep, and I took that as a good sign. She had to be happy that I was here. I had no idea why. I was a monster; a monster that left her; a monster that caused her infinite amounts of pain, both physical and emotional. How could an angel like her love a demon like me? She didn’t see me for the monster I was, but I ignored her, thinking that she was like all other teenagers. But she, unlike the rest, meant what she said. I should have listened. Why didn’t I listen?
We were almost to my Volvo now, and she was waking up. I slowed to a human-paced walk for the last ten feet of walking, and opened the passenger door to the car. As I was setting her down on the seat, her eyes began to flutter open and met mine. “I’m really here,” I said, knowing from her expression exactly what she was thinking. She began to doze off a little bit, though still slightly aware of her surroundings. I stepped around to the other side of my car and opened the door, sat down, buckled in, and placed the key in the ignition all in one fluent motion. She smiled at me; she smiled a loving smile that made me forget all of my reasons for leaving. Her smile spoke a thousand words, a thousand infinitely meaningful words that I simply blew off. I didn’t listen, I should have listened. Why didn’t I listen?
“Why are you here?” She whispered.
“Alice had a vision. I couldn’t let you be hurt,” I replied, quickly and softly.
“Why do I matter to you? It isn’t like you love me anymore.” I was reminded of the horrible lies I told her a few months back, only three days after her eighteenth birthday. The day I ruined my existence. The day I killed an angel.
“Bella,” I began. “Bella, I-I lied. You may not believe me now, now that I am telling the truth, but everything I said on that fateful day was a lie. How you could possibly believe something as absurd as me not loving you is beyond me, but you did. And I am terribly, terribly sorry. Sorry for everything I have put you through. Sorry for all the danger I put you through. It’s all my fault. I do love you; I always have loved you; I always will love you. I am so sorry. I am so-“
“Edward,” she said. “Edward, you didn’t have to do this. You don’t love me anymore, and I understand that. I came to terms with that, and I decided I couldn’t live with it. Then you show up and ruin it, and you’re just going to leave me again, and it will all be much, much, worse.”
“Shhhh.” I hushed her. She was crying now, she was crying because of me, and I just wanted to take her tears, her suffering, and endure it all myself.
“Bella, you are confusing the lies with the truth. I was utterly and completely miserable without you; ask Alice! I love you; I always have loved you; I always will love you! Please Bella, understand that. Please.”
She glanced up at me with a broken-hearted look on her face. “Edward, you don’t love me, I understand that. Don’t fake it; it will only make it worse when you leave me again.” I put my fingers to her soft, full, ruby-red lips in an effort to stop her.
“Bella, I know I have hurt you, have hurt you badly. I will spend the rest of my existence apologizing if that is what it takes. Is there anyway you could forgive me?” I begged; I pleaded. I meant every word I said.
I looked up and out the window, just realizing that I hadn’t even started driving yet, and we were still on Quilette territory. With that, I slammed on the gas and pulled away. I turned back to Bella to see her gazing out of the window, tears streaming down her face. “Bella,” I whispered. “Do you still love me? Can you still love me?”
“Edward,” she started. “Edward, I still love you; that would never change. But I just can’t trust myself to be enough for you. I’m only human, not even a relatively special human. I am grateful for all the time you gave me.” I was getting frustrated now; she wouldn’t understand!
“Bella, really, you are far more special than you ever believed. I do love you, I always have, always will. And I’m not leaving again. Ever again. Not without you. Really.” I sighed. Bella smiled.
“Really?” She was beaming now, and I dared to hold her hand.
“Really.” The electricity in the air was like that of the first time we were in the meadow, only intensified. I never wanted it to end. I couldn’t stop smiling, and I leaned in to kiss her, only to be disrupted by a loud crashing and growl coming from just behind us.