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Forgive

Summary:
A missing moment between Edward and Renesmee


Notes:


2. Chapter 2

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1717   Review this Chapter

It was only a matter of hours now. I could hear her heart beating faster and faster, and if my heart could beat, it would surely follow the same tempo. I had waited for this…too long. Though I considered myself to be a patient man, my patience failed me at the sight of my wife lying still, slowly transforming into a vampire.

A vampire.

How long ago was it that I swore I would never end her life? That I wouldn't turn her into the monster I have become? When did I fail to keep my promise to protect her with every fiber of my being?

"I really hate this white icky stuff."

Renesmee.

I chuckled to myself. Ever since she had tasted blood, she refused to eat that admittedly disgusting white icky stuff which was in fact milk. I could hear her thoughts more clearly now, and while her joyous mind was endearing, her constant growth was not.

We were at a loss. None of us knew what to make of it, none of us dared to voice our similar fear out loud. If she continued to grow up at this rate, what would happen in a few years?

I shook my head in an attempt to throw away the unpleasant thoughts. No matter what was going to happen, one thing was for certain - Bella and I would face it together. Together.

My only wish at the moment was for Alice to tell me the exact time of her waking up. I was by Bella's side constantly but I usually found some time for my daughter. Now, however, after Alice all so happily announced that it would soon be time, I could not stand even a minute away from her. I had to be there when she opened her eyes.

I was sadly impatient and torn between staying there and checking on Renesmee. I hadn't seen her all day and although I could hear her and everyone else's thoughts about her, I wanted, no, I needed to see her. It seemed like she had that affect on everyone but it would appear that I was the most infatuated by her.

Carlisle and Esme doted on her like there was no tomorrow. Esme's unconditional love and Carlisle's compassion made them the greatest grandparents a child could need.

Alice could be described as the cool aunt, as humans would say. She was dressing her up, fixing her hair this way and that, making her giggle whenever possible. And Jasper was always close by, enjoying the mere warmth and happiness that overflowed them both. He still wasn't used to the human blood like the rest of us, but he was dealing with it just fine. More than once I had seen a look on his face that implied he wished that he was able to give Alice a baby as well.

Emmett was unsurprisingly the funny uncle with his booming laugh that always scared little Renesmee at first, but then made her laugh with mirth at his stupid, though funny, grimaces.

And Rosalie… well, I didn't really want to deal with her. I heard from others how she and Jacob fought often about Renesmee, but that only reminded me of the Jacob situation which was also something I didn't want to deal with just yet.

I had seethed a warning to him, a warning that he'd better remember or he would rest in pieces under the Cullen residency. I knew about imprinting, I knew he had no choice and deep down I also knew there was no way he would mistreat her, but she was my little girl. He'd be dead in the blink of an eye if he dared to even have a single thought that was unnatural between a baby girl and a seventeen-year-old dog.

But still, I did not have the strength to deal any more with him when my wife was still lying unconscious, transforming into a vampire. We would deal with this together when the time came.

Rosalie, however, constantly tried to approach me and talk to me. I could hear her thoughts, she was trying to be nice, something which required a lot of effort for her. She was trying to make amends but I was not ready to even let her talk to me, much less forgive her. And since I could hear her thoughts, it was really hard for me to forgive someone who still did not realize what she had done wrong.

I touched Bella's limp hand which was getting colder as time passed. I traced each finger, stopping to the one with the ring, my mother's ring on it. I remembered our wedding, the time we spent on the isle of Esme before the drama of the pregnancy was on us.

No, I was definitely not a patient man any more. I wanted her to wake up right now.

"Hey."

I looked up, startled. I was so lost in my thoughts that I had heard no one approaching me.

"Can I come in?" Rosalie asked.

My immediate thought was to tell her no. The memory of her actions as well as her thoughts during Bella's pregnancy was still fresh, and I didn't want her anywhere near Bella any more.

But her thoughts now were filled with love for my daughter, even some affection for Bella.

"Sure," I said and I almost regretted it as I saw her standing next to the woman I loved.

Her head was full with questions about Bella, when she would wake up, if the transformation was going smoothly, if she was in pain.

"Alice said she'll be awake in less than ten hours but she can't be sure," I replied at her thoughts and scowled because my dear sister could be so certain about things that meant little to me, but so uncertain about the important ones.

"Good," Rosalie muttered.

I didn't have to wait long for her thoughts to turn to unpleasant memories and meaningless apologies.

"Edward, you know I just…"

"Save it, Rosalie," I cut her off because she just didn't get it.

I wasn't angry with her because she protected my child against all odds, because she risked Bella's life for the sake of my daughter. It was the thoughts that accompanied those actions that rendered me unable to forgive her. Even if she pretended like everything was okay now, I was the only one who knew about the passing, dark and unforgivable thoughts she had during Bella's pregnancy.

Unfortunately, while she did not speak, her thoughts were too loud for me to ignore.

"Why are you being like this? Everything is perfect now, isn't it? You have Bella and you have a daughter. Everything turned out for the best."

"But you didn't know that," I hissed.

"So what? If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have a daughter now and Bella would never forgive you for taking away her child," she hissed back.

I paused because she was right on that part.

"Yes," I said and she seemed surprised that I caved in so easily. "I am grateful to you for protecting the child from me," I looked away in pain as the guilt pierced through me once again. Every time I looked at Renesmee, the joy of the fatherhood was always mixed with the gut wrenching guilt of what would have happened had Bella not insisted against my will.

Rosalie seemed to gloat from my admittance of my gratitude towards her.

"But that doesn't mean I will forget, Rosalie."

Her mental satisfaction was short lived, as she looked at me in question.

"While you were trying very hard to conceal your thoughts from me," I went on, "you didn't manage to hide them all."

The panic in her thoughts matched the look of panic in her expression.

"I don't know what you mean," she said quietly.

"You know, I came so close to killing you, I am not sure how I managed to hold back," I seethed remembering every time her thoughts would have me crouching for an attack. "You should thank Alice, I guess," I said and came to stand right in front of her.

She didn't waver but her thoughts did.

"Why?"

"She was the one who stopped me from tearing you to pieces. Every time you thought nothing of Bella's death as long as you'd get to have a baby, Alice saw me ripping your head off. Every time you pictured Emmett and you with Bella's baby, Alice saw me lighting you on fire. Every time you thought of Bella's death as a mere, insignificant sacrifice for the sake of you getting a child, Alice saw me turning you into nothing."

Her eyes were wide and she was backing away, ready to defend herself if I chose to attack her now.

"If Bella had died," I said with difficulty as even the thought of that happening was crippling, "there would be no one to stop me from ending you."

I turned away from her sharply, not able to look at her anymore and remember her vile thoughts that had me raging inside. It was a close call, every single time. Alice would see me, clear and certain, tearing her to pieces and burning the remains. And she would stop me every time, reminding me that Bella was still there, alive and needing me to support her through this. It wouldn't help anyone my killing of Rosalie.

"So, yes," I told her with my back to her, "I am grateful that you saved my daughter. I have no reason to kill you now, and as you are family, I will try very hard to get past this."

I turned to look at her.

"And I will try very hard to forgive you one day," I added and saw her expression relax a little. She knew better than to expect more from me, she was glad she even got that much.

With a small, uncertain smile she turned to leave but my words stopped her.

"But Rosalie," I said and she turned to look at me once more.

"I will never forget."

The pain caused by my words was difficult to discern in her thoughts, but it was there.

And then it was successfully buried and concealed.