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I?m Not That Girl

Summary:
Despite the haze of time, I can still remember one of my first childhood memories.... Jane may seem like the perfect Volturi guard, but the thoughts of what’s really behind that sweet, yet sinister smile may surprise you…. Jane One-Shot Challenge


Notes:
I own NOTHING!!!


1. Chapter 1

Rating 5/5   Word Count 653   Review this Chapter

I’m Not That Girl

Nymphadora_Cullen

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Despite the haze of time, I can still remember one of my first childhood memories. It’s my mother and me, in a meadow of green grass, green as her eyes were, as mine used to be.

“Jane, dear,” she began in her soft, reassuring voice, “You can be anything you want to be. You are a strong, independent girl, capable of finding your way in this world. Nothing can hold you down.”

I was six.

Despite what happened when I was only sixteen, when my twin brother Alec and I got lost in the mountains of Italy, and were saved by Aro, who awoke our gifts during those three days of torture.

When we became vampires.

Ever since I could remember, Alec and I had done everything together. We had been born together, just seconds apart. We play together as children, sat together in school. And we died together when the poison invaded our bodies, turned us into the spiteful creatures we became today. Even our gifts, after the painful transformation went together.

However, there was one thing that we didn’t do together, and that was how we settled with the Volturi.

Alec mixed with the other guards like a droplet of rain mixing in a river; like the others, he used his powers upon others, vampires who Aro deemed “worthy” of a painless demise.

I was not the same. Yes, I smiled my sweetest smile for every vampire I met, and they’d crumple, withering in agony as their minds assaulted them with pain that their body would never feel. But deep down, I felt worse than they did. Even when they screamed, begged for mercy, or stayed silent, flopping like a fish in a rowboat.

They didn’t know my pain.

The pain of losing your family, your life, everything as each memory faded with each passing hour, month and year. The pain of watching the last connection to your past change before your very eyes, becoming less like the brother you loved, and more like the other killers, murderers in almost every way….

Except you cannot kill what is already dead.

To me, Alec was slowly melting irrevocably away into a mist that, no matter how I tried, I couldn’t save him from. So, I sent my pain forward. I gave pain to those who’d never know my suffering, ending my sessions with the same thought.

You don’t know my pain.

Most of them never knew about that little extra thought, though. Occasionally, someone would hear it, like Edward the mind-reader had that one time, when his human lover had come to rescue him. But usually they never did. It was my secret, and that was how I wanted it.

Not that it mattered.

When I was alone, I suffered in silence. I never dwelled on the present; instead, I’d try to conjure up my mother’s face, and wish for a freedom I knew I’d never have. I’d leave forever, walk out those doors and never return, if only one thing didn’t hold me back.

Alec.

He was part of me; he was that last connection to my past. He was so much like our parents….

Mother once told me how strong I was.

“Nothing can hold you down….”

You cannot kill what is already dead. To me, Alec is all but dead.

I don’t know how to stop him, to have him leave with me. He loves this place too much; his roots I fear got too deep for me to unhinge.

Alec keeps me here. I cannot leave him. I know I will go crazy it I remain here, but I must stay, even if the brother I love is a shadow, a ghost of his former self.

He may be older, but I am his caregiver.

“Nothing can hold you down….”

Who was I kidding, thinking I could leave?

I’m not that girl….