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Right or Wrong?

Summary:
Right or Wrong? Thanks to eternitys_charm for the crazy good banner! Bella Swan is your average teenage girl with a boyfriend named Jacob and a semi perfect life. But what if that perfect life she's come to love is all an illusion and she's just afraid to admit the truth? Edward is gorgeous popular and rich and he's the object of Bella's hate and the only one who see's the real her. When tragedy strikes will Bellla finally see the light and just admit she really loves Edward? Love has consequences but for her it's better then living a lie. Spoiler!Go to my bio to see a sneak peek on the sequel to this story! (All human! Rated teen for some strong language and mature themes.) Thanks to all my faithful reviewers! Next Chapter will soon be up!


Notes:


18. Getting Better is hard to do.

Rating 4/5   Word Count 1038   Review this Chapter

Days pass and then weeks and then months, filled with the nothing. Nothing at all. The only reason I haven’t shriveled up and died yet is because of my babies, my sweet little Edward’s. When they turn a year old they say their first word- “daddy.” I can barely even look at them though, it hurts so much to be without Edward, taking care of the beautiful faces with the absurd likeness of him. Days are drowned in hidden tears and trying to hold it together, I don’t even remember the last time I laughed. When I try to pull myself out of my zombie like trance, I feel almost guilty. Wrong. Then I see the look in November and Abel’s eyes when they see me in pain and somehow I just know, someday im going to have to move on. Slowly the days creep up on me and I find myself tired and blank. I need to live. I need to go on. Edward wouldn’t want this…he wouldn’t want me to suffer. I can feel a little spark of happiness growing inside me, especially when I look at the kids and I see there smiling faces.

Six months after Edward’s letter November comes up to me and grabs my hand. I look into her green eyes and start to cry softly, Abel hears and stumbles to the room.

“Mommy? Mommy?” She cries softly and I feel that little spark burst into a ball of life.

“Sad? Sad mommy?” November tugs on my finger and pulls me down to her, grabbing my hair in her little hands.

“No baby mommy’s not sad anymore, she just misses daddy.”

“Daddy!” She screams with a wide toothless smile on her face.

From there I pull myself from that deep dark pit into the light around me. The joy and the laughter slowly start to come back, not for me though, for my babies. The first time I see my dad after that day he immediately senses my struggle to accept the pain. We sit down on the little couch in my old house and I try to give him a convincing smile.

“Bella. Are you okay?” He asks concerned.

“Yeah im doing fine. Better.” I try to hold back the waiting tears.

“When you’re mother died Bella. I didn’t know how I was going to live. My life was over as far as I was concerned. But then as I saw you grow up and I saw how much you looked like her and talked like her and acted like her and I realized that she never left me at all because she was always in you. Live Bell…live for Abel…live for November…live for Edward.” My dad’s eyes were swollen and tired and thought of how exhausted he must be from always seeing me hurting. I don’t know what I would do if I lost him too. So I decided to live. For November, Abel, Edward, dad and for myself. That night I wrote everything down, I wrote it all for him to see.

Dear Edward, I remember the first day you sat by me in freshman year. You were so confident and sweet. I couldn’t stand how good you were, you were too good for a plain girl like me. I made you think that I hated you because I was too afraid that you would hate me. I should’ve seen that you loved me, I should’ve seen that you were meant for me. Do you think if I would’ve given in earlier we wouldn’t be in this mess? I wish I had more time with you, I wish I knew. I can’t believe you’re gone now. Our time has run out. Did we waist it? I don’t think so. I don’t think anyone could have loved another the way I loved you and you loved me. It was immeasurable. Sometimes I can feel you with me though, I can almost hear you’re voice whispering in my ear, then I snap back to reality and you’re gone. My heart rips in pieces just thinking about the day you left us, the day you waved goodbye. The last time I got to see you’re beautiful smile, kiss you’re lips, touch you, hold you. It all seems like a dream now. Like you were some amazing dream that god blessed me with. Why’d you have to leave love? Why’d you have to go? I’m so lost without your soul, with out your touch, without your kisses, that I never want to escape your love. I looked out the window yesterday, expecting to see the sun, but all I saw was that dreadful darkness that shields my life from the wonderful sun. You lit up my world love, you made everything right and now that you’re gone my whole existence has become just one lonely, loveless place. Except for the two little lives you left behind for me. Yesterday November cried for you. She doesn’t want to see her mommy sad anymore, she doesn’t want daddy to be gone. There’s only one of those things that I can change now and im going to do whatever I can to make her happy, to make both of them happy. The only thing that keeps me sane- my sun, my earth, my life is November and Abel. They look so much like you it hurts, but at the same time it’s so unbelievably breathtaking that it gives me that little push to go on, to be happy. I taught them how to say daddy, and they walk around the house like it’s theirs. You would be so proud to see them today, they are just how we imagined them. Watch them and keep them safe, where ever you are. I love you forever, Bella

I tucked the letter underneath my pillow and fell sound asleep next to November and Abel. I dreamed about him, holding the babies when they were first born. He turned to me and smiled his crooked charming smile.

“I love you too Bella.” He whispered. “Live for me.” And just like that he kissed each baby on the cheek, squeezed my hand and then walked through the door, swallowed by light.