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Emmett Vs. Barney

Emmett and Alice get stuck in having to take Nessie to see a barney show. Emmett hates barney and can't stand the show. Alice has a vision of Emmett going crazy. When Nessie has to go to the bathroom Alice chews Emmett out.... or does she side with him?


1. The show

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 1033   Review this Chapter

Emmett's Point of View


“Because Carlisle's working, Esme's redoing the exterior of the house, Edward's watching Jacob cause he's sick, you know how Bella is about that, and Jasper's going shopping with Rosalie and Bella to redo Renesme's wardrobe. What wrong with it anyway?”

I grumbled. Every other day no one, absolutely NO ONE is doing anything, and the one day IT comes to town, I'm the only one, besides Alice, that's not doing anything.

I grumbled all the way there. Renesme laughed, giggled, and bounced in her seat all the way there.

We had our way enough that we were able to nab a couple of seats up front.

Whatever we did we could not keep Renesme still. Look over here, look over there, bounce up and down, and laugh while doing so. Pretty annoying if you ask me. Alice just laughed along with her.

Finally the light's dimmed down and Kid music started melting out of the speakers.

Renesme finally pipped down and sat still.

The purple curtains opened and some woman in a purple suitish thing came out.


The crowd roared, Renesme being the loudest.

A purple blob with green spot's came into view, laughing like he was gay.

I shuddered, how was I going to make it through?! A whole two or three hours of this...


“I don't want to hear it.” She said in her 'Shut-up-and-act-like-this-is-the-best-thing-in-the-world' voice.

I sighed and sank back in my seat, which was rather hard to do considering my size.

After the opening song, a really horrible skit, and four more annoying songs, I saw Alice shift in her seat.

I looked at her. She was having a vision. And I knew what it was... cause it was about me. She slowly turned her head to me.

“Don't. You. Dare.” she snarled under her breath, but just loud enough for me to hear.

Renesme had to go to the bathroom. She dragged me along with them.

While Nessie was in the bathroom Alice was chewing me out.

“Emmett, do you know what would happen if you were to do that?!! With I don't know how many people watching?! ...well then again, I suppose if you were fast enough.. and had some extra help...”

“Whoa! Hold on a sec Alice, are you saying, that you're going to help me?” I asked with complete curiosity.

“No, Em.. I'm saying you're going to split in two so you and yourself can. OF COURSE I'm going to help you!!! After the first five minuets I thought I was going to lose my mind!!”

“So how are we going to pull this off? Just run up and attack him?”

“No, I'll think of something. When I give you the signal just follow my lead. BUT NOT UNTILL!!!”

Just then Nessie yelled for Alice to help her wash her hands. I just nodded.

The show was more then half over. I looked over at Alice and finally, FINALLY, she nodded. She leaned and whispered in Nessie's ear that her and Uncle Emmett had to go help Barney and that she was to stay here and be a good little girl and that if she did so she could go see Jake. She giggled and promised.

Alice took the left and told me to take the right, But we'd have to run or else we'd be seen. I aim high. She aims low.

We took off. We slowed, only a little so the guy wouldn't get too hurt. Alice hit his feet from the left, and I hit the upper torso from the right. He hit the stage with a crash. You could hear the crowd gasp then murmur to each other.

We stood on the side lines out of sight till he got back up. Then we did the same thing but from the opposite side.

We heard a little kid from somewhere say “OH NO! BARNEY'S DRU-U-U-NK!!”

The crowd was starting to worry that he really was drunk. I did everything I could to keep from laughing.

When he was up we waited about thirty seconds then we started over.

Alice ran by and grabbed his head off: The kids started crying.

I ran by and ripped off his tail. The kid from before yelled: “BARNEY'S FALLING APART!!! AAHHHHHH!!!!”

The rest of the kids joined in with him. “AAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” Including Nessie. She was close to tears.

The parents were rushing to get the kids out of there, and I really don't blame then. They're all more than likely glad it's over early!

We stopped clowning around and ended with knocking him over one more time.

We went down to Renesme. She was crying.

“Aww, Nessie. Don't cry!”

“But you and aunt Alice hurt Mr. Barney. Now on one likes him no more!”

“Well, since you stayed here like a good girl I'll keep my promise and we can go see Jake.” Alice the life saver.

“YAY! YAY! SEE JAKE! SEE JAKE!” She started pulling on my and Alice's hands. She chanted his name all the way to La Push.

After Visiting Jake and Edward, we went home, and were forced to watch nothing but Barney until everyone got back.

Sometime during the first hour I was watching Alice change videos, and something inside me just clicked. It's not Rose, I thought, It's Alice. I just stared at her.

After about ten minuets she twitched, another vision, She looked at me and said “Emmett....” I leaned down to kiss her... and that was when every one decided to come home.

Bella and Edward didn't really notice us, they were to busy staring at each-other. Carlisle and Esme looked like they had just seen a ghost. And Jasper and Rose... just looked at each-other.....