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Crumble

Summary:
Edward leaves Bella and goes to their meadow for what he believes is his last time.


Notes:


1. Chapter 1

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1296   Review this Chapter

As I ran away from Bella I couldn't help but feel a crashing in my body, if I had a heart I'm sure it would be paining me in the most uncomfortable way. But at least I was doing this for Bella, she would get over it when I wouldn't, she would marry someone and have a family like she should without me.

I reached the meadow in record time; my pain was pushing me faster than usual. I collapsed onto the ground, dry sobs finally wrenching their way out of my body. I partly expected Alice to send someone to find me, like Esme. But then again she probably knows that I need my time alone, to decide how I'm going to live without Bella. Ah, just her name shattered my unbeating heart in the most violent way. I closed my eyes and let the invisible tears stream down my face.

I would have to learn how to live without her. But what could I do when my purpose for living was out of reach? I could go to the Volturi again. But she is still alive, and it would disappoint my family; which I don't understand because I'll just cause them more pain by having them see me like this. Maybe it would actually cause Rosalie a bit of glee though; she always envied Bella in a very unwelcoming way, now she would be the best all the time.

I would have to go away, somewhere where no one will think of me, and I can grieve alone. A place where she would never go. I'll go to South America, I can certainly speak any of the languages down there, and she would never go out of the country.

I can track a little too. I'll just keep an eye on Victoria. I can't have her anywhere near her, but if I just watch out for Victoria I can keep her safe for the most part. She'll most likely fall every once-in-a-while. I pray to whatever there is, or isn't, that she will not hurt herself. I couldn't live with the pain knowing that I didn't protect her when I left. But she will be safer now that there aren't vampires in her direct area, 'vegitarian' or not, and I'll prevent any dangerous ones from getting near to her. I can do this.

I opened my eyes only to let a new wave of pain embrace me. Seeing the meadow reminded me of the first time I brought her here and the way she looked at me like she loved me. She could never love me as much as I love her. It reminded me of the sacrifice I made of not draining her right there and then, and the sacrifice I'm making right now, both were to protect her.

A danger magnet is what she is, but I won't have to worry about that anymore. Someone else will protect her from herself, like Newton; his thoughts were at least a little genuine, and he worshipped her. Any boy from her school would take her in, they would be crazy not to.

Nostalgia was already overwhelming me. I wanted so bad to go back a talk to her, but she was probably cooking Charlie dinner and going about her normal life. I knew she would miss me at first, but the fact that it was a clean break will help her get over it in a week or so, she probably won't even remember my name.

My own thoughts were making me wince. Telling myself that she won't remember me isn't doing anything good for my mental health, but it had to be this way. I was doing this for her sake and not for my sanity. She'll be better off not thinking she has to be with me every moment of the day, better off not feeling unprotected with me around. It's not that I wasn't doing my best, it was just that I couldn't protect her from myself. Anytime that I would kiss her I could crush her if I moved the wrong way, but more importantly her blood just smelled so appetizing that anytime I was even near her, the monster in me tried to take over, and I couldn't expose her to that.

My choice was right for her and not for me. But I would sacrifice all the comfort in the world before I would threaten her life again, she was too important. Like I’ve said before, masochistic.

I could feel all hope for happiness leave my now truly dead body. I can never play the piano again, I can never look at another freesia and I can't go back to Forks. All these things reminded me too much of her.

This was the true Romeo and Juliet story, but without death, and with more pain. We were forbidden by no one in particular to stay away from eachother, but against all nature we couldn't stay away for long. Instead of a fake death driving us apart it was a fake loss of love on my part. I told her I didn't love her, but I could see that that was the only way for her to let me go, and she did. Another difference is that she'll get Paris. She'll have a second chance, and the real life she should have had, had I not existed.

I'm forever grateful that Carlisle would be willing to leave Forks for me. We all had a sort of attachment to this little town, some larger than others, but none of us wanted to leave. I didn't deserve my family, they cared for me way too much. They cared for a depressed vampire that read their minds when they didn't want him to, they cared for a selfish vampire that only did the things he thought were right for them (besides listening to Carlisle). They were blind.

There were a few things I'd miss about this town. This meadow, and my love. She would forever overbear my thoughts causing me to shake convulsively. But I will never bring myself to regret having been with her those months, though too short. That will be the highlight of my life, the times where I was with her.

There's a feeling surrounding my body now that I didn't recognize until I met her. It's a hallow feeling that when you don't know what's causing it, you don't know what it is. But I know that this was caused by the loss of my love. I felt such an emptiness that I didn't feel anything else. I coursed through by body numbing the pain for a moment, but leaving a bigger scar than before. I will never be able to erase this pain that I am inflicting on myself, it's just too great of a pain.

Thank goodness Jasper already left. I wouldn't want my brother to feel this, and he never will. He's the person I'll stay away from until I can control myself, but he won't feel it because Alice will never leave him, and he will never leave her. They have no need to leave eachother. They have eternity, whereas I had a few months.

I accepted the new found numbness deeper into my body, I can do this. I'm sure my face was as blank and absent as my mind was. All I thought of was nothing. Nothing encompassed me.

I got up to leave knowing that I will never come back, but I will love her until the day she dies, and that is the day I will die. I will never Forget Isabella Swan.