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Loss, The Agony Of Seperation

Summary:
Edward is sat in a cafe in Washington, so he can be close to Bella in some small way. He sees her on her bike, and hides, as if I never existed he reminds himself. she is a totally changed person, he shocked at what she has become and even more shocked at her new boyfriend. Will all promises go unbroken?


Notes:
Review if you enjoyed or not, I wrote this on my last day of freedom. Back to school tomorrow :(


1. Chapter 1

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 1571   Review this Chapter

Pain, the only thing I felt anymore. Loss, the agony of separation. I sat alone shying away from the outside world, the human world, the vampire world. Close, I was too close to her. Why did I do this to myself? It was unnecessary pain, self harm almost.

I had never got any closer than this Washington Collage café, I wouldn’t let myself. I promised her, I made a promise, no reminders, it will be as if I never existed. If I violated my side, what is to stop her violating hers? I shivered as fresh pain and horror washed over me. Bella harming herself, to unbearable to think about.

Since the pain was ripping at me already my mind decided to punish me further, memories of the end slipped into my mind, I tried to push them away. But they flooded me, Bellas crumpled face when I told her of distractions, I smiled as I said it. Bella reaching for me. Bella was the reason I was doing this, this was for her, she would have a normal life, she would grow old have children, she would stay human. She would not be damned to an eternity of darkness.

“Your coffee.” a young blond waitress smiled as she handed me a scalding-to humans anyway-cup of coffee. I watched the steam rise from the cup, I felt the heat slowly turning my hands to almost human temperature. Poor guy, man he looks in pain. His face looks dead the young waitress thought, I saw myself in her mind, I did look dead. I felt dead. I almost want to give him a hug, someone has probably died. . . I tuned her voice out. I tuned all their voices out.

I sat in the café for a long time. My coffee cup, my prop, turned cold in my hands. My hands crept back to my normal temperature also. Collage students filtered in to the small space, I sat alone, desolate, not wanting any company, from any one in this world, except from hers.

I kept my eyes on my cold coffee, I kept my thoughts on happier times. The happiest times I had. Mine and Bellas time. The bell above the door ringed, signalling the arrival of more students.

A roar outside caught my attention, a roar of a motorbike, it did not sound like a growl of anger from one of my kind, but my mind distorted it. Turning the innocent roar of the motorbike into a feral ripping from the chest of one of us, come to finish me off, to end my pain.

A bright red motorbike caught my eye, it flew past the window, too fast, the girl on the motorbike looked exhilarated and alive, but not happy, there was a deep sadness in her chocolate brown eyes. Only someone who had gazed into those particular eyes a thousand time could spot it, she kept it well hidden. Bellas eyes told me she was in pain.

The girl on the bike sped past the café, with no helmet on, mahogany hair billowing behind her. Looked briefly at the sign on the café and skidded the bike to a stop on the curb outside.

Bella was here, I had not seen her in months, it killed me to be so far away from her, from the only thing I care about in life, that’s why I came here, hiding, so I could feel, in some small way close to her. I could not let her see me, to break my promise would be tempting fate, why would she keep her end of the bargain if I did not? Why was Bella here?

The answer drove down the road as I went to hide in the back of the crowded cafe, the darker area where a light bulb had conveniently bust, with no windows, no one sat here and if Bella looked back here I would hide under the table, cowardly? Yes, but necessary nonetheless.

Behind Bella, a coach load of people from Forks emerged. They must have been on a school trip, so why was Bella on a bike? The coach stopped in the parking lot across the street, as they emerged I recognised the familiar faces of the people I once went to school with, it felt like a lifetime ago now.

“So, are you thinking of going to Washington collage then?” Angela Webber asked Jessica Stanley. Jess’s thoughts were far away, on Bella. What is she doing on that bike again? Does the think she looks sexy? She does, but she knows it. Jealousy saturated Jessica’s voice, it soon turned into smugness as Mr Varner made a bee line for Bella, his thoughts furious. “It is one thing to skip school Isabella Swan!” Bella was still sat on her bike her face lightly amused. “But to come on a school trip, without being invited, showing up on that-thing!” he spluttered.

Bella smiled an easy gentle smile, it did not reach her eyes. “I’m not wearing a helmet either” Bella said in a defiant voice, mocking Mr Varner, “why don’t you call my father to arrest me?” She goaded him, her eyes lit up, she really meant it. We all know your father can’t control you, I miss when you used to be lifeless. A mental image of Bella flashed into Mr Varner’s mind, she looked like an empty shell, life had deserted her. I had deserted her. Much easier to deal with, who knew she would turn into this.

Bella looked disappointed as Mr Varner stomped off, disappointed that he had not challenged her. Bella was still straddling the bike, with tight jeans on and a blue sweater that was very familiar. Mike Newton walked up to Bella, in awe. She is much better now, she’s alive again, everyone can see it, I wonder how far it will go before she dies again. Mike’s mental voice startled me, died? How could Bella have died?

A quick probe into Mike’s mind showed me that was what he called it when she surrendered to the pain. The pain of losing me. What had I done to Bella? I didn’t think she would take it well, but I did not think she would take it like this.

Bella swung one leg over the side of her bike and stepped into the busy road. A car beeped and screeched to a stop, Bella stayed absolutely still looked the driver in the eyes, as if she was egging him on and started laughing, hysterically. She shook her hair out and stepped on to the sidewalk, then spotted Mike approaching her.

“You’re going to give them a heart attack one day you know Bella” Mike grinned at her, I bet her boyfriend’s here somewhere. Boyfriend? I had not been expecting this, Mike did not know his name so he didn’t go to there school, so was he older, or just went to a different school?

Jealousy overwhelmed me, a small annoying voice in the back of my mind told me this is exactly what I wanted, her to move on, to have a normal life to be happy. She didn’t look happy, and yet she smiled, “Them?” she questioned Mike.

Your dad, your mum, the police, the school “Any kind of authority” he smirked at her. Ever since after he left, after the zombie phase. More disturbing mental pictures of Bella.

“So, are you going to this collage Mike?” She made small talk as she looked around for someone, jumping back onto her bike. And standing on the peddles to make her self taller. I bet you won’t go to collage, you’ll probably travel with him. “No I’m all for getting out of Forks, I thought you were to?”

This shocked her, and determination filled her face, “I can’t leave Forks.” Her tone closed the conversation. Still waiting for him. Mike though absently.

Bella appeared to have found what she wanted, as a smile came across her face, not my smile the one I loved. A different smile, one that had formed in my absence, a different persons smile. A different Bella.

A man caught her smile and threw one back at her, he was around twenty five and heavily built. I could crush him. But I wouldn’t, he had dark hair which he wore short, he strode up to Bella as if he owned her.

“Dave!” She greeted

“Bella” He reached up to pull her off her bike, being rough with her. She fell awkwardly, half on to the pavement, half into his arms. She looked into his eyes, her filled with excitement, even though he had just hurt her. Anger brewed inside me, I wanted to rip his head off. He pulled her into a passionate kiss, and for the first time I heard his train of thought.

I will try not to but sometimes she really does deserve it, sometimes feels like she enjoys it she laughs always, hysterically. I will try not to hurt Bella but sometimes she eggs me on, forces me to.

If I could have been sick, I would have been. Mental images of all the times he had hit Bella, how she laughed all the way through it as if he was tickling her. How the harder she laughed, the harder he hit. How she did egg him on, as if she enjoyed the beating, how she showed off the bruises. How she craved the danger.

I raised from my seat and took the first steps towards the outside world.