Tearing Me Apart
What happens when everything that you've dreamed of comes true? What happens when it's then taken away from you? Alice & Bella // Bella's POV
2. This Is The Calming Before The Storm
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Title: Tearing Me Apart
Pairing: Bella/Alice, mentions of Bella/Edward & Alice/Jasper
Summary: What happens when everything you’ve dreamt of comes true? What happens when it's taken away from you? (Bella's POV)
Disclaimer: Everything is owned by Stephenie Meyer. I'm just borrowing them.
Author’s Note: I guess I should make it clear that the writing in italics is the present, bitter Bella whereas the normal font is the past. Thank you for reading and reviewing.
Chapter Two: This Is The Calming Before The Storm
Breathe in – hold it. I wonder how long I can go on without having to breathe? It’s so unfair that I have to go on living like this, reminding me to breathe while she’s off somewhere; not needing to breathe to live. To exist. Because, the truth is, she will live on forever whereas I ...
Sometimes – breathe out – I make up my mind about jumping off a cliff, of cutting my wrists; of simply harming myself just to see if she would come back for me.
There are other times where I just sit and wonder about where she is and what is she doing. That’s one of the things that hurt me the most yet still keep me from killing myself. It’s all about her. Even if I can’t be with her at this very moment, I can still imagine her beautiful face. The perfect architecture of her. I can even pretend she just went off for a moment to hunt, and that she’ll be back in a few minutes.
Then I look in the mirror and see myself. See the remnants of what I used to be. See the ghosts of a person that lived long ago. I see what pain and suffering have done to my face, to my body; to me.
I remember what she did to me.
“Alice!” I shouted with all that I could, marching towards the door and up the stairs towards her room. “Alice!” I screamed with so much more force as I opened the door, that I even surprised her. She just looked at me with wide jet-black eyes that only lasted a second before she closed her eyes, and opened them to gold ones.
I closed the door, wincing as I heard the sound; hoping that this wasn’t a tragic symbolism of some sort.
I leaned against the dark, hard wood and just looked over at my vampire with no hope, with no effort to do anything anymore; with no life left in me.
The whole situation left me drained.
There she stood, even at a time like this, like a beautiful angel. Her gaze returned to the outside world through the window, her mind focused on me, her visions stuck in the future and what-ifs.
Her lip quivered and I frowned. My feet shuffled towards her automatically, my mind not even registering the movements. The sole reason for not getting too close was the sight of her outstretched arms in the universal sign for stopping.
“Alice?” I asked, this time my voice barely even a whisper.
“I can’t do this Bella,” she started, “I can’t do this anymore.”
“You?” my eyes widening at her choice of lexis, “what about me?” I asked, despite knowing how selfish I was being.
But I never claimed of being perfect, did I? I wasn’t a Cullen and I never would be. Especially not now and with how things were turning out.
“Bella,” she sighed, before turning towards her bed and sitting down, her head cradled between her hands. Her hard, marble, pale hands.
I gulped, before doing the same.
“I – “
“Don’t,” she said with such force that I was taken aback. Her eyes the same blackness that I had witnessed when I first entered the room. “Don’t you dare.”
“But I do! Why won’t you believe me? What do you want me to do?” I asked, my voice coating in desperation, my movements synonymous with fragile. “Tell me, Alice. What more do you want from me?”
Those words still haunt me to this day.
Her silence plagues my dreams even now.
I’m sorry, I meant nightmares. She’s always standing just out of reach, and no matter how fast I run, no matter how loud I shout, she always leaves.
Her dark eyes simply looking at me with a look of apathy written all over her face.
But – God – what I wouldn’t give to even touch her when I’m asleep. To know that all those times we spent together where not a figment of my imagination.
To know those words were spoken.
To know those arms were really safely around me.
To know that her love was real.
To know my love was real – to know that it still is.
I guess in some ways I’ve been lucky. To feel something as strong as what I am feeling is not a common occurrence. Being lied to though, to be kicked when you’re down, to be left – though – is common. And I have been no exception.
But I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Because I’m still here.
Breathe out – Repeat.
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