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Tearing Me Apart

Summary:
What happens when everything that you've dreamed of comes true? What happens when it's then taken away from you? Alice & Bella // Bella's POVBella & Alice


Notes:


3. I Will Wrap You In My Arms

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Chapter Three: I Will Wrap You In My Arms

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It’s nights like these that those memories come back and hit me full blast. Nights like these were I re-live every single emotion; every single action; every single word.

My fingers stop typing those broken letters that form incoherent words on the computer; they stop as a soft, cold breeze makes its way towards me and wraps around my body in a comforting way. Reminding me of warmer, colder arms that held me close to their body.

Reminding me of the emptiness that they left behind.

My head automatically turns towards the open window, waiting for a sign – a sign that has been too many weeks too late. My eyes flutter shut as the gentle breeze massaged my face, the corner of my lips tugging upwards in reflex, a shadow of ghost of a smile being seen.

Smile.

Laughter.

Just two of many things that I haven’t been able to perform – to enjoy – for a long time now. Too long. Not since...

Shaking my head, I try to rid my thoughts of anything negative. Something very difficult, however, as my train of thought is always on a fast track to devastation. A train going so fast that I’m quite sure that sooner or later I’m going to crash; the collision so horrible that there will be no survivors.

Sometimes I think that perhaps this was for the best. This is why humans and vampires don’t mix, why they stay apart.

Why they never fall in love with each other.

Why she left me – once she realized what would have happened. Once she realized what was happening.

Once she thought of him.

Her silence draped over us like a black, thick sheet; a sheet that slowly clasped around my face and didn’t let me breathe, slowly sucking the life out of me. That’s what she was doing. All she had to do was answer. To form words that would answer the most gut-wrenching question I ever had to ask.

“Tell me, Alice. What more do you want from me?”

My hand taking hold of the glass of water I had next to the computer, vaguely realizing that I began to gulp down its contents.

I didn’t have the power – the courage – to repeat the question, so I just stayed put. My eyes desperately trying to catch her gaze, to make her look at me.

Her hands ran through her head as I saw her fingers shake just a bit. My forehead creased with worry as I took in that action, gulping down hardly as my heart decided to start running a marathon. An action that caused a low hiss from Alice. An action that caused her to look back at me with black, black eyes. An action that caused me to lean backwards, then forward again with no hesitation whatsoever.

“Tell me,” I softly whispered, my breath caressing her cold, pale face; her eyes half-lidded at the sensation that, that must have caused her. She shook her head slightly before getting up.

So fast, in fact, that by the time I realized she was already standing by her window, once again. Her eyes focused on something outside, her nostrils flaring with a scent, her mind focused on anywhere but the outside world. The reality that we would have to face; sometime, sooner or later.

A soft sob must have escaped me at the thought, as the next thing I knew Alice was back on the bed, her arms wrapped securely around me.

Just enough so that she wouldn’t hurt me.

Just enough so that she wouldn’t kill me.

Just enough so that her words would break me more than her actions ever did.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated over and over again, like it was some sort of litany. Like it was her lifeline. It wasn’t minutes afterwards when I realized what her apology was for.

Her soft, velvet voice not registering its meaning until it was too late.

That’s when the shaking of my head began, trying to convince her otherwise.

But she was immovable in her decision – just like her body.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated, her hands cradling my head, her thumbs furiously wiping away the stream of tears that begun to pour from my blue eyes.

Blue clashed with black as I desperately seeked for something that I could use, something that would make her see just how much she was hurting me. How quickly she was murdering me. Quickly, yet in such a slow and painful torture.

My jaw set, my arms snaking their way upwards until my hands cupped hers, bringing them down between us; my thumbs taking their turn to caress her upper hands.

“I love you.” Statement.

Loud and clear.

“Jasper.” Statement.

Loud and clear.

It’s nights like these that remind me of the day that I died inside. The reason for my execution rolling off my tongue uncomfortably.

My hand wrapped around the glass as if it were my lifeline.

My lifeline; unlike hers. Hers was words, unattainable. Mine was a material thing.

For tonight, as the memories took hold of me once again, this glass would be my best friend. It loved me unconditionally – I loved it unconditionally.

Or maybe not.

I found myself grasping the glass even tighter, willing it to break underneath all the pressure I was exerting.

And then it shattered. Simple as that.

It shattered into a million pieces, and I stood there transfixed at the beauty of it. Stood there and saw the light from my room reflecting off the pieces, causing thousands of tiny rainbows to form just below my eyes.

That’s when I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time –too long.

A thick, dark red liquid making its way down my hand.

My eyes widened at the side. My heart began thumping about wildly.

Blood.