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Tearing Me Apart

Summary:
What happens when everything that you've dreamed of comes true? What happens when it's then taken away from you? Alice & Bella // Bella's POVBella & Alice


Notes:


4. Waiting For Proof That There's Sunsets and Silhouette Dreams

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1189   Review this Chapter

Title: Tearing Me Apart
Author: Lovesfool
Fandom: Twilight
Pairing: Bella/Alice, mentions of Bella/Edward & Alice/Jasper
Rating: PG
Summary: What happens when everything you’ve dreamt of comes true? What happens when it's taken away from you? (Bella's POV)
Disclaimer:
Everything is owned by Stephenie Meyer. I'm just borrowing them.

Author’s Note: The writing in italics is the present, bitter Bella whereas the normal font is the past.

A sincere thank you to all those that take the time to leave a review and thanks to everyone for reading this.

Chapter 4: Waiting For Proof That There’s Sunsets and Silhouette Dreams

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Blood.

It just streamed down my hand, dropping down onto the carpet and forming little red circles. Leaving proof of what had just happened.

I stand there transfixed on what was going on, my mind not being able to function correctly.

I bring my hand up slowly towards my mouth, hesitating only a second before tasting my own blood. Salt and... and – and rust, I would say. I can’t really say that I see what the whole fascination is with it; I chuckle to myself at that thought. Classic Bella, thinking of everything that tore you apart.

Thinking of everything that had made you feel so alive.

Thinking of everything that had given your life meaning.

Thinking of everything that took that meaning away, and left you crumbling to the ground. Alone.

Still, she was everything I wanted, everything I had loved; everything that I will always love. Even if I weren’t for her. Even if I wasn’t enough for her. Even if I wasn’t who she wanted me to be.

Jasper. Jasper. Jasper. Jasper.

His name bouncing around in my head, rebounding off the walls in my mind.

My train of thought already derailed.

I shut my eyes tightly, not wanting to accept what I was hearing. I jumped as I felt a cold hand on my shoulder, but I quickly shrugged it away, not caring anymore about the look of hurt that flashed across Alice’s face. She didn’t care when she spoke his name, did she?

I turned my head and stared outside of the window, mimicking her previous movements. The sky was a clear blue today, a rare phenomenon for Forks but such an irony for our current situation. While it rained and wind thrashed around in my heart and soul, the sun was out in all its glory, warming every outer surface. But it wouldn’t reach me. Not now. Not for some time yet. Maybe not ever.

Jasper. Jasper. Jasper. Jasper.

Then it hit me.

She was right. Oh my God, she was so right. How could we do that to Jasper?

The one vampire that comforted everyone else, the one vampire that gave all of his emotions to try and keep the peace between everyone, to relieve everyone of their pain and to feel his own, tenfold. This vampire would have been caused so much misery if he ever found out. If Alice ever broke it off with him.

We couldn’t do that to him.

I couldn’t do that to him.

Alice couldn’t do that to him.

A past vision entered my head where Alice had almost sentenced us to death just so that Jasper would not face the Volturi and death. This was what it was all about. Jasper. Jasper and their big, romantic, epic love.

I leaned my head on the window, my deep, ragged breaths fogging up the window; my index fingers unconsciously doodling on it.

“Bella?” her melodic voice raised to a question, causing my eyes to automatically draw back to hers. Gold, again. “Please.”

I shrugged my shoulders in defeat, “what do you want me to say?”

She had nothing to reply.

“What more do you want me to do? Haven’t you hurt me enough? You want me to voice it as well?” I asked, knowing that, that was an unfair question but – honestly – I didn’t really care for fairness at the moment. She just tore out my heart and stepped all over it. She didn’t care. “You don’t love me,” I told her, a sneer on my lips, “you don’t care that you’re hurting me so that you can protect Jasper.”

“That’s not it at all,” she informed me, defending her thoughts and her actions; her words.

“Oh no?” I asked, my voice dripping with sarcasm, “let’s see. You entered my life like a whirlwind, caused me to fall in love with you as I was dating your brother, made me break his heart by wanting ‘time off,’ and now you’re erasing everything that had happened just because you are not brave enough to deal with Jasper?” my voice raised a few octaves as I finished the summary, knowing that Jasper did not deserve any of this. Knowing that Jasper was probably the best of us. “You know how much that hurt me last time!” I shouted, knowing that she knew I was referring to the time when Edward and the rest of the Cullens disappeared after he left me alone in the forest. Left me to deal with my pain. Living me to live a life without them.

“I – “ she began, but I cut her off. I was on a roll.

“Well you know what, Alice?” her name rolling off my tongue as if it were poison, “you’re right. We shouldn’t do this to Jasper. But I hate you. I really, really do.” And with that, I left her alone in shock. I left her just as her eyes became unfocused. I left her as she was just entering into a future world, where our present decisions just gave it a whole new dimension. I left just as she was probably envisioning Jasper and herself happy.

I ran as quickly as I could, I even stumbled as I took the stairs two by two, ignoring the Cullens’ voices crying out to me. Telling me to go back. Knowing that they could stop me if they wanted to; knowing that I didn’t.

Yes, I stumbled but for the first time I did not fall.

No.

I will not fall anymore.

I got in my truck and drove off. I drove off and left my heart behind.

I drove until I found a silver Volvo parked outside of my home.

Familiarity – I breathed.

The blood stopped and it started to clot. I wish I could say the same for my heart.

It has been a few weeks, what do I expect? A magical, quick recovery? That was unlikely.

Sitting on my bed, I switched on my radio and allowed Mayday Parade to embroider the silence of my room. Hoping it will do something about the negativity that was draped all over it.

Hoping that it would help me forget.

Knowing that I never could.

Knowing that “I have been begging for answers that you and only you can give to me..”

Author’s Note: Song by Mayday Parade is “You Be The Anchor That Keeps My Feet On The Ground, I'll Be The Wings That Keep Your Heart In The Clouds”