A Suicidal Romance
Name changed from 'A Beautiful Suicide'
Bella's suicide. But she's not so pathetic like in most stories. But there's a twist.....
1. The End
Rating 3.5/5 Word Count 1305 Review this Chapter
It was never an option. But yet it was the only option. For months I pushed and pushed it to the back of my mind. I told myself that it was not what I wanted. But I wanted to be happy, didn't I? Not really even happy, just not miserable. When I came so close to true happiness, it put the whole idea into a whole new perspective. Death. No. Suicide. I hated the word. But what else could I do? I wanted the suffering to stop. I would have done it months ago, if it wasn't for Charlie. He is really my only reason for any hesitation. My death would kill him too. He didn't have any other family. I was it. But he was fine without me before. What about Renee? She would be heart broken also. But she wouldn't be as devastated as Charlie. Renee has Phil. She is still young, Phil is even younger.
I always thought about Suicide as giving up. I always thought it was for weak people, people who weren't strong enough to get through there problems. Well that's what I was raised to think. Renee's cousin committed suicide, she wasn't close to him, and neither was I, but we still attended the funeral. The night before she had said to me that her cousin wasn't strong and had many problems and that he was a coward for taking his own life. I was only 14, easily brain washed. Charlie had the same opinion too. When I first moved to Forks, I was watching the news and it said about a 16 year old girl killing herself. Charlie said the same thing Renee had said. But now, I can't agree with them. I think that it may not be possible to just face the problem and move on to find a new happiness. I have had happiness. I had the greatest happiness ever imaginable. I didn't think it was possible to find a happiness that I felt with Edward. So when your true happiness is violently ripped away, what do you do? When it's been months and it still haunts you? I think that if I would commit suicide then it wouldn't be me giving up. It would be me ending my agony.
It would be obvious to everyone that I committed suicide because of Edward. I wouldn't have to say a thing about it. Everyone would just assume it. It was true. Charlie would be over taking with hatred for Edward Cullen. He most likely would try to contact him, and blame him for my suicide. But I really didn't want him to. Even know Edward doesn't love me and left me, doesn't mean he isn't a good man. I still think Edward is the genuine man I love even know he doesn't want me. Edward would feel guilty. I would have to write a very long and thoughtful note for Charlie explaining why I did it, and that no one, but myself, is to blame. Hopefully Edward would never even find out. It seemed like an obvious choice to write a note to Edward, telling him how much I loved him, but didn't hold him responsible. Like I said. I really didn't want him to know. I would write two long, loving and apologetic letters. One for Charlie and of course one for Renee.
But this wasn't about Charlie or Renee or Edward anymore. It was about me. My true happiness, or at least, satisfaction, only can be conquered by one thing. I wasn't trying to be pathetic and make anyone guilty. I just wanted this life to be over. There was nothing more out there for me, and I was unhappy. I didn't want to fight the tears. I didn't want to fake a smile. I was tired of crying and tired of the smiles. I was tired of living.
Charlie would be working late tonight. Lucky me. I sat down at the kitchen table with a pen and a few pieces of notebook paper. I fought back the tears as I wrote. Charlie's note had taken me a little over 50 minutes to write. It was 3 pages, front and back. Renee's was a little shorter. I sealed them in separate envelopes and placed them centered on the table.
I wasn't sure how I wanted to do this. I didn't want this death to be painful. I wanted it quick and clean. I didn't want Charlie to find my broken bloody body. That is something a father should never see. No, I wouldn't put Charlie through that. That would be cruel.
I took deep breathes as I climbed the staircase and into the bathroom. I looked at myself in the dirty mirror. My face was even paler then it use to be. My hair hang in front of my face. I often let it linger in front of my eyes, to hide the black circles under my eyes, from all the sleepless nights. I opened the mirror cabinet. I didn't want to see my broken reflection anymore, I'd had enough of that. There were many pill bottles. Some were prescription, some were over the counter drugs. I hadn't realized how any there really were. I grabbed as many as my weak hands could hold. That was only about 6. I took them and laid them on my bed. I went back for another 6. And I made another trip for a tall glass of water. I didn't know what most of the pills were for. I only ever had used the Advil and Nite Quil.
I sat with legs cross on my bed. Tears started to form behind my eyes, but I didn't cry. I stared at the dozen bottles of death. My sweetness wrapped in those bitter tablets. I inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. This is what I all comes down to. This is what I wanted wasn't it? "Yes it is. Yes it is Yes it its. Yes..." I repeated to myself out loud.
I started off with the Nite Quil. I slowly sipped the poison. Half way through the bottle I stopped. The taste was too disgusting. I started on a bottle of a random bottle of pills. I poured them into my palm. They were small and a faint light pink. I popped 3 into my mouth and brought the cup of water to my lips.
I continued on, it got the the point to where I was getting impatient. How many more pills would I have to swallow until it was enough? I knew I was getting close. My body felt weak.
In that second, my life in Forks came flooding back in flashes. My first day of School. When I saw him, the first time I saw his topaz, dazzling eyes. The first time he spoke to me. The first time he kissed me. The first time he said he loved me. Prom. The time when we watch Romeo and Juliet. When he told me that he would rather die then live in a world without me. And that I was the only thing that mattered to him, his only love. Then my last birthday, followed by when he said goodbye...
The horrid memories made me want to get my life over with sooner. Tears flooded and oozed down over my cheeks. I poured a huge handful of random pills. I raised my palm to my mouth when I felt ice. I felt something icy wrap around me wrist. I followed the hand with my eyes. Followed it up to it's face. I dazed into his liquid topaz golden eyes.
"Bella, you can not do this. I love you." He spoken. The beautiful velvety voice ran through out my body. In that instant I knew I was dead.....