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At all costs

Summary:
Edward will do anything to be prepared for his wedding night with Bella. Anything means anything right? So what will Edward's reaction be when Jasper suggests he enlists Tanya's help?


Notes:


1. Chapter 1

Rating 4/5   Word Count 1258   Review this Chapter

EPV

I was on a hunting trip with my brother’s Jasper and Emmett. Hunting was something that was purely a necessity now. Long gone were the days when I would relish the wind blowing through my hair as I ran. Those were the days before Bella Swan came into my life and changed almost every essence of me, for the better I might add.

And tonight she had changed me again. Last night, Bella had agreed to be my wife. I could tell that she was reluctant, but she agreed nonetheless. The thought of her walking down the aisle towards me, made me shiver in delight. She would finally be completely and totally mine.

“What’s making you so ecstatic Edward?” This thought came from Jasper, the one person, apart from Bella I could never withhold my mood from. I had not yet told them about Bella’s answer, wanting to keep my joy, and my thoughts, to myself for a little longer. I decided to tell them now.

“Well… I have a favour to ask of you both.” I decided to play it out a little longer.

“Spit it out Ed, I think I smell some Elk over there.” Emmett was apparently getting impatient, and from the look on Jaspers face, he was also.

“I wanted to ask you both if you would do me the honour of being my Best Men?” I smirked

“You can’t have two best men Edward, don’t be stupid! It’s either me or Jasper” Emmett was pouting now, resembling a sulking teddy bear just as Bella had once described him. I simply rolled my eyes, wondering when Emmett would understand my question and the meaning behind it.

“You’re an idiot Em, Edward’s getting married!” Jasper had obviously gotten the point quicker than Emmett.

There minds were a series of exclamations ranging from, “Oh wow” to a simple “Congratulations!”

“That’s great Edward! I can’t wait! I knew this would happen sooner or later man!” Emmett said while punching me on the arm in a brotherly fashion. I grinned back at him. I was marrying my one and only love, my Bella. My world was finally complete.

“Thanks Em” I said, returning the playful punch. Jasper was silent; instead he chose to congratulate me in his thoughts.

And then I remembered Bella’s one request, and my mood suddenly dipped. Jasper had obviously noticed.

“What’s wrong Edward?” he asked.

“She wants us… to consummate the marriage.” I ran my fingers through my hair. Embarrassed, but glad that I would not have to explain any further, both my brothers knew the consequences of Bella and I together in that way. It would surely result in her demise.

“Oh” said Emmett simply. “But can’t you just do it after you change her?”

“No, she wants to experience it human, it’s a condition she had requested in response to my proposal, and to me changing her. I simply could not refuse her.” I was scared. Why couldn’t Bella understand that I would lose control, that I would hurt her for heavens sake! Of course, she “trusted me”. She had a lot more faith in me than I did myself.

“You’re not actually considering this are you Edward!” Jasper’s face was a mask of shock. His thoughts were of me hovering over Bella, my own face a picture of ecstasy and pleasure, then of me kissing her face, her jaw, her neck. Then the Bella in Jasper’s thoughts screamed. I groaned.

“Please stop with the visuals Jasper, I already know what will happen.” I started pacing up and own on the forest floor. “I don’t know what to do! She will not let this go! Obviously I want this too, but I thought we would wait until she was changed, and a lot less fragile! How could I have let this happen!”

“Sorry” Jasper mumbled.

My own mind began to work. I couldn’t let Bella down, but there was no way I was strong enough to make love to her and concentrate on not hurting her, it was impossible! I imagined all the different possibilities for myself, all of them involving her lifeless body beneath me.

“Well, if anyone can do it you can Ed, you love her too damn much to hurt a hair on her pretty head.” Emmett smiled at me. “And even if you did hurt her, at least she’d go out with a bang!” He then quipped.

I groaned again and glared at him, needing no words to display how I felt at that moment. “This is far from funny Emmett, what if I kill her! What can I do?” I all but shouted.

Visions of Bella and I together now flashed through Emmett’s mind, all of them crude, and none of them depicting how beautiful our lovemaking would actually be. If I didn’t kill her, that is.

Just as I was about to rip Emmett’s head from his shoulders, Jasper’s mind spoke to me.

You could always ask the Denali sisters, I’m sure Tanya would love to help you, and they have experience in your situation”. Visions of Tanya’s “help” flashed through his head.

“Sorry” he mumbled again, as he felt my outrage directed towards him.

“Will you two cut it out! You know I hate being left out of your little conversations!”

“Oh you didn’t miss much Emmett, Jasper was just suggesting that I sleep with Tanya is all” I sarcastically remarked.

But then, the idea ran through my head. If I did sleep with Tanya, I would be more prepared for the emotions I would be feeling when I made love to Bella, being more prepared meant less chance of hurting her. The monster within me was back to haunt me again.

But there was no way I could do that to Bella, it would destroy her if she were to find out, and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing that I had caused her pain, albeit not physical. But… there would be less chance of my loss of control, I argued internally. And she would never need to know, she would just be happy that I met her demand…

“Edward! Your emotions are driving me crazy! Will you please explain?” Jasper looked curious with a hint of anger.

I explained to them both what I had thought to myself.

“If Bella found out, it’d be your funeral man. She’d tear your ass to pieces herself and light you up!” Emmett warned.

“Bella could never be told.” I growled, as much of a warning to them to keep their mouths shut as anything. “I have to do anything I can to keep Bella alive! I will do whatever it takes, there is no other way!” I was dry sobbing now, faced with my decision. It would hurt and disgust me to have to lie to Bella, but I could never tell her, it had to be kept a secret.

I also thought about the fact I would be losing my virginity to someone other than the one I loved, but I would have to think of this as practice. It would merely be a way to save Bella’s life. The loss of my virtue meant nothing to me if it meant keeping me from taking Bella’s life. I had to do it; it was the only way I could think of. Thinking of myself right now would be selfish, this was all for Bella.