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The Big Hellsing: The Forks Affair.

There is a war being fought, in the gloomiest night and in the darkest shadows. From the forests of Washington to the streets of London, lives and unlives are ended as the war continues. From the Vatican's splendor to Volterra's darkened halls, the machine of war grinds on. There is a war raging between the beautiful, glittering Unstet and the savage, voracious Nosferatu. Between agents of church and the masters of immortal life. As the mightiest of the vampire hunters, the Hellsing Organization intends to be standing when the dust clears and the heads roll. Welcome to the Forks affair.

The following story is a crossover between Twilight and a manga series called Hellsing. While it is not completely nescessary, I would reccomend that you familiarize yourself with Hellsing. Just go onto youtube and look up Hellsing OVA. Beyond that, I do not own Hellsing or Twilight, or any other copywrited work that may appear in this story. This story is purely a non-profit endevor and is not meant to infringe on copyright law. And just go in and enjoy yourselves. I've got the first twenty chapters typed up. After chapter twenty, I'm open to suggestions and requests. Have fun :) Ta Master of teh Boot

5. The Worst Day of Jasper's Life

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One day, twenty four hours, that was how long had passed since the bizarre events of the Forks affair. One day since a mad Englishwoman and a Nosferatu had smashed Jasper’s car. One day since Edward had taken on the psychotic priest in a fight. But it was only twelve hours since Alice Cullen had last gone shopping. In her opinion, twelve hours was just too long.

She was had been tearing up store after store at the supermarket, looking for clothes and a few other items which caught her fancy. Currently she was making her exit from Winners and was now heading over to S-Mart. The massive chain of supermarkets, while not known for their excellent designer clothing, did offer the occasional gem.

It was times like these that Alice’s power to see the future truly came in handy. With it she could see which clothes would become the next biggest fashion items before they became truly big. Currently she was looking for a vision, a little something to tell her which pair of shoes to buy or which skirt. Specifically she was hoping to find an outfit that would be perfect for when Bella and Edward were wed. Preferably something that would make Edward take away Bella’s virginity.

A vision came to Alice, but it was not the vision that she hoped for. Instead of bride’s dresses and steamy Bella and Edward time she was presented with a field of desolation and destruction.

The first thing that she saw was a wall of fire. The flames roared like hungry beasts. The roaring of the fire grew louder and louder. Suddenly she realized that what she was hearing was not the flames. She was hearing the roar of an engine. At that moment, a midnight black 1970 Chevy Nova tore through the flames. The curtain of flame parted, as if afraid of the car and its occupant.

Alice shuddered as she saw the one who drove the car. He was horrible.

The car was driven by what could only be described as the lone vampire of the apocalypse. A man unnaturally tall, dressed in red greatcoat and massive fedora. His eyes were hidden by orange sunglasses which threw off a bloody glow like devilish headlights.

Alice felt fear grip her even though none of this had yet come to pass. Even in the vision, she could feel the kind of power that he wielded.

He had all the powers of hell at his command. He could turn the day into night and he laid waste to everything in his path. Driving his powerful muscle car he saw a tweeting bird perched on a branch.

Alice sobbed for the bird. This man was knew no mercy, not even on the helpless and the gentle. If anything he was extra harsh on the gentle and helpless.

The red clad man saw the bird and acted accordingly. He pulled from his jacket a massive silver handgun. On the side of the gun was written, “Hellsing ARMS 454. Casull Auto”. The bird never stood a chance, one gunshot and the little bundle of feathers was reduced to atoms.

Alice bit down on her hand to keep from screaming at what she saw next. His horrible feral look reminded her of visions she had of Edward when he rejected Carlisle’s teachings and fed on human blood.

Tearing recklessly down the highway, the driver saw a rabbit running parallel to the road. He grinned a grin like a cut throat. He reached into his jacket once more and pulled out a German stick grenade. Hooking the firing pin on a long fang, he pulled it free and tossed it at the bunny rabbit. The curious rabbit did not understand the strange object and went closer to see if it were edible. The massive fireball and explosion only made the vampire laugh.

Alice knew this man to be a vampire. No human had eyes which glowed so brightly even through sunglasses. And no human ever possessed fangs like he did. Soon, she moved onto the final leg of her vision.

He tore down the highway faster and faster. Alice barely even saw the sign that said “Welcome to Forks, Washington”. Down the streets he sped, oblivious to all traffic regulations. As he passed through the town his hideous aura took hold of the townspeople. Alice gasped with recognition at where he was driving to. The evil stranger slammed on the brakes and leapt from his car, right in front of the Cullen house. Alice screamed. The stranger smashed through the front door and flew right at Jasper, her husband.

Alice looked around. She had dropped her shopping bags and every person in S-Mart was looking at her. Alice raced for her canary yellow Porsche, all thoughts of shopping banished from her head. She needed her cell phone. She needed to contact Carlisle.


“And did the Police Girl do a satisfactory job of defending you my Master”

“Officer Victoria did a satisfactory job of preserving my wellbeing. However, she was unable to pursue and eliminate the offending vampire”.

Alucard spoke to his master, Integra Hellsing, with something akin to respect. “My apologies master. It shames me that my fledgling cannot beat a single Unstet”.

Integra cocked her head, as though she did not understand the meaning of the word Alucard used. So he explained, “Unstet. It refers to the species of vampire that your assailant belongs to. Surely you would know that”.

“Don’t lecture me servant. As of now you have a new mission. Your orders are to find this vampire and make him pay for threatening the lives of myself and Officer Victoria”.

This seemed to light a fire in Alucard’s eyes “Is that so my master, how much pain am I allowed to cause this vampire”?

Integra had a smile to match the worst of Alucard’s grins, “Track him down Alucard, and show him the time of his life”.

Alucard laughed with zeal that his laugh had not possessed for some time, “So it shall be done my master. Now where do I find this miscreant”?

Integra puffed at her cigar and tossed a file in front of Alucard, “We’ve identified him as one Jasper Whitlock. He’s quite the offender. He was last seen in the company of a small coven which controlled a tract of land around Houston during the nineteen twenties. During the vampire wars he made a name for himself as a formidable fighter. He has not been sighted until now. Track him down and make him pay for the lives he took during the vampire wars”.

The Cullen Household

Carlisle, the patriarch of the Cullen clan was attempting to calm Alice down. “Please Alice, more slowly, what did you see”?

Alice calmed down one bit, “I saw a vampire. He’s heading this way and he’s after Jasper”.

Carlisle paused for a moment, “A vampire. What kind of vampire”?

Alice blanched at the memory of the horrible man, “Nosferatu, he couldn’t have been anything else”.

“How long do we have before he arrives”?

“I don’t know for sure Carlisle. Maybe a few hours at most. He’s going to arrive sometime after dark”.

Carlisle looked solemn; he knew first hand the brutality that the Nosferatu were capable of, “Then we have no time to waste”.

Alucard was in a bit of a bind. He’d just arrived in the Olympic Peninsula and had just found himself a nice rental car. It was a beautiful car, a black Chevy Nova. The car was one of the old muscle cars, perfectly suited for a Master vampire such as himself. The problem was that the folder his master had given him had gotten wet in the rain and was now only half illegible. This might prove to be a problem since Alucard didn’t know any landmarks and the dossier contained the address of the vampire. Alucard was going to have to do something radical; he was going to have to buy a map.

Carlisle had finally gathered the family together and was hashing out his battle plan. He addressed Edward first, “Have you gotten Bella to a safe place”?

Edward nodded, “She’s with the wolves at La Push. She’s as safe as she can be”.

“Good. Now remember, keep your crosses at ready. Even if the creature isn’t affected initially, it will not be able to put up with the sight of crosses for long”. He then opened up a box, containing wooden stakes and blessed silver daggers, “Use the stakes for close range. Throw the daggers at it; they’ll help to distract it”. Carlisle then looked more serious, “If a forward attack fails, Rosalie, Esme and I will try to ambush it from behind”.

Alucard was definitely in trouble, not only did he not know how to reach the home of Jasper Whitlock but he didn’t know how to read the map he’d bought. He could have just flown or teleported, but it was still light out and those powers were locked from him. Even if he could fly or teleport, Alucard couldn’t bear to leave behind such a beautiful car. And then he saw a tweeting bird.

Alice Cullen stood next to her husband Jasper. She was sincerely worried that she might never see him again. Periodically she received flashes of vision. Each flash of vision showed a potential future. The future changed each time the Nosferatu changed his decision about what to do to Jasper.

First she saw an image of the red coated man, he tore open Jasper’s skull and ate his brains like a Romero zombie. The vision changed. The man in red tore open Jasper’s skull and began to paint the walls with his brains, laughing like a child. Once more it changed. The tall vampire was now slashing Jasper to pieces with long sharp claws. It changed many more times and Alice couldn’t bear to think about it. She was terrified that the whole Cullen family might not be able to stop this monster from hell.

Alucard was nearing his destination when he saw a rabbit.

The Cullens waited patiently for the Nosferatu to make his attack. They stood still as statues, never blinking or moving. They just laid in wait. Seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours. The sun sank and night fell but still their enemy had yet to show his face. Soon, rain started, light at first but then grew heavier. Soon the night was illuminated by brief flashes of lightening and shaken by the pounding of thunder. Then, above the howl of the wind and the crash of thunder the Cullens heard the sound of tires screeching, tires that belonged on a nineteen seventy Chevy Nova. All of them held their weapons aloft, ready to strike. They all heard footsteps and a voice cry out, “At last I have the right address, now I HAVE HIM”! The door exploded inwards and there he stood.

Alucard stood in the doorway of the Cullen family. A flash of lightening lit the sky and cast a hideous relief over Alucard’s features. Without his glasses, Alucard’s eyes burned a bloody red. He looked like hell on earth personified. To the superhuman vision of the Cullens, he truly looked like a living corpse. The Cullens bared their teeth and growled at him. Such a display would have had a human quaking in his boots, but it only served to amuse Alucard.

“Give me Jasper Whitlock. And the rest of you won’t have to die”. To Alucard’s ultimatum the Cullens responded. Emmet, the physically most powerful of the Cullen family leapt at Alucard. Alucard grinned like a madman with the wrong medication. The ancient Nosferatu caught the stake between his hands. He chided Emmet, “What are your crude tactics against the might of the Nosferatu”? He tossed Emmet aside like a doll.

Alucard suddenly felt several blessed daggers strike him in the back; two of them hit his heart. Alucard phased into the direction of his attackers rather than simply turn around. A blond female jumped at him, as if she’d completely ignored what happened to the big one. Alucard’s jacket flew forward as if thrown there by a non existent wind. The fabric of the coat stretched and distorted, it reached out like the appendages of a sea creature. The animated coat snatched the she vampire in mid air and began to constrict her like a serpent.

It was then that Alucard was knocked off his feet by another blond vampire, this one male. Alucard and the vampire went sliding across the floor from the force of the impact. Alucard hissed, angry that one of these inferior beings had gotten the drop on him. At this, his right hand formed into a sharp titanium claw. But when Alucard saw the face of the vampire attacking him, his hand returned to normal and shock etched itself across his features.

As expected, he hadn’t changed since the Second World War. He still looked like an angel. The look on his face was still the same, it was painfully obvious that the act of killing repulsed and horrified him, even if it only was a Nosferatu. As he raised the stake, Alucard called out his name, “Carlisle”!

Carlisle froze, “You know me”? Carlisle realized that this hateful creature was somehow familiar.

“Yes, Carlisle, we were friends. Don’t you remember me, Dracula”?

Carlisle was suspicious, but he wanted to believe the vampire underneath him, “Prove that you are who you say you are”.

“I was captured in eighteen ninety-seven by Abraham Van Helsing. I was in London at the time assisting you with the defeat of an Egyptian soul sucker who was assigned the moniker “Jack the Ripper” by the media”. The stake held over his heart was lowered and Carlisle stepped off him. Carlisle held out his hand to Alucard. Alucard smiled, a friendly smile, not a crazy or threatening one. “We need to talk Carlisle”.

15 Minutes Later

Jasper Cullen was making his way up the stairs towards his and Alice’s bedroom. He could hardly believe what had happened tonight. First that maniac, the guy who was dressed like a Victorian homosexual, had the audacity to threaten his life and the lives of his family. But now because of some supposed friendship with Carlisle the lunatic was staying at their house for the night.

As an empath he had an excellent idea of what was going on in Alucard’s head. Edward couldn’t read his thoughts; he claimed that Alucard shut him out. So far, Alucard’s chief emotions seemed to be composed primarily of hatred, lust and appetite for destruction. It was simply nauseating to be near the Nosferatu.

Jasper stepped into his room, only to be greeted by the object of his desires. There before his eyes, Alice stood. She was dressed in the sexy lingerie that was a size too small. On her pixy like body the outfit could have made men fall to their knees. Jasper with his enhanced vision enjoyed the view far more than any human could have. But something was amiss. He could feel Alice’s emotions; there was a small but potent undercurrent of fear and guilt.

Instead of snatching her up like a ladies man he gently took her in his arms like a lover. “Hey, what’s wrong? With an outfit like that we should both be happy”. Feeling up her taught butt he whispered in her ear, “Let’s lie down, I’ll make you feel good”.

Alice then said with forced cheerfulness, “We’re having a threesome”.

This time Jasper forgot the emotional readings from Alice and jumped for joy, “Oh Hell yes! Who with Alice”? He began to take off his clothes with a speed only a vampire could manage. His shirt was off, “Is it Rosalie”?


Now his socks were gone, “Is it Emmet”?

“Still No”.

Now the pants were gone and only the boxers were left, which seemed much smaller than they did a moment ago, “Don’t tell me that you got that prude Edward to join us, don’t go hard on him Alice”.

A deep sinister voice called out from the shadows, “No, I’m the final member of this house of three”. Suddenly, hundreds of red eyes opened up in the shadows of the room. The emotions characteristic of Alucard now flooded the room. Jasper looked around with a look of sheer terror. He spun around just as Alucard slammed the door shut.

Alucard was ready for a fun night. He was naked except for his gloves and a red towel around his waste. In his dark hair he wore a set of plastic red devils horns. Alucard had become every man’s nightmare, especially for men showering in prison. “My master Sir Integra ordered me to show you the time of your life. Originally I came her intending to either kill you or consume your soul and add it to my repertoire. But thanks to your wife’s behest, I’m going to go easy on you and end one hundred years of forced celibacy”.

Jasper tried to jump out the window but was stopped when a pair of enchanted leg irons and manacles latched onto him. He tried to break them but Alucard’s magic was too strong. “She didn’t actually tell this to me, but I read my fledgling’s mind to uncover the truth”. Alucard’s towel fell away, revealing the entirety of his young Robert De Niro physique, “Now Jasper, get ready to pay, FOR THE DAMAGES YOU DID TO THE RENTAL CAR! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH”!

Jasper screamed.

Downstairs Carlisle sat in the kitchen, hearing the sounds of Alucard having sex. It was the sound of Jasper screaming and Alucard growling, “Hurry, hurry, hurry, HURRY, HURRY”!