Edward leaves in New Moon and does not show himself to Bella until she is on her death bed. In her last moments Bella realized that even though 85 years had past she still loved Edward as she did when she was a teenager.
1. I still love you - Prelude
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Summery: Edward leaves in New Moon and does not show himself to Bella until she is on her death bed. In her last moments Bella realized that even though 85 years had past she still loved Edward as she did when she was a teenager.
<B> Chapter 1
I still love you - Prelude</b>
“Bella” the sound of his softly spoken word made Bella close her eyes in remembrance. She was old and believed that she was hallucinating, allowing herself to see him one last time. She knew she was going to die; she was old not many people live to see their eighties.
“Edward” Bella whispered back her voice rough with age. Bella could not turn around to look at him, could not bear to see him still looking the same as the day he left her, still 17. She could not handle the thought of him seeing her as an old lady. “Why have you come, after all this time why now?” she asked quietly knowing he could hear her perfectly.
“…” he remained quiet unable to put to words his reasons, it hurt to know that Bella will be leaving this world.
Angered from his silence Bella could not hold down her anger. “Why now? Why wait until I’m a decrepit old hag to return? Do you think I want you too see me this way? Too see me as an old woman” she broke off as a sob broke free of her throat.
“Bella” the pain in his voice was palpable “You are not decrepit, you are still as beautiful as you was all those years ago.” His tone was soft and persuasive as if he truly believed what he said.
A bitter laugh bubbled up from her throat “beautiful” she clenches her hand in a fist and a sharp pain ran up her fingers as her old bones were unable to flex as they use too. “Why have you come? Did Alice have a vision of me dying? Is that why you are here now after being away for decades?” her tone was defeated she knew she was going to die soon she could feel it and this only verified that.
“I never truly left you Bella, I was always here watching you” he admitted his tone urgent and pleading. “I never left you, I never stopped loving you.” He told her as he approached her bed where she was sitting slowly.
“You love me! I have never heard such a blatant lie in my life.” She doubted he loved her, how could he leave her to live a loveless life. Yes she was married and had children, but she never truly loved her late husband as she loved him.
“Its true Bella I love you, have always loved you.” He told her as he sat beside her on the bed his voice still soft.
“No, if you loved me if you truly loved me, then you would have acted to keep me, but you did not. You left you cant, you don’t love me.” Her tone took on a bitter angered tone. He did not love her she knew this because if he did he would have wanted to keep her near, he would have changed her so he could have her for eternity.
“That’s just it Bella. I left you because I love you. I could not damn you to this existence. I wanted you to live, have a family, all things I could not offer you.” His voice was sad as if the thought of me with another hurt him immensely.
“I did not want those things. It did not matter to me, it never did. I did not want a family if I could not have it with you. I could have been with you by your side for eternity and never once regret anything. I know this truth more now then I knew it then. I have lived a life without you, I have had that family life, and I would have traded it all happily if that meant I could have you. You did not love me, not enough, because if you did then you would have acted to keep me. At the very least you would have came back for me, but you did not.” Her voice rose in pitch as her anger got the better of her, but still she did not move to look at him.
“Bella, please look at me.” He whispered wanting nothing more then to touch her, even as an old woman she look so beautiful to him.
She shook her head in stubborn defiance “No I can’t handle it. I can’t have the last time you see my face be the face of an old woman. I can’t look at you knowing that while I aged you stayed the same, still look as you did the day you left me in the forest.” She angles her body farther away from him as she spoke.
“Bella, I love you, still love you, nothing will ever change that not even your age.” He said as he lifted his hand to turn her face towards him. He would show her that he still felt the same, that he was not disgusted by her elderly appearance.
“Edward don’t…” her words were cut off by the cold hard lips of the only man she had ever truly loved. She could never resist him no matter how angry, she loved him still too much and soon gave herself over to the feel of his lips. A pleasure she thought she would never know again, the feeling of being kissed by your true love. Tears sprang forth her eyes as her emotions rendered her unable to hold them back anymore.
After a few moments he pulled away and placed his forehead to her s and closed his eyes to revel in the experience of her kiss. “I will always regret Bella. I will always regret not changing you. I will always regret my sacrifice. I wanted and still want nothing and no one more then I want you. If I could go back in time I would have done things differently. I know what it feels like to lose the one thing that gives you happiness; I would be unable to stop myself. I truly am a selfish creature.” He said the last part as he kissed my forehead and lead back to sit straight.
Tears stream down her cheeks unbidden as her reality came crashing down <i>‘it does not matter if he regrets it now, it’s too late.’ </i> Closing her eyes to the truth she responds to his statement. “I have regret, everyday of my life I have regretted your decision to leave me. I never stopped loving you, no matter how much time has passed us by I never loved you any less, but now it’s too late to fix.”
“I know” his voice was pained and broken, his shoulder were shaking if he could he would have been crying.
There was nothing else to say. They both loved each other just as much as they had when Bella was young, but knowing this changed nothing. Bella would still die and Edward would once again be alone in the world. There would be no one on this earth with more pain, more regret then Edward once the sun rose again because Bella will be dead.
They spent the remainder of the night wrapped up in each others arms. And Bella fell asleep for the last time to the sounds of Edward humming her lullaby.
The next day Edward could not pry himself out of her bed still holding her lifeless body. He wanted to die with her, when she passed all light in his life was gone. He was submerged in darkness; a darkness he knew was his own making. “Bella, Bella, Bella” he chanted rocking her body in his arms as he broke down.
“Edward?” A soft voice interrupted his misery and he raised his eyes to see his sister Alice.
“Just leave me be Alice.” His voice was broken and his eyes were glassy it looked like he would break out in tears in any moment. He wanted nothing more then to join her in the after life, to wither away.
“Edward, you should not be here. Her nurse will be here soon and you can’t be here when she does.” Alice informed him softly pain in her voice and eyes as she looked at her best friend and brother. She feels sad for him, but at the same time she can not forgive him for not changing her. What is happening now is his fault because he couldn’t suck it up and change her. It is his own fault he is so hurt.
They left soon after; Edward had taken every picture of her he could find.